On the road again...to Kyoto

Riding the bullet train to Kyoto with Kentaro and Fumi-san

April 1: I check out of my room and sit in the lobby to wait for Kentaro and his Mom. I've been listening to the audio version of The Power of Now nonstop since I got here, and I motionlessly practice being in my body while I wait. I am sure that the entire staff is impressed with my zen-ness. Probably, however, they just think I am a bit weird. Nevertheless, I enjoyed it.

The plan is for Kentaro, Fumi-san, and I to hop on the train to Kyoto and stay in a traditional Japanese hotel tonight. Tomorrow, sister Mari will join us, and on April 3rd Yoshimasa-san will complete the group. This leg of the journey turns out to be the very best part of the most wonderful trip of my life. Saying this, I am sure you can imagine it means lots of photos and you would be absolutely right!

For one thing, our main purpose in going to Kyoto was to visit the Imperial Villa at Katsura. Kentaro's family remembered that in my college days I had studied, and loved, this architectural wonder deemed by experts the world over to be the most architecturally perfect dwelling ever created. I shared this when they visited my home ten years ago, and explained how my choice of furniture reflected my taste for the beautiful style of Katsura. Remembering this, ten years later, the Chiba family applied to the government lottery for permission to visit Katsura...and obtained it!

When I told them I was finally going to make it to Japan, they asked if I wanted to stay in a traditional or "regular" hotel. I said traditional, or whatever they thought, since I really didn't know what that entailed. They came up with a remarkable variety for me to enjoy. (They were a little concerned that I couldn't handle sleeping on the traditional futon, instead of a regular bed.)

But honestly, at our first traditional hotel in Kyoto, the Hiiragiya Bekkan (loosely translated as the Holly Tree Hotel), I realied that I had just arrived in Heaven.

Kentaro and his Mom had one apartment (you couldn't just call it a "room"), and I had my own. Since I am going to go completely overboard and show a ton of pictures on this incredible place, I'll save my further comments about this place. Except to say that, upon arrival at Hiiragiya Bekken, I was sure I was living in my very own Katsura (albeit on a slightly smaller scale).

Before that magic moment, however, I had great fun at the Shinkansen ("bullet") train station. The Shinkansen is a high-speed train, nicknamed bullet for its speed. The train station, to me, was a delightful place. I got to go with Ken and pick out my meal at a myriad of small restaurants in the station. (What the Japanese refer to as "fast food" is a tantalizing tray filled with small boxes, each containing different types of vegetables and/or seafood.) When we landed, Ken took me to the souvenir shop in the station, where I could easily have spent an hour buying little treasures for the folks at home. Everything in Japan is treated with such respect! I bought little washcloths, or handkerchiefs, meant for wiping one's brow but clearly too beautiful to actually do so, small incense burners and incense, adorable charms for the cell phone (or, in my case, purse), and so forth.

For each and every one, they included a small paper gift bag with a sticker to close it up once the gift had been wrapped. I don't know if other people use this, but I can tell you that when I returned home, I wrapped up each and every souvenir in its own little bag, and carefully closed it up with the sticker. It makes the tiny gift that much more special.

Except for the keychains I'd promised Perez from Tokyo, this began my souvenir buying. I got so much pleasure out of purchasing these lovely items, and each night I would take them out and look at them, imagining how happy the lucky recipient would be to receive them.

I told you I was a bit weird.

Dynamic Tokyo!

(PICTURES: 1-3: Our tour bus and view from the Tokyo Tower. 4-6: My finger appearing at the Happo-en Garden, other Garden pictures. 7-9: Traditional wedding and other beauties, all at the Four Seasons Tokyo Hotel at Chinzan-so. 10-12: Imperial Palace - Nijubashi Double Bridge, Security Post and Watchtower. 13-15: Senso-ji Buddhist Temple, fortune boxes, and incense pot. 16: Enchante, French Restaurant at the Da-Ichi Hotel

March 30: Ken and his family hooked me up with an 8 hour tour, to places I never knew about but would have wanted to see. It really gives a newbie like me a first-class look at Tokyo's main sightseeng spots. First, there's Tokyo Tower, which the guide says symbolizes Japan's recovery after the war, for many of its citizens. At night it lights up like a 333 meter high Christmas tree, and from the literature there is quite the popular hot spot for dancing. At the top-most floor, there is a glass tile in the floor that enables you to look all the way down. For people like me, standing on it for a quarter of a second gives you the hair-raising feeling that you are going to plummet to your death on the ground far, far below.

Next, and more to my interest, we go to the magnificent Happo-en garden to experience a traditional Japanese tea ceremony. I learn that this beautiful garden was once part of a daimyo's mansion (daimyos were the heads of powerful clans who controlled domains and provinces in medieval Japan) during the Edo period (1603-1867). I was already treated to a similar tea ceremony by Fumi-san, ten years ago when they came to visit Kentaro at my home, so I was familiar with the delicious deep green tea and the ritual of turning the bowl so that the decoration faces away from you as you drink. Before we left the gardens I got the chance to see a young couple in beautiful wedding dress, posing for pictures (the photographer waved me out of the way as I was blocking the background, but I got a couple shots), and also had a chance to view the interior of one of the incredible dining halls.

For lunch, where else but the incredible Four Seasons Hotel in Tokyo? I went to a Four Seasons once before, in San Diego for Berry Gordy's wedding in 1993. The Tokyo hotel kept up the fine tradition of knock-your-socks off ambience, in true Japanese style. After a delicious lunch prepared at our table (Japanese-style barbecue on a stone grill created from molten lava from none other than Mount Fuji), I got the chance to walk along the river, which was flush with cherry blossoms (sakura) in full bloom and lovely pink Japanese lanterns. Tokyo is a busy, bustling city, like New York. I would never have dreamed there was such a scenic garden spot in the middle of this city of over 12 million people!

After lunch, we headed for the Imperial Palace Nijubashi Bridge (we didn't go inside the palace because, as the tour guide explained, the Emperor hadn't invited us today). Again, right in the middle of big city Tokyo, is a huge estate surrounded by a moat, no less, where the Emperor lives. Outside, where we plebians were required to remain, there was Merry-Go-Round Park. I was on the prowl for a suitable souvenir keychain for a certain court clerk I know (and you know who you are, Perez!) who collects them. I couldn't get her just any one, so I was delighted to find one with a little wooden Japanese girl doll (there is a name for them but I forget) at a stand in view of the Gate of the Emperor's incredible estate.

After a quick stop at the moat, we drove past the Ginza shopping district, where I recognized local landmarks that I was familiar with (such as Gucci, Coach, and Hermes) on our way to the Imperial (Kaminarimon) Gate. Here, our tour guide advised us we would be able to get souvenirs galore. I was still on the lookout for a traditional Japanese kitty cat (aka Maneki Neko) keychain for Perez, so this was good news for me! Also, the guide recommended using the restrooms here as they were what she called "Western" style (little does she know that we Westerners don't really have the cool toilets with all the buttons, but those are the ones she meant). Traditional Japanese toilets are more primitive, of the "squat and aim" variety.

She also advised us how to ask where something was: For example, "Toilet do-ko?"

After a brief walk along the river, where the guide pointed out Sakura parties in progress (apparently during cherry blossom season, locals get saki and snacks and party down under the blooming cherry trees), the group split up to visit the 90 shops in the arcade leading up to the Imperial Gate and the Buddhist temple Senso-ji.

The shops were a bit much for me. I wasn't used to hundreds of people crammed together and bumping into each other, leaving only inches for each one to move. Besides, since I drink water constantly I have to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes. So after I had secured a Maneki Neko keychain for Perez, I tried to find the highly recommended Western style bathrooms.

Unfortunately, I didn't correctly remember the word for "Where." I thought our guide said "Do-koo?" (Which, I later learned, means "poison.") So I suppose I can't fault the owners of the coffee shop I ran into and urgently requested "Restroom, do-koo?" They gave me a puzzled look and said "Coffee?" I received similar responses to my inquiry from other shop owners. First, (I later learned) they have no idea a "restroom" is, and coupled with "poison" they probably just figured I was nuts.

In desperation I resorted to my map, and finally I was at least able to locate the traditional Japanese toilets. Which will work in a pinch.

It was nearing 5 and I was wearing out by this time, but determined not to quit until I saw it all. I trudged on to the Senso-ji temple. In front of the impressive edifice, I saw a lot of people burning incense, sticking it into a large pot and fanning the smoke towards themselves. Figuring it couldn't hurt, I joined them.

Inside the temple, there was a place where you could buy a fortune (not massive wealth; but a little paper telling you your future). By then I had found my original group, just in time to hear the tour guide explain that you could buy the fortune and if it was good, keep it. If it was bad, you tied it onto a series of wires and thereby avoided the bad luck. I noticed the massive amount of little papers tied to the wires, and decided not to buy a fortune. If I could get out of a bad one just by tying it to a wire and buying a new one until I got one that I liked, how providential could it be? Besides, I was wiped out and just wanted to get back to my hotel.

Some of us (including me) were dropped off in Ginza, to walk home from there. I would have liked to have taken the train, and just stood mindlessly until my stop. But without my host son Kentaro to read the signs for me, I was afraid I'd end up in Timbukto with no idea how to get back. I was too tired for such adventure, and a little sick as well.

Usually, being dropped off in the shopping district would be good news for someone like me, who enjoys stopping by the Coach store now and again. Fortunately, I did remember the way very well just from the familiar landmarks: There's the Kabuki Theater. There's Gucci, and Hermes, and there's Coach.

Being on holiday and thinking I might find something distinctly Japanese for myself or my daughter, I did stop at the Coach store (I might be tired but I'm still a woman!). But I was too exhausted to even look, let alone handle the over-zealous clerk who was determined to sell me something at all costs. So I explained I was under the weather and walked on to my hotel. Luckily, Kentaro and I had taken this way yesterday and I remembered the Peninsula Building he pointed out, my signpost for where I had to turn left to walk down the alley. Alleys in general are much safer to walk down in Japan, and I had a fairly long but unevent walk home, whereupon I collapsed in my room.

March 31: A free day for me, so I slept in, went back to the Ginza district to check out what I'd missed the day before. I asked Kentaro for a good Japanese stationery store, and he pointed me to Itoya, a very elegant, tiny-but-tall store in Ginze that was 9 stories high. No one understood what I meant by "stationery" so I was sent to almost every floor. Result - I got to see all the cool stuff they had, and finally even found stationery! In the evening, it was dinner and a glass of champagne at a nice French restaurant in the hotel. The restaurant was beautiful, and what was best for me is that it was blissfully empty, save two other tables. I sat in a dreamy daze, listening to Chopin and enjoying the peace.

More about Japanese hotels...

Okay, now that I've gone to the nitty-gritty about Japanese toilets, I want to share my thoughts on Japanese hotels.

They are better than American hotels.

Why? Because they are simple, and efficient. For example, every Japanese hotel I've been in, without exception, has slippers there for you. They also have a preheated pot of hot water and a tea set with plenty of green tea. Clearly they understand that these things are necessities, and something any civilized person needs the minute they come into the room.

As if that weren't enough, they have button panels that are easily understood (even by someone like me, who doesn't speak the language), which enable you to turn on and off the lights, or in some cases even open and close the drapes, at the touch of a button. Apparently like all hotels in Asia (I say this because it is also true in Hong Kong) you have to place your hotel key in a holder near the door to activate the lights. This is a great way to avoid wasting energy.

But wait! I've saved the best for the last. The real reason Japanese hotels are superior to American hotels, is because they have alarm clocks that you can actually figure out how to use. I'm not kidding. I can't tell you how many American hotels I've been in that have a gizmo (clock, alarm, radio, CD player, noise machine, etc. etc.) that is completely incomprehensible when it comes to setting the alarm. "Yes," you may say, "but that is because you are technologically impaired." And, I would have to admit, that is true. But there have been times (in was actually at a Marriott hotel in Canada) when I called the guest services for someone to come up and show me how to work it...and they couldn't figure it out either!

Now, what is the point of that? It means you have to rely on a wake-up call. And people forget. Not often, but one missed wake-up call is all you need to miss your flight.

In Japan, the alarm clock section has three buttons. One turns it on, or off. One moves the wake-up time up, and one button moves it back. That's it. Why does any clock need more than that?

When I travel, I don't want to spend half an hour just before I go to bed, trying to figure out the alarm clock and feeling like I deserve an award of some kind when I finally do. I just want to go to bed, and make sure I will get up at the right time.

In Japan, whether modern or traditional (complete with futon for sleeping and shoji screens), they understand this. And for that I thank them, from the bottom of my heart. (By the way, the picture above is still of my first hotel in Japan. The finger on the left hand side is mine. I guess you could call it my trademark.)

Da-Ichi Hotel, Dr. Masuro Emoto, and more...

1-2: More pics of the Da-Ichi main hotel. 3: Family pic with Kentaro's friend, Tristan 4: Me, looking disheveled at the Udon restaurant in Tokyo prior to going to Dr. Emoto's office.

March 29: Yes, I really am going to talk about each day of my trip. Thanks to Kentaro and his family, every day was filled with something different. They knew what interested me, they thought of places I didn't even know about that would probably interest me, and reserved it all for me. At left is a picture of the lobby at the Da-Ichi Hotel. Kentaro and I had talked via email about going to the big electronics store in Tokyo to buy a digital camera when I arrived. After we did, however, I decided not to get it as the instructions would all be in Japanese. I have enough trouble trying to decipher instructions on electronic doodads in English, so I thought it best to leave well enough alone.

Instead, Kentaro loaned me one of their spare digitals, and with it I took a few pics. The 29th in Tokyo dawned cold and rainy, changing at one point to sleet as Kentaro and I roamed the city looking for a likely place to have lunch. We found a tiny Udon (noodle) restaurant, and slipped inside to escape a small hailstorm which had suddenly taken the cold up a notch. I discovered in my soup a species of tiny mushrooms which grew in a bunch, and seemed to lodge themselves between my teeth. A bit disconcerting.

At 3 p.m., Ken had made an appointment for us to visit the main office of Dr. Masuro Emoto, a scientist and author of The Hidden Messages in Water. His work was featured in the movie, What the Bleep Do We Know? and I had been interested in it ever since. Since Dr. Emoto is Japanese, I asked Ken via email prior to my visit if he had ever heard of him. He hadn't, but looked him up and found out his main office was in Tokyo. Ken arranged for us to visit and we rode the trains that day to his neck of the city.

Ken gave me a card that I could use in the scanners, to ride subways or trains in the city. Both are a pretty amazing experience for someone who is used to riding alone in her Lexus. Packed with far more people than seats, the sardine experience was a new one for me-but not for Ken! While I clung to the poles or the straps to stay upright, he stood perfectly balanced in the middle of the aisle without holding onto anything, like it was the most normal thing in the world. Apparently he rides them every day to work, so it's nothing new for him. (Later, I even noticed people standing up with their heads resting on their chest, asleep!) Although Kentaro said I could use the card to ride the subways or trains on my own, I doubted my ability to figure out the directions in the bustling, crowded stations and decided instead to stick with cabs. I didn't want to end up in a distant city without a working cell phone or knowledge of the language.

Dr. Emoto was in Italy when we visited his office, but his assistant showed us around the laboratory and offered to answer any questions I had. Kentaro patiently translated for me, and I got the chance to ask some questions I had about Dr. Emoto's research. It was interesting, though not the highlight of the trip. I really enjoyed Dr. Emoto's book, however, and I believe respect for water is something greatly needed in this world.

After our visit, Kentaro said his mother had planned for us all to have dinner together at their home. I was feeling a bit under the weather and asked Ken if he'd mind my taking a nap before going to his home. I was concerned that he would have nothing to do for an hour while I slept (since it was a 40 minute multi-train ride to his house, it would have been silly for him to go home for just one hour and return). I needn't have worried though! Ken found plenty to do to keep busy while I slept, and one hour later he returned to my hotel with two envelopes full of information and my itinerary for the next day.

That night, I got to see Ken's parents, Fumi and Yoshimasa Chiba, again. They had visited Kentaro when he was living at my home, so we knew each other. His Mom had even performed a classical Japanese tea ceremony for me, since she knew I was interested in such things. Fumi-san has a sparkling and cheerful personality, coupled with kindness and good humor. In addition, she is very outgoing and just plain fun to be around. Yoshimasa-san is more reserved but equally kind, with a wonderful smile that lets you know his feelings. It was so good to see them both, and to enjoy the delicious feast that Fumi-san had prepared!

Kentaro's friend Tristan from the Phillipines also came to join the fun, and after dinner they had a big surprise: Ken's father had filmed the tea ceremony at my house in 2000, and suddenly there we all were on the screen! It was pretty cool to see us all from 'way back then, and it brought back lots of good memories. Yoshimasa-san also gave me a copy of the DVD to take home and share.

It may sound funny, but I want to digress for a moment here and talk about something that is usually "taboo" and that is...toilets. In Japan, people are very clean and neat. And efficient. Their toilets are nothing short of amazing. Not only are the seats heated, but they have an "arm" alongside the seat with buttons, that give you a variety of options. One is the bidet option. Another is the option shown by a button with a simple cartoon of a "butt" with water squirting on it. (You get the idea.) Then, of course, there is a "stop" button, so that you can end the washing actions. Some have a "super deodorizer" button, to keep life smelling beautiful. And last but not least, for those of us who value our privacy in the restroom, there is a button with an artificial flushing sound to cover up "other" noises.

I'll admit, when I first checked into my hotel room I couldn't even figure out how to flush this toilet! I had to remember my son Alex's constant admonition to me, to try and figure things out for myself instead of immediately calling for help. And, once I did get the hang of it, I was amazed that we primitive Americans could settle for a simple, cold-seated toilet on a daily basis. Think of the cleanliness we are missing out on! I am hopeful that someone will come along and revolutionize the American toilet industry by introducing these wonderful seats in the good old U.S. of A.

Wow, did I just wax enthusiastic about a toilet?? I'd better "end" here.

Next Stop: Tokyo!

March 27: I'm excited to be leaving for my trip to Japan and Hong Kong. It's my first trip in 6 years that will last more than 4 days. My son Alex takes me and my huge blue suitcase, and small leopard carry- on case, to the airport.

March 28: 13 hours later, I arrive at Narita Airport in Tokyo. I never thought of myself as The Ugly American, but foolishly I expected that everyone would speak English when I arrived. Wrong! I stand in the midst of hundreds (thousands?) of people, all of whom are speaking Japanese and have no idea what I'm trying to say. Most just ignore my feeble efforts to communicate. Luckily, through the crowd I spot my friend Kentaro Chiba, the handsome young man who as an exchange student lived with my family in the states for his junior year in high school. Kentaro doesn't look like he's changed a bit from the last time I saw him. He is the reason I came to Japan, when he wrote and advised me that it had been ten years since he came to America and it was "high time" I came to Japan.

With him is his beautiful sister Mari, whom I've never met but is friendly and kind from the first moment. (Note: I am equally as good at taking pics as I am at speaking Japanese, which is why I have no pictures of Kentaro or Mari until two days later, when we are having dinner with the family and someone else brings out a camera.) Luckily Kentaro is fluent in English and navigates me through my ignorance of the language and smoothly out of the airport. Mari trained at the university to be an English teacher herself, so I couldn't be in better hands. I'm a bit dazed from the long trip and happy to follow them meekly to the car.

It's no surprise that Kentaro and Mari are so great. Their parents, Yoshimasa and Fumi Chiba, are two of the finest people I've ever met. After Kentaro finished his year abroad and returned home, they wrote and told me to come to Japan . They said all I had to do was get there, and they would take care of the rest. They meant it, too! Ten years later, I show up in Tokyo and they have my whole trip planned. Every hotel is hand-picked by them, and every day planned. Thank God, as I would have been lost trying to figure out where to stay and how to enjoy this beautiful country to the fullest without their assistance.

Top 6 Signs of Impending Divorce

http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/signsyourmarriageisover/tp/signsofdivorce.htm

Interesting article on signs that your marriage is over. If you have some or all of these in your marriage then run don't walk to the marriage counselor, or contact us immediately. We can't heal your marriage, but if it's over we can help you end it in a respectful, cost-effective way.

Simple Solutions

Yesterday was a red letter date for me: I moved the cat food dish.

What? you ask. Is that a sentence from a child’s reader? Maybe. It’s also a simple solution to a large problem that has plagued me for quite some time.

Everybody who reads this column knows I have cats; three darling little “angels of cuteness,” as I call them. I keep their food and water in a place in the kitchen that is part of the main traffic pattern in the house. As a result, visitors often come and kick the dishes over, spilling their contents across the floor.

Time after time, I have cleaned up the mess after someone, (and you people know who you are), has walked right into what is in plain view. I have never uttered a word of complaint? Why? ‘Cuz I’m nice, that’s why. And I don’t like conflict. So I just swallowed my feelings, and I bought a kiosk that held the two dishes in place. “At last, I thought, this will keep the klutzes from smashing into the cat dishes!”

No such luck. The klutzes kick the kiosk, knocking both the food and water out at once. Again, and again, and again and again.

They are always sorry. They always do it again.

Klutziness has ruled my life, and I just realized that I have had a low grade “mad” going about it for, like, two years! Isn’t that dumb?

I thought so. And then, yesterday, I had a brainstorm: I decided to move the kiosk to a location that is off the beaten path, still available to the angels of cuteness, but not accessible to the clueless denizens who assault it every day. (Heaven bless them). So many times, I have cleaned up after some guileless (mindless)… person, who had no idea he had done something to offend me. And now to find out that the clueless person, was actually… me!

What amazing benefits come to us when we decide to bless ourselves with personal action!

As soon as I moved the kiosk, I noticed how much easier it was to reach the cappuccino in the cupboard above it, without stepping around the dishes. I observed how quickly I could access the cling wrap in the drawer behind, without squeezing in to get there. In short, as soon as I eliminated the problem with this simple change, life got much, much better on a variety of fronts.

Is there a cat dish in your life? Some pet peeve you harbor that you are actually creating yourself? Think about it. Although it’s simple, it may not be obvious (until after you make the change, of course). On a conscious level we may seem to be the innocent “victim” of others’ behavior. But in truth, we are totally responsible for everything that happens in our lives.

Have you ever been in a rush to get somewhere, and then been frustrated at the slow drivers who keep you from getting where you need to go, on time? I have. The real problem, of course, is leaving without enough time to allow for slowdowns, traffic jams, and the like. If we did that, we would just sit back and enjoy the ride.

Everything in our lives serves some purpose. For me, the cat food dish may have been my subconscious way of weeding out the “unacceptable” people (“If you can’t even notice a dish that’s right in your way, you can’t be that sharp.”); or maybe it let me feel superior to those without this minimal awareness of their surroundings.

None of this was obvious to me on a conscious level, of course. It was just a source of great annoyance, as I wondered how anyone (who claimed to be worthy of my company) could fail to see such a large dish, time and again. But now that I’ve eliminated the problem, I have to wonder how I could have failed to see such a simple solution, until now.

In fact, the cat dish saga is becoming a major epiphany for me. I have begun to see more and more circumstances in which I feel anger or frustration, which I created myself, without even realizing it. I “set myself up.” In these exciting and challenging times, it’s important to eliminate areas of needless frustration so we that can focus our energies on things like the global reinvention that is happening all around us.

If you find yourself in a particular situation that seems to occur again and again in your life, which causes you upset, it’s time to start looking for the “cat dish” solution. Don’t criticize yourself. You are not a victim, and you are not a fool. You created this problem for a reason. The Universe will reveal it to you, and then, suddenly, the solution will be obvious. You will derive the benefit of your problem, and then free yourself up from needless aggravation to move on to bigger and better things.

For me, guess what? The person that always walked into the cat dish is not here anymore. As it turns out, he was unconscious of a great number of things that were simply too important to overlook. Do you see? As you take control of your life, the people that serve your highest good either adjust, or they move on. The key is to respect the fact that you are the creator of your own challenges, for your own reasons. Once you grasp that truth, and take action, you will instantly come into your power.