It's been an okay marriage, but you're just not happy. You love him. He is after all the Father of your children, and has been your best friend for many years. You just don't want to be with him anymore. Why? Maybe you think you are missing out on something in the world. Maybe your life has become stagnant and you want a change, something new and exciting. It could just be that the romance is gone and you really want to feel loved again. He doesn't look at you like he once did, his kisses aren't passionate anymore, the lovemaking is dull and predictable (if it even exists at all), and the excitement you once felt when he grabbed you and held you tight is all but gone...so you decide you want a divorce.
You're sure that he will understand. After all, he must be as unhappy as you are. Day in and day out you do the same things, go through the same routine, and you both need a change. You have given this a lot of thought, and you are sure that it will be a simple, uncontested, mutual parting of the ways. And in the end you will remain great friends and be wonderful parents, probably even better than you are now, because you will both be happier. Caution: Road block ahead!
Let's look at this scenario from his point of view.
You tell him that you are unhappy (he sees fire), that you are bored (he is offended), that you miss the romance (he thinks there is another man), and that you love him but just don't want to be married to him anymore (his world has just crumbled in less than 60 seconds).
Ladies, he is not going to give you roses at this point. In fact, in the very immediate future, he is very likely to hurt you with harsh, angry words. Even if you were right in your analysis that your marriage has become nothing more than a co-habitation of convenience, the fact is that the two of you built a world together, and now it is ending. Going your separate ways means that someone is going to become a part-time parent, and have to find a new place to live ~ and he knows it is usually the man.
Be prepared. He is going to become defensive, accusing, and quick to point out every flaw and shortcoming that you have ever had, and believe me, he knows them all (men keep a mental list too; they just don't pull it out as often). Not only will he name them all, but he will magnify and intensify them. Even though it hurts, try to develop a thick skin and don't react to his anger. The most important person in his world has just rejected him. He's not going to take that in stride. Hurt feelings need time to heal.
Allow him to vent and be angry~he has that right. It is only fair, as you have just told him that he is not the person he believed himself to be all these years. In a sense, his identity has been stolen and he has to figure out why, where, when, and what to do now. Not to mention that you have just bruised his ego in a big way.
This is where a good attorney comes in. You are right; a divorce can be civilized and should be, especially when children are involved. In a case such as this, where one party just is not happy anymore, a civil parting of the ways is certainly possible and infinitely more desirable. In this situation, a good family law attorney can serve you well and respect both of your needs as one-time-lovers transitioning into divorced parents and friends. That's why our motto is, "It started with love, why not end it the same way?"
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