Cheating Spouses: Don't Let Guilt Make You Give Away the Farm

In anything you do often, you are bound to notice certain patterns.  Family law is no different.  For example, I notice that when a spouse (usually the man) is cheating, they tend to be over-generous in settling the case, because they feel guilty.  Often, this results in such things as a provision for permanent spousal support, and maybe even a provision to pay the other spouse's insurance premiums and uninsured medical expenses, for life.  I don't recommend this.

First of all, "for life" is a long time.  It means, "for life."  So if you lose your job, or suffer a loss of income, you are still stuck paying for your spouse's medical costs, or spousal support, even if it takes up most of your income.  You can actually be taken to court on an Order to Show Cause why you should not be found in contempt, and possibly jailed, if you don't comply.  (Yes, I've filed these myself, so I know.)  If the order for support is "non-modifiable," then you will have to pay the specified amount even if you declare bankruptcy, lose your house in foreclosure, and lose all your money.  Just think!  You could be homeless, and have to pay regardless or you'd have a new "home"; the county jail.

My point is, although you may have a desire to make amends to your wife for cheating, there are wiser ways than this.  Write her a sincere letter apologizing for letting her down, or not being there for her (don't admit infidelity, though, because it can be used against you).  Or, give her slightly more in the property settlement, which will be done and over with at the time of divorce, not hang around to haunt you for the rest of you life.  Otherwise, the two of you, though divorced, will be joined together until "death do you part."