I am working on various motions in a custody case. Reviewing the mother's actions, again and again the words "Parental Alienation Syndrome" come to mind. Dr. Reena Sommer says "Parental Alienation Syndrome (P.A.S.) is a burden that a child is forced to bear when one parent fails to recognize their child's strong needto love and be loved by the other parent. "
She considers it a form of child abuse (I agree) because:
1. It robs children of the security provided by the bond they once shared with the targeted parent.
2. It embeds in children’s minds falsehoods about the targeted parent that are injurious to their own psyche and their sense of self (i.e., "Mom/Dad never really loved you"; "Mom/Dad is dangerous"; "Mom/Dad has done inappropriate things to you").
3. The process of aligning children against the targeted parent often involves threats, lies, manipulations, deprivation and even physical abuse.
(To read more of her article, go to http://www.solutions4pas.com/PASreport.html)
To me, P.A.S. stems from a poverty mentality. One parent feels that, if children are free to love the other parent, then they (the children) will not love the alienating parent, or love them less. They fear the loss of their children's love. Nothing could be further from the truth! Love is like a muscle; the more you use it, the bigger it gets. The more you give, the more you have to give.
Remember, the best gift any divorcing parent can give their child is the freedom to love both parents, without guilt or recrimination. It will return to you a thousandfold, I promise you.
She considers it a form of child abuse (I agree) because:
1. It robs children of the security provided by the bond they once shared with the targeted parent.
2. It embeds in children’s minds falsehoods about the targeted parent that are injurious to their own psyche and their sense of self (i.e., "Mom/Dad never really loved you"; "Mom/Dad is dangerous"; "Mom/Dad has done inappropriate things to you").
3. The process of aligning children against the targeted parent often involves threats, lies, manipulations, deprivation and even physical abuse.
(To read more of her article, go to http://www.solutions4pas.com/PASreport.html)
To me, P.A.S. stems from a poverty mentality. One parent feels that, if children are free to love the other parent, then they (the children) will not love the alienating parent, or love them less. They fear the loss of their children's love. Nothing could be further from the truth! Love is like a muscle; the more you use it, the bigger it gets. The more you give, the more you have to give.
Remember, the best gift any divorcing parent can give their child is the freedom to love both parents, without guilt or recrimination. It will return to you a thousandfold, I promise you.
3 comments:
"Love is like a muscle" ! I love it!
"Will return to you a thousand fold", a phrase to embed deep into oneself.
Thank you for this article. I was honored to meet Dr. Reena Sommer once!
Robert Gartner
The origin of PAS is in social agression, such as that described in Rachel Simmon's book "Odd Girl Out". In PAS the children play the role of the other girls taught to alienate the "Odd Girl Out", and the dad is the role of the "Odd Gril Out". There is no reason to create a new concept for PAS it is feminine style assault of the sort known in the literature for many years.
My experience, as a non-parent in a recent custody dispute, was that PAS is real. Unfortunately, at least in my Ohio town, is that the burden of proof is blindingly stacked against the father.
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