With the rising rates of divorce, it is common to find yourself dating again as a single parent. Being a single parent who is dating again is not always due to divorce, but no matter the reason it can be daunting. Dating can be tricky as it is, but being a single parent, and having to start dating again has its own set of trials and rewards. The trials you face as a single parent are very similar to those anyone who is dating will face, on steroids!
For example, you will have the same insecurities, the same worries, and the same level of difficulty or ease of attracting members of the opposite sex. However, as a single parent your insecurities now include the insecurities of your children, and fears and worry about not only how you feel about someone but how your children feel as well. Even more challenging, now it is not just you the person has to be attracted to, but your child or children as well, (at least, they must be okay with you having a child or children).
As a single parent who is dating you face the dilemma of knowing when to introduce your dates to your children. This can be a real challenge because sometimes it is too much too soon, while other times your date may feel like something is wrong because you have not introduced them yet. Each person's experience is different, but what matters most is how you feel. If you want your kids to meet all of your dates, great. If you only want them to meet the ones you are serious about, that is fine too. You have to evaluate how your children are going to respond to your dates, and be the gatekeeper for when they should meet. A lot depends on the exercise of your good judgment.
As a single parent who is dating, you also have the trial of explaining your choices to your children. Many times children either do not understand or do not want to understand why you are dating again. It does not matter if your child is a teen, a toddler, or an adult! It can be tough to explain your choices to them. In some cases they do not have the emotional capacity to understand why you are with someone other than their mommy or daddy. In other cases they simply resent you for leaving, or for moving on. They may fear that your rejection of their other parent is a rejection of them, and consequently resist your forming a new relationship. The difficulty of this situation will vary based on your children, the time frame, and your situation. For example, if you had a messy divorce, and your teenage child is having a hard time coping with it, and you start dating a week after it is final, they may respond by acting out and making life difficult.
However, if your spouse were to pass away, and a year or so later you decide to date again, they may be far more understanding. Your child or children do not have to like your choices, but it is always a good idea to try and help them understand, or at least respect that it is your choice to make.
The most important fact to remember with single parent dating is that it's a package deal. Your new partner must love you, and love (or being willing to accept) your children. And your kids, while they may not be overjoyed, must at least accept your choice. Otherwise, they will make sure that it doesn't work. Sometimes, moving on from an unhappy marriage to a new, blended family can be out of the frying pan into the fire. So be sure to take your time in moving into a new, long-term relationship.
