That's the last line from a poem on the little plaque my daughter bought me, back when my former husband and I had just split up. I was handling everything on my own for the first time, and I guess she knew I felt scared sometimes. So she bought me that to encourage me. Many's the time I read that poem and felt comforted by its verses.
We all get scared at different points in our life, and divorce is one of those times. I see this often in my practice, especially with women and usually when the case is almost over. What hurts is that often, just when they are in the final stretch, women become fearful and begin to doubt their lawyer. Then they "jump ship," hire a new lawyer...and start all over.
Maybe what they are really afraid of is the case ending and facing what comes after that. I don't know. Maybe they begin to doubt their own judgment, and start to take advice from their friends and associates (you know; the ones that are always there with their own horror stories and free advice on what "should" be happening in the case).
They start to look at the lawyer they chose to guide them through this ordeal, and decide they don't know what they're doing. They panic, and run to the nearest lawyer who tells them what they want to hear. There are unscrupulous lawyers ready to reel them in by telling them how their current lawyer is doing everything wrong.
Short of some incredible breakdown of communication between client and lawyer (like a fistfight, perhaps), this is the worst possible thing a client can do. They dump the very person who knows their case almost as well as they do, and start all over with someone who knows nothing about the case, just as the case is about to end. Not only do they not know the dynamics of the parties; but they will charge the client for the time it takes to learn what the first lawyer already knows.
Sadly, many women don't realize that the best thing they could do at this particular point in the case, is confess, "Look, this is the scariest moment of my life and I'm so afraid of making the wrong decision. My husband is telling me one thing, and my girlfriends are telling me another. But I picked you to represent me, so I am going to trust that you will make sure I come out of this all right."
With a statement like that, their lawyer will move heaven and earth to do right by them, because they know their client is depending on them.
Generally speaking, people who become lawyers are "helpers." They truly get satisfaction from helping people in difficult circumstances. (I've seen this first-hand over and over, whenever I post a question or problem on the family law listserv.) In my own experience, although I do my best for every client, those clients who let me know that they have put their faith in me get that "extra effort." The evening emails, the weekend calls, whatever it takes to make sure their needs are met. It becomes personal, because I know they have put their trust in me and I am not going to let them down.
Attorneys are human beings like anyone else, and when their client begins taking Aunt Martha's advice instead of their lawyer's, it's insulting. If the client disbelieves what they say and runs out to consult with seven other lawyers, the relationship is at an end. Of course a client has every right to talk with as many lawyers as they want.
But by the time the end of the case is reached, one would hope that the client had enough confidence in their lawyer to trust their advice. It's hard to explain that to a client in "panic mode," yet it is so regrettable because of the damage they do to their own case. Worst of all, they undermine their confidence in their own ability to make decisions, by rejecting the very person they selected to represent them in a major life event. This is not a promising way to start their new life!
In a way, it reminds me of the old "acres of diamonds" story. The man in Africa who sold his property and set out across the country, looking for diamonds and dying penniless, years later. Meanwhile, the man who bought his property came upon some pretty stones in the brook, right there in his own backyard. And it turned out to be a veritable mother lode of diamonds which the first man had overlooked, in his rush to find treasure elsewhere.
I urge you not to make this mistake yourself. By trusting in your current lawyer, you are trusting in yourself, in your own judgment. From here you will move on to make many more important decisions in your life, and you will have learned that no one knows your needs better than you! Otherwise, you continue to take other people's advice on what is best for you, and you never come into your own and find out who you truly are. So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit. It's when things seem worst, that you must not quit.
We all get scared at different points in our life, and divorce is one of those times. I see this often in my practice, especially with women and usually when the case is almost over. What hurts is that often, just when they are in the final stretch, women become fearful and begin to doubt their lawyer. Then they "jump ship," hire a new lawyer...and start all over.
Maybe what they are really afraid of is the case ending and facing what comes after that. I don't know. Maybe they begin to doubt their own judgment, and start to take advice from their friends and associates (you know; the ones that are always there with their own horror stories and free advice on what "should" be happening in the case).
They start to look at the lawyer they chose to guide them through this ordeal, and decide they don't know what they're doing. They panic, and run to the nearest lawyer who tells them what they want to hear. There are unscrupulous lawyers ready to reel them in by telling them how their current lawyer is doing everything wrong.
Short of some incredible breakdown of communication between client and lawyer (like a fistfight, perhaps), this is the worst possible thing a client can do. They dump the very person who knows their case almost as well as they do, and start all over with someone who knows nothing about the case, just as the case is about to end. Not only do they not know the dynamics of the parties; but they will charge the client for the time it takes to learn what the first lawyer already knows.
Sadly, many women don't realize that the best thing they could do at this particular point in the case, is confess, "Look, this is the scariest moment of my life and I'm so afraid of making the wrong decision. My husband is telling me one thing, and my girlfriends are telling me another. But I picked you to represent me, so I am going to trust that you will make sure I come out of this all right."
With a statement like that, their lawyer will move heaven and earth to do right by them, because they know their client is depending on them.
Generally speaking, people who become lawyers are "helpers." They truly get satisfaction from helping people in difficult circumstances. (I've seen this first-hand over and over, whenever I post a question or problem on the family law listserv.) In my own experience, although I do my best for every client, those clients who let me know that they have put their faith in me get that "extra effort." The evening emails, the weekend calls, whatever it takes to make sure their needs are met. It becomes personal, because I know they have put their trust in me and I am not going to let them down.
Attorneys are human beings like anyone else, and when their client begins taking Aunt Martha's advice instead of their lawyer's, it's insulting. If the client disbelieves what they say and runs out to consult with seven other lawyers, the relationship is at an end. Of course a client has every right to talk with as many lawyers as they want.
But by the time the end of the case is reached, one would hope that the client had enough confidence in their lawyer to trust their advice. It's hard to explain that to a client in "panic mode," yet it is so regrettable because of the damage they do to their own case. Worst of all, they undermine their confidence in their own ability to make decisions, by rejecting the very person they selected to represent them in a major life event. This is not a promising way to start their new life!
In a way, it reminds me of the old "acres of diamonds" story. The man in Africa who sold his property and set out across the country, looking for diamonds and dying penniless, years later. Meanwhile, the man who bought his property came upon some pretty stones in the brook, right there in his own backyard. And it turned out to be a veritable mother lode of diamonds which the first man had overlooked, in his rush to find treasure elsewhere.
I urge you not to make this mistake yourself. By trusting in your current lawyer, you are trusting in yourself, in your own judgment. From here you will move on to make many more important decisions in your life, and you will have learned that no one knows your needs better than you! Otherwise, you continue to take other people's advice on what is best for you, and you never come into your own and find out who you truly are. So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit. It's when things seem worst, that you must not quit.
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