Speechless

Ten years ago, my son (in ninth grade) signed us up to sponsor a foreign exchange student, because the girl who came to talk to his class about it was cute. He forgot to mention that he had signed me up, and I was blissfully ignorant of the whole thing until the lady from AUSA called me up to ask when I wanted my exchange student to move in.

I had no idea what she was talking about, of course, and as a newly single parent wasn't thrilled with the idea of having another mouth to feed (sponsoring families support the exchange student like one of their own). She was persistent, however, and mentioned that there was a young man from Japan who had come to America, and his sponsor family had fallen through. At the current time, he was sleeping in her basement.

Still unsure of my ability to manage the whole thing, I agreed to welcome Kentaro into my home.

After all, I thought. I am a big martial arts fan, and I'm sure this young man could tell me a lot about the martial arts. And Zen. And computers. When Ken arrived, however, he informed me that he did not know anything about the martial arts, or Zen, or computers. "What do you know about?" I asked. He responded, "Mariah Carey." (As it turns out, he also did know a little something about Zen.)

And so Kentaro joined our family, becoming Alex and Alexis's big brother. He was eager to learn about everything American. He asked me to dye his hair blond. We took him to the mall so he could get piercings. "Good grief," I thought. "His parents are going to be furious!"

But as it turned out, his parents actually came to visit him while he was here, and they were as wonderful as he. They brought us marvelous artifacts from Japan. His mother learned from Kentaro that I had studied the Imperial Villas at Katsura, and the tea ceremonies, in college. She brought me a tea bowl with a whisk, measuring spoon, and tea powder. She performed a tea ceremony for me. She also brought wonderful Japanese incense (the best incense in all the world!) because Ken had shared that I also loved incense. Ken's father brought me books on Zen, beautiful Japanese stamps, and yen.

We had so much fun with Ken. Back then, I used to make each of the kids responsible for dinner one night a week. I still remember the all-seaweed dinner Kentaro made for us; every dish, including desert, made of seaweed! I loved it. He joined us on a trip to Florida, and on his own made all the arrangements to attend the high school prom with classmates, in a big Jeep stretch limo. He left no stone unturned in trying things American. He taught me things I didn't know about my own home! (Like the fact that we have terrible mass transit, due to our being "Motown" and the car companies wanting to "encourage" us to buy cars instead of riding a subway like the bullet train in Japan.) On my birthday, Kentaro made me three tiny, beautiful origami sculptures that I have kept on my dresser ever since.

When Ken returned home at the end of the year, his parents wrote and invited my entire family to Japan. They said, "All you have to do is get here. We will take care of the rest." I thanked them, planned to come, and never did. Having Kentaro stay with us was a wonderful experience in itself, and one for which I needed no repayment.

However, this Christmas, instead of only his Mom sending a card, I got one from Ken himself. He said, "I am 27 years old now. It's been 10 years since I was in America and it's high time you came to Japan." Wow. Ten years! How time has flown.

I agreed with Ken: it is high time I came to Japan. I made my reservations for late March, when Ken said the cherry blossoms were in bloom, and planned to stay for two weeks.

That's all Ken and his family needed to hear. While I was pondering which hotel I should book, it seems they immediately went into action to plan the whole itinerary for my entire stay. Ken scheduled a whole week off work to spend time with me, and he asked me what things I wanted to see. He and his father, remembering what a huge Bruce Lee fan I am, suggested I might want to fly to Hong Kong while I am there. What a great idea! After all, when will I be in Japan again?

And tonight, I got an email from Ken. He said they were trying to get a reservation for me at the Imperial Villa, and needed my date of birth. I wrote back with the information, saying "I have no idea what the Imperial Villa is, but thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of your efforts." Then I googled the Imperial Villa. (See picture above.)

Oh yes. The Imperial Villa at Katsura, the one I studied in college way back in the '80's. The one I always admired so much that I chose furniture for my home that mirrored the beauty of its natural wood and bamboo style. It brought tears to my eyes to think of this kind and loving family living across the world from me, ten years after they ever set eyes on me...remembering the things I love. I am so blessed to live in this wonderful world. Thank you, Kentaro, Fumi, Mari, and Yoshimasa. Words cannot express how good you make me feel.

Help For Haiti

I am in New Jersey this weekend, attending a business seminar. As usual when I am out of town, I got up early to work out in the fitness room. As I pulled the handles of the eliptical machine and checked my heart rate, I listened to the news about Haiti, and learned a lot I hadn't known before.

It seems that Haiti is a very young country, with the average age there being 25. I don't know whether that is because life is so hard there most people don't make it much past that age or not, but that's what the newscaster said. They also showed a Google Earth picture of Port au Prince, before and after the 7.0 earthquake. One minute you could see it, and the next...gone.

Secretary of State Clinton was there, talking about the need for a plan to rebuild Haiti. She said the structures there really weren't so great before, and plans for rebuilding should include more than just trying to patch up the old buildings. Rather, a complete rennovation is needed.

Military helicopters are bringing in supplies to the earthquake victims, but their large size is stirring up all the rubble in the areas where it is clear enough to land, making it a very dangerous situation for both pilots and those on the ground waiting for help. It seems smaller helicopters wouldn't stir up the air as much, but they simply can't carry the massive amount of supplies that are needed.

Here in New Jersey, I read about school children holding fundraisers in order to send money to help the earthquake victims. In fact, everywhere I look, I see people concerned about the Haitian plight. It makes me realize just how small our planet really is, and how interconnected we all are.

Recently, I have grieved the loss of several family members. I tried to imagine what it must be like for the Haitians, with the massive devastation everywhere, but I couldn't. It's just too much. Amazingly though, the newscasters said that people there are praising, not blaming, God. That is incomprehensible to me. They must have very loving souls.

In this day and age, there is no room for remaining separate from the rest of the world, and that's a good thing. The more love we give, the more we have to give, and the more we will receive. Life isn't about win-lose anymore. Now is the time for win-win. Or it will be lose-lose for all of us.

As I listened to the sheer numbers of what is needed (supplies, medical assistance, and so forth), I really wondered what one person could possibly do to make a difference. Then I thought of the schoolchildren in Jersey (and elsewhere, no doubt), having a bake sale to earn money to send to people they've never met. If we all do something, it will be enough.

There are many places taking donations for the people in Haiti, so I won't list them here. You can find them just as easily yourself. But please take the time to help, in whatever way works for you. Life is too short to spend it thinking only of ourselves.

At long last...love!

Yes, I'm in love. With a new website I've found, called My Brain Trainer (http://www.mybraintrainer.com/). Finally, a site that lets us 50-somethings give our brains a good workout! Called the World's First Virtual Mental Gymnasium, My Brain Trainer lets you see how old your brain is (not trying to brag, but mine's 21), and for a very minimal fee allows you to embark on a 21-day brain improvement program. Well, actually 90 days of access to a multitude of brain improvement tools for a measly $9.95.

I learned of this wonderful site from my friend, Karen Serenity. She passed on an email that told about different things people were trying to stay sharp as they moved into their power years. I checked them out (everything from vitamins, to CD's designed to synchronize the brain's hemispheres) and saw that this site, My Brain Trainer, was one of the ways that really worked.

And it doesn't just work for the more mature among us! Someone in the 30-39 bracket wrote in to say they were now a systems engineer despite "never finding time" to finish their research paper, after signing on to My Brain Trainer and learning to better concentrate.

On this site, you can either do the 21 day training program (my choice), or select a specific area, such as memory, executive function, or inspection time. There are LSAT exercise groups on the site, among others. For me, my morning is not complete without my brain quiz to find out how old my brain is today.

The site boasts that not only has it been found to improve memory and concentration, it also helps to relieve anxiety and reduce feelings of stress. Frankly, I quite agree. What more can you ask of a new love than to stimulate you, support you, improve your mental capacity, and help you lose the blues? Try it; you'll like it!

It's Complicated

Today my daughter Alexis told me about a new movie she had just seen, called "It's Complicated." It was about a couple who had gotten divorced ten years earlier, who fell back in love with each other. She said that the grown children, at the end, began bawling because they were so upset that their parents had re-united. They said, "We're still trying to get over the last breakup." Sounds complicated, all right. The good thing in my opinion, is that the movie addressed a real life situation. In my experience as a divorce lawyer, spouses sometimes do get back together once they have moved on, tried someone else, and realized it's not all it's cracked up to be. And children are always upset when their parents split up, no matter how old they are.

Over the holiday I watched "Four Christmases" with Reese Witherspoon and Vince Bond. It was about a couple who diligently avoids marriage...and their divorced parents over the holiday. When bad weather grounds them from their usual holiday get-away, their families learn that they are in town. Then the couple is "stuck" visiting four groups (each one's parents and significant others). The movie was funny, but what I liked best about it was that it reflected what is reality for most people in America.

The days of Ozzie and Harriet are gone, and more often then not, divorced and blended families (two divorced people who marry each other and try to "blend" their existing families) are the reality. It's great to see current entertainment reflecting this, helping us learn how to cope with the way things are now.