Clearing Your Space

Your physical space is a reflection of your mental state. Create orderly surroundings by eliminating needless things, and you will reap the benefits of an ordered mind.

Do you want to know the state of your mind? You don't have to go to a psychologist for expensive testing. Take a look at your surroundings. What is the state of your home; your bedroom; your office? Look closely. You are seeing the state of your mind, projected before you.

...If you own up to clutter, now is the time to let it go. Just an hour or two a week spent de-cluttering will increase your sense of serenity. Start in one room and throw away 25 items you no longer need.

Whenever I faced a problem in my life in my journey after divorce, I found that de-cluttering often helped me find the solution. Once, I chose to start by clearing out my home office. I threw away papers, files, and cases that had closed years ago. As I worked, I listened to Louise Hay's Receiving Properity CD, and affirmed to myself, "I am cleaning out the legal files of my mind." In the process, I found a current file that I had been looking for everywhere, and another file that applied to a pending case. When the project was done, I had transformed my office from a foreign, chaotic place to be avoided into an orderly domain. The immediate reward was a feeling of serenity.

...In a Zen Buddhist story, a student comes to a master seeking wisdom. The seeker spoke endlessly about what he already knew. The master said nothing. Finally, he took the student's cup and began pouring tea into until it overflowed all over the table. "Stop!" the student cried. "Can't you see the tea is overflowng?" The Zen master replied, "Exactly. I cannot fill a cup that is already full." If we hold onto old experiences, bad memories, and the flotsam and jetsam of our waking lives, we leave no room for the new. Wisdom enters a clear space.

(Excerpt from JIGSAW: Picking up the Pieces After Divorce by Mindy L. Hitchcock) To read more, go to Amazon.com: http://www.amazon.com/Jigsaw-Putting-Pieces-Together-Divorce/dp/1419663526/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1248568816&sr=1-1

Divorce: It's All in Your Point of View

I had a monumental insight today. It happened after momentarily re-connecting with someone with whom I once had a personal relationship. My reasons for ending it were very clear to me. Yet in my communication with him today, it was clear that he had a very different view of the relationship. He wasn't lying; he actually believed what he was saying to me.

I see this phenomena all the time in divorce. Talk to the wife about why the marriage ended, and she will tell you all about the husband's faults. Listening, it is very clear that he was the entire problem. He was demanding, a control freak, a cheat. Then ask the husband, and you will hear a completely different side of the story. She was too passive, she didn't fulfill his sexual needs, didn't appreciate him, etc. So different, you would think you were talking about two completely different marriages.

When I was thirteen, my parents got divorced. When my Mother told the story, it was all my Father's fault. He was demanding and threatening, and my Mom was the innocent victim. I expressed the belief that my Mom was a victim one time to my Dad, and he almost choked. He said, "I thought she was a dominating monster."

Going through this phenomena with my former significant other today really crystalized what was going on. Everybody focuses on their own point of view, almost to the complete exclusion of the other's. (No wonder the relationship didn't work!) You may say, "This is all very interesting, but so what? Who cares if you and your ex-boyfriend don't see eye to eye?"

Probably no one. But it took me back to when I was a teenager. I was completely confounded by this, to the point I said to my Mom, "One of you is lying." But in fact, they were both telling the truth. Their truth.

This is so important to remember for kids who are going through divorce, and underscores the need to KEEP THE CHILDREN OUT OF IT. Telling them your side of the story only confuses them, and makes them feel they must take sides. It's hard enough to make sense of things when a kid's parents are getting divorced. Don't make it worse, by trying to win them to your truth.

For me, this confusion lead me early on to despair that such a thing as love really existed. I then went down a fairly destructive path, from which I am grateful to say I returned. Some kids aren't so lucky, however. My younger sister became a hard core alcoholic and last year, died. We never know how a child will respond to the trauma that occurs in divorce. Let your kids make their own decisions about who did, or didn't, do what. A Course in Miracles asks the question, "Would you rather be right, or be happy?" Be happy.

Seasons of Life

Often we expect ourselves to be the same every day, regardless of what is going on in our life. That is why we need to learn respect for our own personal seasons. Zen master Taisen Deshimaru says: "Some people treat their bodies like machines and try to keep them running indefinitely; then they wear out and cannot find their balance, and then come sickness and death."

...There is an ebb and flow to life and I am a part of it. So are you. We cannot expect the waves to constantly crest; they must first subside and return to the sea. Marianne Williamson says that we are like waves on the ocean, each of us thinking that we are different from other waves and not realizing that we are all part of the same ocean.

Once we realize this truth, we need to accept and allow the natural rhythm of waves. We do not all "crest" at the same time. We need to honor our seasons and get in touch with the power of stillness in motion. This is when the Universal rhythm manifests itself; this is when we discover who we are. You can no more force yourself to grow than you can force a flower to bloom. So don't try. Realize that you are in the right place at the right time, doing the right thing. And so it is.

(Excerpt from JIGSAW: Putting the Pieces Together After Divorce by Mindy L. Hitchcock.) To read more, go to Amazon.com: http://www.amazon.com/Jigsaw-Putting-Pieces-Together-Divorce/dp/1419663526/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1248568816&sr=1-1

Schock Amendment to Prevent Future Foreclosures Passes House

Read the full story:

http://illinois.realestaterama.com/2009/07/24/schock-amendment-to-prevent-future-foreclosures-passes-house-ID0123.html

Living Together: After the Breakup

After the breakup, who gets the lake house?

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/23/garden/23divorce.html?_r=1

How Do I Know When It Is Time to Leave a Relationship?

When is it time to leave a relationship? When you don't love anymore....

Since love is the entire issue that is to be explored, lived out, and ultimately to be honored in your planet, then love must be the center of the focus. there is no rule that says if a heart has moved, if a consciousnes has grown, the human being must remain faithful to something that no longer holds them in the name of society's definition of the meaning of love.

(Excerpt from Emmanual's Book II: The Choice for Love)

Internet Dating Tips, by a Stay-At-Home Dad

As someone who's tried it myself, these tips rang true for me!http://www.huntingtonnews.net/columns/090629-sallan-columnsdadspointofview.html

What God has joined together, recession makes hard to split asunder

Wall Street Journal article on the effects of the recession on divorce. http://online.wsj.com/article_email/SB124743668592229179-lMyQjAxMDI5NDE3MzQxMzM2Wj.html

Stop Cell Phone Harassment Before It Starts!

A friendly reminder: Cell Phone Numbers Go Public this month. All cell phone numbers are being released to telemarketing companies and you will start to receive sales calls. Worse yet, YOU WILL BE CHARGED FOR THESE CALLS!

To prevent this, call the following number from your cell phone: 888-382-1222. It is the National DO NOT CALL list. It will only take a minute of your time. It blocks your number for five (5) years.You must call from the cell phone number you want to have blocked. You cannot call from a different phone number.

It takes only 20 seconds, and can save you a lot of needless aggravation.

And for Those Who Don't Like Working Out...

Be a couch potato in style at one of these 12 awesome and creative home theaters. http://www.toxel.com/tech/2009/07/06/12-unusual-and-creative-home-theaters/ (In all fairness, whoever built these theaters are probably super achievers that work out all the time.) Still, a nice place to veg out.

A Shift in Perception

Today I woke up feeling stressed. I had promised my good friend, Lalitha, that I would spend the day with her. (Lalitha is a guru friend of mine from India. She is here visiting her family for 2 months, and will soon be going back.) Yet, there was a whole host of things I needed to get done that had fallen by the wayside last week, while I hastened to finish up and timely file an appellate brief.

The day after tomorrow my real estate investing mentor will be here, and I had yet to complete the extensive questionnaire that was supposed to be sent two days ago. As soon as I opened my eyes, thoughts of worry, guilt, and stress greeted me.

I decided not to greet them back, however. Lately, I've been doing a meditation called Love's Pathway that focuses on "being love." Part of that is surrendering whatever negative feelings or fears you have, to love.

Well, I did that this morning, but I didn't feel any better. Still the stress was bearing down on me and telling me I just didn't have time to spend with Lalitha today. So I went to the second level. I asked myself: "How can I bring love to this interaction?

I started thinking about what Lalitha would really enjoy doing today, and came up with a great idea: Mani and pedi! I'd take her to lunch and then treat her to a pedicure. I imagined her soaking her feet in the warm, bubbly water, feeling the massage chair knead her sore back, and smiled with pleasure.

So that's what we did. I took her to lunch and told her about my plans. She was pleased, and said that she also needed a haircut. We made a day of it. Lunch, haircut, pedicure (she loved the foot massage, which she said she gets "at home" (India) every day, and had been missing here!), and a manicure. Lalitha even got red polish on her fingernails, something I'd never seen her do before.

After that, a relaxing nap with the "om" box. Lalitha went home happy, and I was, too. Lately I haven't had time to go to the nail place myself, so I got that done while giving pleasure to my friend.

And still had time to get my questionnaire done, with the help of my stepdaughter.

A Course in Miracles says that a miracle is simply a shift in perception. I saw that happen today, and a day that started with stress, ended with joy.