Hitchcock's Guide to the Galaxy, or Ferdinand the Lonely Bull?

Today I attended an awesome 6 1/2 hour seminar presented by the Institute of Continuing Legal Education, on property settlements. We learned some great information on dividing pensions that 90% of divorce lawyers don't know, among other things.

I'm actually quite good at what I do (i.e., family law), even admitting to the world that I'm an "S." (As in Rich Dad Robert Kiyosaki's Cashflow Quadrant: The "S" is self-employed, aka smart, aka solo (as in Lone Ranger and "Nobody does it better"), etc.) Yes, I'm the type who is up at 2 a.m., preparing judgments, or working on appellate briefs. The kind who will spend 2 hours answering client emails at the end of the day and preparing the "to do" list for tomorrow.

But when I write on my blog, it's all about Bruce Lee, or the latest spiritual book I've been reading, etc. Don't I know that a business blog is supposed to let my current (and prospective) clients know what a great lawyer I am???

I guess not. Because right now, despite all the phenomenal things I learned today (and thoroughly enjoyed), I don't want to talk about that. I want to talk about how incredibly joyful life if when I focus on "being love" in every situation.

This, of course, is far different than "being loving," which you can fake. Being love takes every situation to a whole new level.

In past blogs, I talked about an exercise called "Love's Pathway." (See "The Secret Secret Behind the Secret" blogpost.) In it, you begin by taking 4 deep breaths and saying "I am the full expression of God's love. Just as God is love, so am I. I am love."

Next, you focus on someone for whom you have strong feelings of love (child, spouse, friend, Mother Earth). Imagine yourself embracing that person (a bit tough with Mother Earth, stick with people at first), and saying "I love you." Let that feeling of love flow through you.

Then you say, "I feel love." Then, "I feel God." Then, "Thank you," and imagine that love radiating from you to the whole world and beyond.

Anyway, one night, filled with the love I felt for my person of choice, tears of gratitude and appreciation fell down my cheeks. I thought to myself, "If this is what love feels like, and this is what God feels like, does that mean God loves me like this?" And the answer came "Yes, I do." Wow.

When you are loved like that by the creator of everything (and you are, you know), then being love comes naturally. So does being honest about who I am, even if some observers may think I'm flaky. I'm not claiming to walk on water or anything. I am just noticing how much more often throughout the day I feel light-hearted and happy, and free to be myself. How cool is that?

When I think about it, that's even more useful than sharing with my readers information on accrued coverture vs. prospective coverture. Don't you agree?

Death: A Preview

This is taken from Emmanuel's Book II: A Choice for Love.

"What happens in sudden death?

To the soul, it is bliss. You are driving along in a car doing battle with your life as usual, when all of a sudden you are not. You find yourself unexpectedly light, and you wonder what miracle has taken place. Have you become enlightened that you are no longer immersed in the issues of your day? You look around to realize that the car, which was so important, is now just a heap of rubble and you really don't care at all. Then you see a physical body which looks familiar to you, something you have worn for some years. Yet you are glad to be out of it. You are free."

"What is the process of dying-exactly?

Exactly, dying is a very inexact process...The soul ultimately decides, "I've done all I can with this particular circumstance. From here on in it will be unfruitful in some manner and will not serve Perfect Love. So I choose to come Home.

Well, the decision to come Home is the start of what has been termed "Mysterious terminal illness," "accidental death," or whatever it may be. It can even be murder. But once the soul has made that choice, then the body and the life comply."

And so it seems that Michael must have decided he had done all that he could do with this particular incarnation, and made the decision to go Home. We will miss him, yet how happy he must be now!

To Michael Jackson, who transformed our lives with music

Like most of us, I imagine, I feel an ache in my heart as I watch all the Michael Jackson videos from four decades of music, and listen to his incredible voice. Fascinated, I click on one news story after another about his life, his spending, his music.

Some at this time are inspired to ask: "What will people say about you when you are gone? Are you doing things that will make them praise you at your funeral?" To me, I don't care what people say about me when I'm gone.

I have another question: "Why is it that we shower people with love and appreciation after they're dead, and not while they're here?" Why are people flooding the streets at the Apollo to honor Michael, and buying CD's off the shelves like hot cakes, today? Why not yesterday, when it would have done him some good? (From the stories about his debt, he sure could have used it.)

I know the answer, though. It's human nature. I remember when my own mother died. In her lifetime, she had many qualities that annoyed me, and led me to avoid her. The minute she died, I forgot them all, and just remembered how cool she was. Why couldn't I have looked past my petty grievances in her lifetime, and just told her how cool she was, when she could have enjoyed it? That's what I ask myself now.

I am so moved, as I watch all of the incredible love that people all over the world are showing to Michael Jackson, now that he's dead. How much could he have used it while he was alive? How much did he suffer from the mass rejection he got later in life? You may say, "He deserved it." Yet now, we are all able to overlook it somehow and remember his extraordinary qualities and the joy he brought to our lives. Why did we let the flaws completely overshadow his brilliance?

There is nothing any one of us can do now for Michael Jackson, a lost little boy in a man's body. But there is something we can do for the loved ones that remain. We can forget our judgments and criticism and show them the love and appreciation that we have for them. What are we waiting for? Let's not hold back the good things we want to say to people, for fear that we will sound foolish or "corny."

Then, when your loved ones pass, you can look back and smile, remembering the joy you gave them instead of regretting things that might have been.

The Secret Secret behind "The Secret"

The great thing, and the bad thing, about me is that when I am "into" something, I'm all in. I talk about it, write about it, and probably bore people stiff with my unending enthusiasm. Nevertheless, as Popeye would say, "I yam what I yam."

This is the prelude to my talking about my latest discovery, a wonderful book called The Greatest Manifestation Principle in the World by Carnelian Sage. (Thanks to Perry Penny for giving me the book.)

This is one of those tiny books with a title that seems to promise yet another cure-all for everything you've ever want to cure. Ho-hum, right? That's what I was thinking. As someone who has followed, or at least looked into, every self-help device for success that there is, this sounded like just another one.

On the front it says "The missing secret behind the Law of Attraction that will enable you to finally manifest your desires." Oh, right. The secret Secret to The Secret.

It starts by debunking the theory postulated in The Secret that all you have to do is focus on what you want, instead of what you don't want, and you will get it. If you don't get it, then clearly you are not doing it right and you need to focus even more on what you want. Etc. However, Sage says that the success rate from using The Secret is actually about .1%, which is pretty dismal. (I had wondered, for one thing, how simply by focusing on eternal youth, we could instantly stop the aging process. And chastised myself for not achieving that result, no doubt due to my lack of positive thinking.)

But the problem with the whole Secret thing is that it makes you think there is a cosmic kitchen that you simply order from and it's served up. Voila! I've found that it really doesn't work like that. There is more to a successful life than just satisfying our individual material desires.

I am not going to retell the entire book here, even tiny as it is. But I will reveal that the so-called secret to the secret, is not a secret at all! It is the realization that we are love. Sage says that, when we are being love, we are in the energy field in which all manifestation occurs. She says (and I love this) that God already knows what we want. We don't need to focus until we're cross-eyed on the new sports car that we want, or the prosperity, or the abundant health, like a little kid who tells his parents 5,000 times what he wants for Christmas.

God knows. (God is God, for Heaven's sake!) All we need to do is be in the energy field and what we want (or something even better) will naturally manifest. We do that by being love. There is an exercise in the book called Love's Pathway, in which you take a series of steps that help you focus on feelings of love, which you then expand to the world, and beyond.

We are all in the Field together, although we don't realize it. In each interaction, if we ask, "How can I bring love to this interaction?" we will see miracles. This is not about acting loving. It is about being love. (Think Mother Theresa.) There is a big difference.

My goal here is to write enough to make you curious about the book, so that you will want to get it and see for yourself. I don't pretend to be able to summarize in a few paragraphs what took Sage 130 pages to explain.

I will say that, since I have begun to focus on being love, and realizing that I am love, my days are joyful. And when I begin to worry, or fear, as I inevitably do, I simply say "I surrender my fear to love." And then I repeat the little affirmation that Sage recommends: "I am the full expression of God's love. Just as God is love, so am I. I am love."

I truly believe that if every one on the planet begun doing the Love's Pathway exercise, our current maladies would transform into something wonderful beyond what we can imagine. And even if all we "got" was a lot more joy and fun in our day, wouldn't it be worth it?

With Sincere Appreciation

...to my friends, Terry and Perry Penny. They shared their beautiful home/guest house with me this past weekend. Even better, they shared a multitude of awesome quotes, great information (like Misa Hopkins' sound healing), and fantastic books. I sped-read Russell Simmons' "Do You" on Sunday, by reading the 12 laws and quotes at the start and end of the book. First rate stuff, which I will revisit to read the entire book. I love this quote by Simmons: "Understand that giving is just receiving, inside out."

Another book my friends shared that has really rocked my world today is a tiny tome called The Greatest Manifestation Principle in the World, by Carnelian Sage. (No doubt a pseudonym.) The book talks about the movie The Secret, and the Law of Attraction, and says that something is missing from both which has lead to a dismal .1% success rate for people who use it. (I always wondered why all that positive thinking didn't create the kind of results I wanted.)

Being a fan of The Secret and the Law of Attraction myself, I was a bit skeptical at first. But I started reading it on the plane ride home and, as predicted by Perry, finished it before I landed. It is right on, and I have been using this principle all day, with amazing results. Of course, I am not claiming a great "one day" is enough to inspire anyone but the recipient of that day (me!). I'm just saying that I am convinced.

I encourage you all to read this incredible book. And to hopefully pique your curiosity, I will just say this, with the greatest feeling: I am the full expression of God's love. Just as God is love, so am I. I am love.

And so are you.

Greetings from Sunny Arizona!

I've been offline for a few days. I'm visiting friends in Arizona, where the sun starts shining at 6 a.m. and works up to a veritable furnace of heat before noon. My friends said that out here, people have garage sales that start at 7 a.m. and end by 10 a.m... because no one can stand the heat after that. I believe it!

My friends are Terry and Perry Penny, real estate hall of famers from Russ Whitney's Wealth Building system, and true entrepreneurs. I'm staying in their guest house at their beautiful home, where they are planning a pool party in my honor this afternoon. They have 4 gorgeous sons, all very active, and I really don't know how they manage to accomplish all that they do!

Being an inveterate water drinker, I soon ran out of the "stash" I'd brought with me, so I asked my friends for more. They gave me some water from a case of plastic bottles they'd purchased at their church. Turns out their pastor is an entrepreneur as well, and a friend of Robert Kiyosaki (one of my heroes, and author of Rich Dad, Poor Dad), who sometimes speaks at their church. Based on research from pioneers like Dr. Masuri Emoto (from "What the Bleep Do We Know?" fame), http://masaru-emoto.net/, their pastor has labels with a biblical quotation and positive affirmations all over them! It says things like "renewed like an eagle, blessed, problem solver, youthful, resourceful, courageous, happiness, fearless."

I love this idea! If you go to Dr. Emoto's site and see the difference love, prayer, and positive affirmations can make on water molecules, just think what it can do for our bodies! I insisted on joining my friends at church tomorrow, and am looking forward to meeting this outstanding pastor who is teeming traditional religion with newly discovered spiritual principles. I'm sure I'll learn a lot from the visit.

In the meantime, however, I invite everyone to share some of this power energy with themselves, by blessing your body with love, and thanking it for serving you so well and faithfully every day.

Please help a budding author!

Hey everyone, I've just finished my second eBook! While my first was a longer, personal growth book (JIGSAW: Putting the Pieces Together After Divorce), this one is all business. It's designed for people who are served with a divorce complaint, and either can't afford to or don't want to hire a lawyer. (There are various reasons for this, including not wanting to escalate things, believing there's nothing to fight over, and a desire to reconcile.)

However, no one wants to be in default! This short little book provides simple, step-by-step instructions on how to answer a divorce complaint without a lawyer. It keeps you out of default, and buys time while you decide what you want to do next. At $4.95, it's a steal. We charge ten times that much just to draft an answer for people, without ever "officially" entering the case.

Please check out the preview (see the link on the right side, below), and let me know what you think! All comments are welcome.

Exciting News for Budding Authors!

Thanks @bookbuzzr_2! On Twitter they sent me a message about their own site, featuring Free Online Book Marketing Technology for Authors, and told me about a site that will convert your baby eBook into a full blown pdf file, ready for sale online! At no cost (or a small one if you want a bit more service), you can go to http://www.zamzar.com/ and easily convert your Word doc into a pdf format, in no time! I am usually challenged by all the technical apps, so imagine how thrilled I am to have done it myself! Ah, if only my son were here to see this!

Now I'm going back to http://www.bookbuzzr.com/, to find out more about their Free Online Book Marketing Technology for Authors. Not quite sure what it's about yet, but I will definitely share it with you when I find out.

What happened to Starbucks?

I don't think I've ever used this blog to gripe about something before. But there's always a first time, and sadly it's about a company that's always been near and dear to my heart. Starbucks.

I love cappuccino. So much so, in fact, that if there is nothing available but coffee I'll just have water. It all started when my former husband and I went to Italy in the early '80's and our dear friend Carlo Guidoni had a tray of cappuccino and croissants sent up to our room every day during our visit. I'd never tried cappuccino before, but boy, was I hooked after that!

When we returned to America I looked everywhere but there were no coffee bars like they have in Italy. So I bought my own cappuccino machine, which was my only source of cappuccino for years. Finally, I was happy to find a few small Italian places in Ft. Lauderdale.

Then one day, Starbucks appeared on the scene, and I was in Heaven! They, above all the other American coffee shops, really got it right. The atmosphere was great, and the cappuccino was perfect! I became Starbucks' biggest fan. If there was a Seattle's Best in the airport instead of a Starbucks, I would walk right past it, hop in a cab and go directly to the closest Starbucks. Same for Caribou Coffee, and (ugh!) Biggby Coffee. (Their cappuccino is really the pits. Sorry, I know they're from Michigan.)

I read Pour Your Heart Into It, the story of Starbucks by Howard Schultz, and enthused to all who knew me about how no one could compare to Starbucks. Only true "barristas" knew the difference between regular and slightly dry. I regularly bought the Starbucks gift cards and products. I loved Starbucks.

So it was only natural that I bought their Barrista machine. It was more economical and convenient to be able to make it at home. At $325, it was a bit expensive, but after all, it was Starbucks. The machine worked well for awhile, then just gave out. But, it had been 3-4 years and they are Starbucks. They had tons of credibility with me. So I gave it another try and bought the Sirena, which goes for more than $500. I figured if I moved up the scale I'd get a better working machine.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. Soon after buying it, I began having problems. The blue light came on (which is supposed to signify low water) when the tank was full, and it just wouldn't work. I went back to the store, and was told they had nothing to do with the warranty after 30 days, so I had to call 1-800-starbuck. How inconvenient!

For awhile there it got so bad that, being a busy professional, I would actually send my clerk out to the local Starbucks to get my morning cappuccino! (I quickly wracked up over $100 on my Starbucks Gold card this way, I might add.) Except, the Starbucks near my office has barristas who were incompetent. Minutes after returning with the drink all the foam (which is the part I love) had fizzled out and I had...a cup of milky espresso.

My clerk managed to get around the water tank problem and I was in business again. Now, however, the filter basket has begun to leak. And the spigot that whips the milk into a froth, sometimes shoots the water out in pellets like a machine gun in the bottom of the frothing pitcher. All very frustrating.

There are still mornings when it works well, and there are Starbucks stores that make an absolutely phenomenal cup of cappuccino. But the quality isn't consistent, and the customer service on their products leaves much to be desired. Part of the Starbucks experience was that warm and fuzzy feeling that the company, right down to its stock holding barristas, were sharp and really cared about you. I regret to say that feeling is fading away.

Help Your Lawyer Help You

There are certain complaints that people going through a divorce often have about their lawyers. One is that they don't know what's going on in the case. Your lawyer should send you a copy of everything that crosses his or her desk. Then you can stay up-to-date on what is happening with any legal documents, letters, and any and all information concerning your case. If you don't think you need it you can file it away, but at least you will have it.

Remember, you are the one who must live with the results of your case, not your lawyer. Therefore, you need to feel confident that you know the facts. Make sure you know the pros and cons of each step that might be taken, including settlement negotiations, timing of court dates, and other matters during the divorce process.

The most common complaint heard from clients is that their lawyer doesn’t return phone calls. Waiting for a call back when you’re in distress can be excrutiating, so much so that you forget some of your questions by the time they call you back. You can help your lawyer by being organized and brief. Write down your questions. Make the most of your time by saving up several questions to ask all at once, since lawyers usually have a minimum charge for phone calls. Leave enough space between questions to write in the answers.

An even better idea is emailing your questions instead of telephoning. This gives your lawyer a written record of your question, prompting a clear, well organized written response to which you can refer later. Emails are usually not billed for in the same way as telephone calls, so this is a more cost-effective approach as well.

Be formless, shapeless, like water. (Bruce Lee)

I was reading an interesting article sent to me by a colleague today from a newspaper in the UK called the Telegraph.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/financetopics/financialcrisis/5516536/US-cities-may-have-to-be-bulldozed-in-order-to-survive.html

It said that in the city of Flint, Michigan, 1,100 houses have been torn down, with plans to tear down 3,000, leaving meadows and nature in their place. The reason? The mass exodus of people from the city (originally GM headquarters), and the reduction of the tax base. Entire blocks of the city were empty.

The article said the Obama administration has contacted Dan Kildee, (treasurer of Flint, and mastermind of the idea), about implementing this strategy in other cities in the "rust belt." Like Detroit, for instance, in response to the economic downturn.

At first blush this is quite a shocker for a Michiganian like me. But in times of trouble I always turn to the wisdom of my spiritual mentors, of whom Bruce Lee was the first, back in my martial arts days. I reflected on what he said about being like the nature of water. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iO3sBulXpVw

Water has no opinion about the container it is poured into. It flows, and instantly adapts. It is the softest substance in the world, yet it can wear down the hardest substance. There is wisdom in the very nature of water, that we all need to follow. Things are changing, and we have to change with them. Our complaints and resistance count for nothing. It is time to find our strength, in being like the nature of water.

What the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve

I love Twitter! You learn so much just from reading the tweets. Like, for example, this great reference to the Napolean Hill website. It's loaded with all of his inspiring quotes, and more. Check it out! http://www.naphill.org/

Thanks SteveVP_LUInc!

Washington Times Slams "Deadbeat Dads" Show

Glenn Sacks, Executive Director of Fathers & Families, has a mission to promote a positive image for fathers and their important place in their children's lives. It's a vital cause. Last year, his organization conducted a campaign against Fox TV's "Bad Dads" show, and Fox decided to drop the show. Lifetime TV picked it up, renaming the show "Deadbeat Dads." Sacks' group launched a protest, and Lifetime received over 5,000 calls, letters, and faxes from supporters as a result. In May of this year, the Washington Times published an editorial in support, titled Anti-Dad bias–Why is the father always the villain on American TV?

Among other things, the article notes “[N]oncompliance with court-ordered visitation is three times the problem of noncompliance with court-ordered child support. In short, lousy moms outnumber deadbeat dads 3-1.”–Washington Times editorial, 5/18/09. In my opinion, it's just plain bad policy to misrepresent an entire segment of our population in this biased manner, merely to get ratings. I think Lifetime deserves a letter from us all, telling them we are not only not watching the show, but banning their programming altogether in our home.

At a time when kids need their dads more than ever, I commend Glenn Sacks and his organization for their excellent and tireless support of this critical issue. To learn more about it, check out his article at http://www.fathersandfamilies.org/?p=3281 To find out how you can help promote Fathers & Families go to www.glennsacks.com

Top 10 Signs of a Successful Blended Family

Does yours meet the test? Great stuff. Check it out at: http://www.blendedfamilyadvice.com/toptensignsofasuccessfulblendedfamily

Action, Feedback, Correction...

It's said that a rocketship to the moon is off course for most of the trip, yet it still reaches its destination. Babe Ruth used to say that he loved being a baseball player because you could strikeout 7 out of 10 times and still make the Hall of Fame.

Gee, it doesn't sound like the rocket ship OR Babe Ruth got it right every time. So why do the rest of us think we have to? Making mistakes is something most of us dread. Yet without making mistakes, we will never succeed.

If we make a mistake and fail, we may be laughed at. This is another big reason people hold themselves back. Studies have shown that 80% of people let their fear of failure outweigh their desire to succeed. That's a big number. How did we get to be so fearful?

Think about it. If you got 7 out of 10 answers wrong at school, that would be a 30%. What grade would you get for that? An "F"! Pretty dismal. We were trained in school to be afraid of making mistakes! We were taught that there were certain right answers, and if we didn't know them on our own, we were stupid. If we tried to get the answers from someone else, we were cheaters, which was even worse than being stupid! In fact, getting caught cheating will get you thrown out of most schools.

Know what's really funny? Does anyone even remember all that stuff from school? I don't. From the earliest days, our blueprint for success was based in large part on our ability to learn and retain useless information, without help from anyone! Wow.

Strangely enough, this is the exact opposite of the real world. In the real world, the "right" answer depends upon who is asking the question, and mistakes are the way we learn. In the real world, business and investing are team sports and the Lone Ranger is a loser, not a hero. The only way to succeed is to work as a team.

It's tough getting over a mindset that's been ingrained in our heads since childhood, but this new economy sure gives us a great reason to try. And it's a great time to start teaching your child differently, despite what he learns in school. Maybe the best way to "kill two birds with one stone" is to go out there ourselves and start making mistakes, showing we're not afraid to try and fail. Maybe now is an ideal time to get together with others and start brainstorming about how to accomplish your dreams, instead of going it alone. After all, the best way to teaach, is by example. Action, feedback, correction.

Divorce Lawyer Finds A Match Made in Heaven

At a time when so many people are going through hell, I have found a match made in heaven. Who is the lucky couple? One that at first blush seems an unlikely pair: A person getting divorced, and a real estate investor.

Yes, that's right. I am at a Robert Kiyosaki (Rich Dad, Poor Dad) real estate investment seminar, and what I'm learning is that there are solutions for people who are getting divorced and finding out that what was once their greatest asset (their home) is now their worse liability!

These days, that is the story we family law attorneys hear, more often than not. Yet what I did not know is that there is a group of problem solvers out there to help the distressed homeowner. It doesn't work in every situation, and your mileage may vary. However, if your house is "upside down" and you owe more on your mortgage than your home is worth, what have you got to lose?

At worst, you talk to a real estate investor who tries to help you find a solution that is a "win-win" for both of you, and it doesn't work. Then, you are no worse off then you started.

At best, the investor is able to come up with a deal that gets you out of a mortgage you can no longer afford to pay, without ruining your credit. You get rid of the mortgage you don't want, and they either buy the deal themselves, or find someone else who wants to.

In a time when many of our fondest hopes have been dashed, isn't it good to know that the possibility of a happy ending is still there? If you find yourself in the situation of being stuck with a mortgage you can no longer pay, in a house where you owe more than it is worth, give me a call. I don't make any promises other than to do everything I can to connect you to a real estate investor who can solve your problem.

I don't get paid for this. I believe it would be unethical to benefit financially for matching my clients up with a real estate investor who can help them. However, the satisfaction I get from being able to help my clients resolve their mortgage problems and move on with their lives is payment enough for me. If the scenario I have described applies to you, call or email me today. What have you got to lose, but another sleepless night?

An End, and A Beginning

When couples get divorced, they often can't wait to get the other person out of their life. However, if they have children, this is something that won't happen. Couples need to understand that when they are "duking it out" during the divorce process. The same person whom you called foul names during the divorce, is the person you will have to call to pick up the kids when you can't. Good thing to remember.

That's another reason for our motto, "It Started With Love, Why Not End It The Same Way?" I often tell clients that their relationship with their soon-to-be ex never ends, it just changes. This is true even without children, but definitely a factor when kids are involved. There will be holidays, birthday parties, graduations, weddings, grandchildren, and so on.

Nobody wants to have their parents at such gatherings if Mom and Dad can't be in the same room without arguing or name-calling. It's too bad if you tried to make it together and it didn't work. But that's not your kids' fault. They need to be free to love both parents, and share their memorable moments with you, without having to cringe over a dramafest at their special events.

Keep that in mind as you go through your divorce. Not only will you come out happier, you will save a lot of money on attorney fees!

The Upside of the Downturn

A Fortune article of the same title says: "The current recession will change the course of your career. Whether you're damaged or strengthened depends on the way you respond. Can you rise to the challenge?"

Every diamond that exists today went through a process similar to what we are going through now. Will we come out as diamonds, or end up a chunk of coal? That remains to be seen.

When I was a kid, we were told at Christmas that acting bad would bring us nothing but a lump of coal in our stocking. As an adult, if we’ve been very, very good, we may just get a diamond. One is desired, the other despised; yet both are made of carbon.

What is the difference? What makes the diamond the coveted, precious gem that it is, and the coal something we disdain? The same thing that makes a “man or a mouse” out of each one of us; the ability to withstand heat and pressure.

Elemental carbon, or coal, can withstand temperatures of 200-300 degrees Celsius. If the pressure or the temperature gets much higher, the host rock melts.

Some like it hot.

Diamonds, on the other hand, can only be formed under extreme geological conditions. These conditions are when the temperature is greater than 800 degrees Celsius and pressure is 50,000 times atmospheric pressure. These conditions exist only deep below the surface of the earth.

Diamonds are much rarer than coal. While coal is cheap and easily found, diamonds may be formed billions of years before they reach the earth’s surface and go through an arduous process to get here. Diamonds reach us either by a collision of the plates that make up the earth’s surface, through the lava from active volcanoes, or when melt water erodes mountains away and drags the heavy and durable stones (like diamonds) to the quieter creek beds. Diamonds may look pretty; yet they are anything but delicate.

Like carbon, we as human beings go through the heat and pressure every day. We may feel the heat of going through a divorce. We may feel the pressure of losing our jobs, or being faced with a mountain of debts and nowhere to turn. It’s not comfortable, and it’s not easy. But one thing is for sure; there’s no getting away from it.

So while we can’t choose what happens to us, we can choose how we will react. And in so doing, we choose to refine ourselves into diamonds or remain a lump of coal. Whenever I fail at something, be it a relationship or a glorious project that didn’t come out as planned, I remember what Andrew Carnegie said; “Every failure carries with it the seeds of an equivalent or greater success.” I look for the seeds of success in my failure.

We are a long way from being out of the woods in the current world economic crisis. As we deal daily with the heat and pressure, let's look for the seeds of our future success in the mistakes that we have made and find the upside of this downturn.

Whenever I am faced with a problem, I remember a quote from motivational writer Ralph Marston, which ends with the question: "How can I respond to this challenge so that a year from now, looking back at the experience, I'll be overwhelmingly thankful that it came along?" (The full quote is on our website at http://www.lady4justice.com/index.cfm/hurl/obj=WinWinDivorce/WinWinDivorce.cfm) Using this as a guide in times when I felt the heat and pressure of my own failures, I have been able to plant seeds of success.

We all have the potential to become diamonds. Is it easy? Of course not. If it were, diamonds would be cheap to come by. But is it worth it? That is for you to decide.

"Most people achieved their greatest success one step beyond what looked like their greatest failure." ~Brian Tracy