LADY4JUSTICE

Turning Point - Help When You Need It

2012-01-09T18:33:00.000-08:00

I want to take a moment to acknowledge a great organization: Turning Point, Inc. in Macomb County. I went to the court this afternoon to help a client from a different culture obtain a PPO (personal protection order). A very gracious lady helped us through the entire process and then went up with us to present our request to the Judge. Her assistance was invaluable, and she gave my client lots of paperwork to help her through the future ordeal, from numbers to call to developing an escape plan.

I'm usually on the other side of a PPO, defending against someone who improperly got a PPO just to obtain an unfair advantage in a custody case. Today I saw the value of an excellent organization like Turning Point. I'm glad they're there to help people truly in need.

Study Shows Facebook Cited in 1/3 of Divorce Filings

2012-01-05T20:57:00.000-08:00

January 2012: As the New Year begins, a study shows that Facebook is a factor in a large number of divorce filings. According to Divorce Online, one third of all breakups that cite unreasonable or outrageous behavior blame Facebook as a cause. This kind of divorce is up 50% in the last two years, they say.

In my practice, the cases where Facebook is involved are not at 30%. I tend to attract people who want to end their marriage peacefully, without all the drama, and that suits me just fine. I've had a few Facebook cases, though, and I must say it astounds me what people will put up on their page.

When I was growing up, we used a diary to put all of our personal information and dirty little secrets, and locked it with a key (and hid it!). When my kids were growing up, I used to tease my daughter that, if it wasn't online, it didn't exist for her. To me, a "private online journal" seems like an oxymoron. And in fact, a few years back I heard the CEO of Google saying that once something is on the internet, it stays there - forever. (Scary, isn't it?) I believe it's the 20-30 age group who are the most prolific on Facebook, and the biggest source of ammo for divorce cases. When you want to find out something about someone on Facebook, it really isn't too hard to find legitimate ways to mine that gold. Food for thought before making your next post.

Steve Jobs' passing - Goodbye to a great man

2011-10-05T20:03:00.000-07:00

Apple co-founder Steve Jobs passed away today at the age of 56. He had a rare form of pancreatic cancer called pancreatic neuroendocrine cancer, which produces islet cell of neuroendocrine tumors. This form is usually less agressive than pancreatic exocrine cancer and patients can usually live longer, with an average survival rate of more than 3 years.

While Jobs' legendary perfectionism and insistence on simplicity and elegance for Apple's products were the qualities of an aesthete, and led to his becoming something of a guru to all Apple employees (Fortune remarked that Apple employees' primary question was always "WWSD - What Would Steve Do?"). But his goal was to create products that could command premium prices and ensure rich profits.

The Apple CEO's unique combination of showmanship, eye for detail and instinct for business strategy may make it hard to identify his rightful place in business history. (He is the young man at left in this picture.)

Everyone knows Steve Jobs pulled off one of the outstanding corporate turnarounds in U.S. history, and he did it on the strength of cool products. Cool products like the Mac my kids use, the iPhone we all depend on, and iTunes, a dependable source of good music for our iPods. Clearly in Steve's case, the "i's" had it.

But coolness aside, Jobs was a master of bare-knuckled business strategies from the old school. Apple's reputation for nearly flawless manufacturing quality, not merely its svelte engineering, is what enables the company to make premium pricing look like a value proposition. Apple devices may cost more, but they always seem to work. In its most recent fiscal year, Apple's profit margin was more than 21%; at Hewlett-Packard, the world's biggest PC manufacturer, it was 7%.

Jobs' well-known control-freak ethos accounts for the closed approach binding Apple's mobile devices and their content — songs purchased from the iTunes store can't be played on competing companies' devices, for example. Although in the iPod's early days, many thought this would doom it to irrelevance, Jobs' strategy paid off. There was a method to his madness: He believed simplicity and consistency would draw customers to legal digital music downloads. And he was right. I used to have other music services on my computer, like Bear Share and another I can't remember. All that remains, is the iTunes store.

And the App Store, through which Apple kept a stranglehold on outside software written for the iPhone, iPad and iPod Touch, is the ultimate expression of Jobs' desire for order. Programs can be distributed through the App Store only after they're approved by Apple, which takes a 30% cut of their revenue — another Jobsian exploitation of a very un-Zen business strategy.

Steve Jobs was a Buddhist. According to the press (much of which is quoted here), his business strategies were very much not in the Buddhist tradition. But all of that is nothing but nay-saying now. Instead, I would simply like to offer Mr. Jobs' family and friends my condolences, and express my gratitude for the miraculous contribution Steve Jobs' brilliance made in my life, and the life of everyone I know. He was truly a genius, a man whose work will continue to bless us for years to come.

Walk On

2011-09-29T19:14:00.001-07:00

We all get discouraged sometimes. Tonight I was cleaning out some personal file cabinets and came across this poem. It's a good one to read when the chips are down:

If you think you are beaten, you are;

If you think you dare not, you don't.

If you'd like to win, but think you can't,

It's almost a cinch you won't.

If you think you'll lose, you're lost,

For out in the world we find

Success begins with a fellow's will;

It's all in the state of mind.

Life's battles don't always go

To the stronger or faster man;

But soon or late, the one who wins

Is the one who thinks he can.

Things that make you go hmmmm

2011-09-28T19:05:00.000-07:00

There are self-proclaimed "Family Law Firms for Women" in Michigan that go by women's first names, and offer seminars and songs, claiming to have a true understanding of a woman's unique perspective. Why are they are owned, and managed, by men?

Making Sense of the Senseless

2011-09-22T17:59:00.000-07:00

Problems are opportunities in workclothes.
Thomas Edison

When suffering through a divorce, it is easy to wish that someone else (like a new mate) would come along and "save" us. Going through trying times can be painful, and no one (least of all me!) enjoys them. Yet struggle is the opportunity God gives us to find our greatness, and this is amply demonstrated by this lesson from Nature:

A man is out walking one day and discovers a caterpillar tucked inside its cocoon. Intrigued, he takes it home with him so that he can watch the caterpillar become a beautiful butterfly. A few days later, he sees a small opening in the cocoon and watches, fascinated, as the caterpillar struggles to emerge. Try as it might, however, the caterpillar just can't seem to force its body out of the tiny hole.

Thinking there must be something wrong and wanting to help, the man takes his scissors and snips the cocoon open. The butterfly is freed immediately, its body large and swollen. Its wings, on the other hand, are tiny and shriveled. The man assumes that after a few hours, the wings will spread out into their natural beauty. But they never do. Instead of becoming the captivating creature that delights us all and symbolizes happiness, the butterfly is doomed to go through its short life dragging a swollen body and shriveled wings.

The struggle the butterfly goes through is Nature's way of forcing the fluid from the caterpillar's body into the butterfly's wings. Without the struggle, the butterfly will never fly. The man's act of "kindness" was in fact a death sentence.

It is the same throughout nature. For example, a diamond is simply elemental carbon, or coal. What makes a diamond the coveted, precious gem that it is, and coal a useful but homely rock we disdain? The same thing that makes a “man or a mouse” out of each of us; the ability to withstand heat and pressure.

Coal can withstand temperatures of 200-300 degrees Celsius. If the pressure or the temperature gets much higher, the host rock melts. Diamonds, on the other hand, are formed only under extreme geological conditions - when temperatures are greater than 800 degrees Celsius and pressure is 50,000 times atmospheric pressure. Such conditions exist only deep below the surface of the earth.

And so it is with us. No matter how difficult or painful the situation we are in, it is a necessary part of helping us grow into the unique person we are meant to be. The same is true for our children. In fact, when we continually bail our children out of their difficulties, we teach them to believe they cannot solve problems for themselves.

So embrace your struggles. Don't look for the easy way out. No matter how far afield life seems to take you, this trip is necessary. Be kind and gentle and patient with yourself as you bravely face the lessons you need to learn.

Do Michigan divorce laws need better clarification on assets?

2011-06-29T05:16:00.000-07:00

Many have questioned the relevancy of MI divorce laws in relation to stay at home spouses. Do they take into consideration that spouses who opt to stay home and raise children are at a much higher disadvantage than their executive level soon-to-be-ex spouse? An article from the Free Press analyzes this dilemma thoughtfully. Click here to read more.

New YouTube channel!

2011-06-10T09:46:00.001-07:00

Check out the L4J YouTube channel, showcasing what packages we offer, tailored to your specific needs!

American Psychiatric Association Reviews the Science, Recognition of Parental Alienation Disorder

2011-05-02T11:20:00.000-07:00

Parental alienation is very real, and it's important for parents to recognize signs of the alienation, and it's effect on children. Read more about what the APA is doing here.

Is social media partially responsible for infidelity?

2011-04-25T09:59:00.000-07:00

According to one report on The Tech Journal, more than 20 percent of an online divorce lawyers case list was because of an affair that started on Facebook. Do you think that social media makes it easier to begin an affair? Has this ever happened to you or someone you know? Read more about the story here

Divorce App for your IPhone?

2011-04-18T06:44:00.000-07:00

Would you consider this a good source of information? A group of family lawyers have released a divorce app for the Iphone and other app friendly phones. Read more about the story here

"We R so over!" Divorce by text banned

2011-04-13T08:24:00.000-07:00

It seems unbelievable that divorce via text message would ever be an option, but in certain countries, it is alive and well. This controversial technique has been outlawed by many countries, including the newest country to join that list, Tajikistan. Read more about this here.

Do you think divorcing my text message should be allowed? Have you ever had it happen to you or someone you know?

Getting a divorce? Watch out for hidden assests

2011-04-11T07:06:00.000-07:00

Dishonesty about financial matters is not uncommon when it comes to divorce. Read this article here to learn about ways to be prepared and proactive in that situation.

Mediation plan "could add to divorce stress"

2011-04-06T08:19:00.000-07:00

Mediation is utilized in divorce proceedings as an attempt to be cost effective and avoid stress, however this article discusses the level of stress it can place upon people to cooperate when they aren't usually on the best terms. Do you think mediation is the way to go or no? Click here to read the article.

2011-04-01T08:41:00.000-07:00

When people are faced with divorce, it can be a very distraught and stressful time. Sometimes the divorce can be a horrific experience for people. In fact, some people would rather commit murder than face it. These stories are a tragic example of that. That's why, at Lady4Justice, we strive to reach the peaceful, respectful solution, because we understand how painful divorce can be.

Vote for me!

2011-03-22T12:16:00.000-07:00

I believe in Detroit, I always have. I like living here and I plan to stay. Now, I'd like a chance to share my enthusiasm with my fellow Detroiters. That's why I'm asking you to vote for me to be one of the presenters in the 2nd Ignite Detroit. Vote here

Valentine's Ball "Dancing with the Judges"

2011-03-22T07:35:00.000-07:00

I had such a fun time at this past Valentine's day event "Dancing with the Judges"! Here is a great article about the event, and a little blurb about how great I think Oakland County is: http://bit.ly/fbpQKM

House votes to change rules in child custody case

2011-03-21T08:12:00.000-07:00

In custody cases, some fathers feel that the Court is too quick to award sole custody to the mother. In my experience, the best custody is the most amount of custody for both parents (except in extreme situations).http://bit.ly/hSSzBB

Our primary focus is always the best interest of the children. If you or anyone you know is facing a custody case in Michigan, please contact our office today.

Divorce and special needs children

2011-03-18T08:37:00.000-07:00

Going through a divorce can be complicated enough with or without children. Having a child with special needs adds a different dimension and an extended level of understanding to the mix: http://huff.to/eqFjcU

EU to simplify international divorce rules

2011-03-16T10:52:00.000-07:00

http://on.ft.com/ezpvPB

Divorce can complicate Social Security Claims

2011-03-14T10:28:00.000-07:00

Very informative link on filing for Social Security Claims with a divorce http://bit.ly/dKmYxT

Take time to laugh, even during divorce

2011-03-02T08:59:00.000-08:00

Last night I performed at Go Comedy in Ferndale with my improv group.
It was so great to laugh and make others laugh too. The power of humor has a lot of beneficial qualities, emotionally and health wise. Take the time to find humor in every situation, even if it is a dark day. If we saw our lives as a Mel Brooks movie, we'd laugh ourselves out of our chairs! Divorce can seem like your life is over, but it's just starting a new chapter. I found this great list of the top 26 funniest break up and divorce movies for you at http://bit.ly/gBSW8N. Enjoy!

WedLock: Insurance for your marriage?

2011-02-28T08:09:00.000-08:00

Safeguard Guaranty Corporation (SGC) recently started selling what it is calling the world's first divorce insurance product -- WedLock. Of course there are pros and cons, but would you consider this? Do you think it would help or hurt a marriage? http://bit.ly/hWINJq

Father of slain Tampa teens files for divorce

2011-02-25T07:50:00.000-08:00

Even in a tragic and devastating situation such as this, Parker Schenecker acts empathetic and heroic by not making a huge legal battle. My heart and thoughts go out to this man and his family. http://bit.ly/icKtOx

Do you believe in the 'Oscar Curse'?

2011-02-23T07:58:00.000-08:00

A Canadian study finds that best actresses more likely to divorce. What do you think? Is that becoming a trend? http://bit.ly/fhNMws

Check out the rest of the L4J commercial shoot!

2011-02-21T07:59:00.001-08:00

Does this make me look fat?

Creative differences?

The set

Can Parents Prevent Their Children from Problems after Divorce?

2011-02-16T08:00:00.000-08:00

Of course they can! http://huff.to/gkTpK5

Cupid signed my divorce papers

2011-02-14T06:46:00.000-08:00

Valentine's day is quickly becoming a holiday that is highly associated with divorce. The reasons stem from those who lag on their New Years Resolutions, to unmet expectations of how the holiday should be celebrated (or worse, who the holiday was celebrated with!). Check out this article for more information. http://bit.ly/eyhRTu

Our office is always available for complementary consultations. Please call us for any questions you may have! (248)355-5688

Divorce and Children

2011-02-09T07:07:00.000-08:00

A lot of new clients ask me about how their divorce will affect their children. While each situation will have different results (depending on the relationship between the two parents, and their desire to gain resolution), I found that this article provides a lot of great insight in that situation. http://bit.ly/dUynnE

Collaborative Law

2011-02-07T12:51:00.000-08:00

It's definitely the way to go. It conserves cost, emotional distraught, and keeps the kids out of it. Contact our office for more information. http://huff.to/hP2eBC

How to prevent divorce from entering the conversation

2011-02-04T06:43:00.000-08:00

This is a great resource for married couples who want to be proactive and prevent divorce: http://huff.to/fOTaCz

Divorce education class for children

2011-02-03T08:09:00.001-08:00

Children of divorce (much like parents) are not fully educated on how to express their feelings and emotions in a healthy way. This class provides great benefit to all parties: http://bit.ly/eNegOQ

Tax Issues during Divorce

2011-01-21T06:43:00.000-08:00

A question I'm frequently asked from clients regards filing taxes during a divorce. This article offers some good insight. For further information, please contact our office. http://bit.ly/enTVx4

Michigan Law bans spouse e-mail surveillance

2011-01-19T06:49:00.000-08:00

When two people join a union of matrimony, many aspects of their lives are intertwined. Something as seemingly harmless as sharing a laptop can have it's repercussions: http://bit.ly/i0Mln2

2011-01-10T12:57:00.001-08:00

Looking for something to do this weekend? Stop by the Troy Michigan Woman's Spa and Wellness Expo! I will be speaking and have a booth available to answer all questions and concerns. Check out the website for other activities, hope to see you there!

2011-01-10T06:34:00.000-08:00

With the start of the new year, it is always important to think ahead and be proactive. Protect your loved ones and contact us today for a free review of your will. Offer extended to the first 50 people, due to high volume.

For more information, contact our office: www.lady4justice.com or (248)355-5688

Resource on why a will is important: http://bit.ly/eOnDHB

2011-01-07T08:52:00.001-08:00

Is Gay Divorce coming soon to New Mexico? http://huff.to/homDvg

2011-01-03T09:40:00.001-08:00

New Years Post Divorce Resolutions: http://huff.to/id5u3C

2011-01-03T07:00:00.001-08:00

Marriage on the decline in Middle America: http://bit.ly/f9QNeQ

2010-12-27T12:03:00.000-08:00

Starting this year fresh, by getting out of that toxic relationship: http://bit.ly/fyuIPZ

Are you ready for 2011?

2010-12-27T12:02:00.001-08:00

Divorce Counseling: New Year, New You http://bit.ly/h2WjuH

Are You Headed For a New Year Divorce?

2010-12-27T09:30:00.000-08:00

Ways to find out: http://bit.ly/fOYvL1

Contact our office today for any questions or concerns!

The Art of Uncoupling

2010-12-20T08:49:00.000-08:00

A sheaf of papers, signed by a judge, does not provide people with the closure they need to begin their new life... http://www.lady4justice.com/1-5-1-30_uncoupling.cfm

Facebook Fueling Divorce?

2010-12-17T08:39:00.000-08:00

Facebook is involved in every 5th divorce in the United States:

http://t.co/hjeQ39O

Funding High Asset Divorces

2010-12-06T14:39:00.000-08:00

The cost of litigating a high-asset divorce can be staggering. Women in such a divorce, who do not control the finances, are at a distinct disadvantage trying to keep up with a spouse determined to win by outspending them. Stacey Napp founded a company that can help, with the proceeds she won from her own divorce...

More on Why Detroit Rocks...The Story Never Ends

2010-11-07T18:11:00.000-08:00

Yes, that's right. We in the Detroit area are a winning combination of classy and funky, tough and tender, and funny (sometimes, even comical). We are much more, of course. Detroit's Nicole Rupersburg, 29, who relaunched herself as a culinary tour guide after being laid off, was quoted in Fortune magazine as saying "This city is a blank slate. It's not a world of wealth and prestige and structure. Detroit is what you make of it, and here you are what you make of yourself." Who could ask for more than that?

In an article entitled "If You Can Remake Yourself Here...You Can Do It Anywhere," Fortune details the careers of 5 different people in our area who have reinvented themselves in "the toughest place for second acts." See if you can recognize the cities they come from, and realize just how close they are to you:

Canton, MI: Daniel Gizaw, 53, was hired as an engineer at GM to invent their first electric car, the EV1, in the 1990's. From there he decided he could innovate more nimbly outside a giant company and recruited two colleagues to help him build Danotek, a company which is building super efficient wind turbines. With startup funding from sources like Detroit's Automation Alley, and a renewed emphasis on wind power world-wide, the company is enjoying a power surge of growth. Says Daniel: "Don't limit yourself to the sector you're in. Look into growing industries and ask, 'What can I offer?'"

Plymouth, MI: Gerry Cox, 47, was finance director of drug giant Pfizer's R & D unit in Ann Arbor, but lost his job due to a major downsizing. Rejecting an offer to continue with the company in New York City, he decided to pursue his dream of starting a new company. He and another former Pfizer scientist went through entrepreneurial "boot camp" at Ann Arbor SPARK's Business Accelerator, refining their plan to offer early-stage drug-testing services to medium-size drugmakers. Their firm, Velesco, hired other Pfizer laid-off scientists and got $800,000 in loans from a state development fund. Their timing was good, and profits are taking off. Cox says, "You have to be mentally strong and focus on the right business niche. If you spread yourself thin in this environment, you struggle."

Detroit, MI: Angela Davis, 38, put her dream of working in the medical profession on hold when she had her first son at age 21. Instead, she went to Chrysler and worked assembling engines. She kept her dream alive by taking classes to prepare for nursing school, so when Chrysler laid her off in 2007, she was ready to get back on course. In a two-year nursing program for displaced autoworkers, run by Detroit's Henry Ford Health System and Oakland University in Rochester, Angela completed her training and will be taking her certification exam in November. From there, she will pursue her master's degree and become a nurse practitioner.

Bloomfield Hills, MI: Sheila Ann Wright, 43, left her engineering job at Chrysler to stay home with her two young children. Just as the kids reached school age and she was ready to return to a job, Chrysler began cutting them. Luckily for her, however, her engineer's mind never took a day off. While caring for her children she came up with a tiny recording device she named the Talkatoo, that could capture her voice and be played back by a small child. When Amazon named the device as a "top holiday gift pick" for 2010, Wright produced an inventory of 15,000 units, at $16.99. Her advice to new inventors: Hang in there. "It's going to take twice as long and cost twice as much money as you think."

Detroit, MI: Allan Gilmour, 76, came out of retirement in 2002 to return as Ford Motor Company's vice chairman. His goal was simply to bring stability to a place wracked by financial turmoil. Eight years later, the board of Wayne State University, shaken by the sudden loss of its president, asked Gilmour to step in again to bring stability, this time as its interim president. Gilmour was not an academic; his life had been the auto industry. But he said "I am a believer that most people are less able to decide what they can do than outsiders are. So if the board thought I could do this, they were probably right." Ten years ago Gilmour was seen as a force for diversity, as one of the few openly gay top executives in America. Now, he's seen as a critical link between education and Michigan's economic future. He has no patience with whining, or complacency in the workforce. "There's a sense of 'Why do I have to adjust? This will come back; I'll be fine again.' But no, they won't be fine. They need to train-not for today's jobs but for tomorrow's."

What does all this prove to those naysayers of our fine state? That just because someone moved our cheese, doesn't mean we won't find it. Look out world! We are unstoppable, once we remember who we are.

Time to Remember Who We Are

2010-11-01T16:27:00.000-07:00

In the past few months, it has become more common to speak of the housing and financial crises in the past tense. Recently, the National Bureau of Economic Research announced the recession ended in June 2009. And while 2010 has hardly been a booming year, job losses have slowed and housing prices have begun to stabilize. No one's striking up the band, but we are slowly regaining our balance.

Or are we? In the past couple months, the banking industry has been sullied with stories of major flaws in the way it forecloses on homeowners who have stopped making their mortgage payments (a lot of people). With a new wave of foreclosures that may top 1 million homes, banks have hired tons of new people inexperienced in the industry to handle the avalanche of paperwork. The result? Foreclosures were being processed by "robo-signers," people who lacked knowledge or experience in the industry, signing as many as 10,000 foreclosure affidavits per month (about 500 a day). Anyone who's ever reviewed mortgage paperwork knows that it's impossible to read that much. Now, a new foreclosure scandal emerges. And Americans, facing yet another economic crisis, are reeling.

The fact is, the latest wave of foreclosures is just another effect of the housing bubble. And banks are doing what banks do; they earn money by taking in deposits and lending it out again at a higher rate. When faced with bad loans, they have to get them off the books to stay solvent. The days of easy credit are over, and many Americans are now angered with demands for what seems like onerous documentation. But "easy" credit got us all (banks and people) into this trouble, and sounder financial policies are needed. It's a hard fact we all must accept.

Yet even with the foreclosure crisis, almost 90% of people with mortgages remain current, and over one-third of all homes are owned outright. This should help put things in perspective.

Yes, the latest round of foreclosures is tough on many. But if we as a country keep focusing only on the empty part of the glass, we are not helping the people going through it. With a sluggish economy and a bleak constituency, a revival of rehiring or the return of anything but mediocre growth is impossible.

Can it be that the country always known as the "can do" nation is now saying "I can't"? For decades, we have been a beacon of hope for people from other countries who saw us as the land of opportunity. We still are. Yet so many of us are hurting that it almost seems as if we as a country have retreated to lick our wounds. I understand this, but we have no time for it. It is time to accept, then act. It's time to remember who we are.

There are those among us who are doing this. Like Andrew Mason, age 30, Founder and CEO of Groupon, a website that offers discounts on local goods and services if enough people sign up. Starting with an idea and a website in 2008, it has now amassed 18 million subscribers, and attracted $175 million in funding.

Or Kevin Plank, 38, Founder and CEO of Under Armour, whose sports apparel firm is on a roll. Up 60% this year with sales expected to hit $1 billion for the first time. But his focus is on his next conquest; sales of women's apparel (currently just 25% of sales). Says Kevin, "There is no time for 'loser talk' about the economy limiting growth. We have to go and grow!"

Well said. We have never been known as a nation of whiners, and now is no time to start. Yes, it's tough. Jobs have been lost that may not return, foreclosures are booming and in a divorce, it's the rare couple with any equity in their home. Clearly, someone's moved our cheese.

But let's remember what we do have. North America is the only part of the industrialized world that will be growing in people. It now has a higher birthrate than Mexico, for the first time in history. Those are promising numbers, yet even more than that, is our heart. Alcoa's German-born Klaus Kleinfeld, previously the head of Siemens, says: "I know the things that America has that are unique. The openness, the diversity, the dynamism--you don't have it anywhere else. If you keep all these things, build on them, I still believe in the American Dream."

So do I. How about you?

Can Man Improve on the Beauty of Nature?

2010-10-31T16:38:00.000-07:00

Usually, no. But every once in awhile an artist comes along and does something surprising. Please enjoy the following photos of watermelons and eggs enhanced with carving by hand or by laser. They're nothing short of amazing.

Pet Custody - An Ongoing Hot Topic

2010-10-27T17:49:00.000-07:00

With good reason, of course! What would we do without our beloved furry friends? Sadly, even they can become involved in a divorce. Jeanne Hannah, an esteemed colleague, wrote about this topic. You may find it interesting, I did. http://jeannehannah.typepad.com/.services/blog/6a00d8341c74da53ef00d83451d5d269e2/search?filter.q=fido

A Time For Planting

2010-10-16T11:56:00.001-07:00

(Fall Beauty, courtesy of Michigan)

"To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under Heaven," the Old Testament tells us. Seasons changes as they are right now; leaves turning yellow, red, and gold, then falling, only to be replaced with new in the Spring. People go through seasons, too.

Yet in our daily lives, we often expect ourselves to be the same, day in and day out. Zen Master Taisen Deshimaru says, "Some people treat their bodies like machines and try to keep them running indefinitely. Then they wear out and cannot find their balance, and then come sickness and death." We need to learn respect for our personal seasons.

Dr. Christianne Northrup, author of Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom, compares a woman's menstrual cycle to the natural seasons. There is a time of the month when a woman extends outward to those around her, expressing herself and giving to others. And then there is a time when she turns inward, doing inner work and cleansing. She may not feel like being social or constantly on the go. Pushing herself to do so does not promote good health.

Seasons and cycles are how Nature progresses, and we can see how well it works. We see it in the trees and flowers. Flowers start at buds, then burst into bloom and show off their glory. In time they begin to wilt, and then to die. It is necessary to remove the old, dead flowers to allow the plant to put her enegy into creating new blooms, which replace the old. Given the right temperature, light, and care, this cycle continues without end.

Clear we, as part of Life, go through the same process. Have you ever noticed that some times in your life are overcrowded with people and activities? Maybe you have children that keep you on the run. Maybe your work pace is frenetic. Then at some point, you notice that things slow down. Projects get completed, kids grow up, jobs change, a marriage ends.

Do you then feel that something is wrong because your life has slowed down? It isn't. It simply means you have completed one phase of life. That part of your life has come to fruition and been harvested. The next, seemingly dormant phase, is equally important. It is the time for planting new seeds.

This is a time for you to release old relationships that have become toxic. To let go of activities that are no longer fulfilling. It is not time to rush into busy-ness. It is a time for stillness and nurturing. Use it to digest what has happened. What has served you, and what hasn't.

I remember when my husband and I first broke up and I felt like I was in a cocoon, yet I couldn't seem to snap out of it. I spent a lot of time reading and meditating, caring for my plants and animals and spending time alone. And it was the only place I wanted to be.

Despite criticism from others, I gave myself permission to be there. When the time came to be active, I was able to step into it, fortified with the wisdom and maturity I had gained from my quiet times. Had I not taken that time for me, I couldn't have responded as creatively as I did.

There is a story told about the Chinese bamboo tree. Its seed lies buried for 5 years, seemingly without activity. During that time it must be watered and fed or it will die in the ground. But if properly cared for, the Chinese bamboo begins to grow. It will grow 90 feet tall in sixty days. The question is, did it grow 90 feet tall in 60 days, or did it take 5 years?

The answer is obvious. It took five years of feeding and nurturing to bring it to the level where it could achieve such miraculous growth. The growth is impressive. But that seemingly dormant period beforehand was absolutely vital. And do you not think that you are capable of even more than a simple plant?

In my law practice, there are times when there is so much to do there are just not enough hours in a day to get it all done. I may work late into the night, making sure everything is taken care of. And then the cases get completed, or something else shifts, and there is quiet time.

Having learned from my past experience, I now savor and utilize these times to their fullest, instead of obsessing about not being constantly busy. Can you imagine what it would be like if the phone NEVER stopped ringing? Of course we all love to welcome new business but it is just as important to welcome the spaces in between.

Slower times are a time for planting. In order to plant you must first prepare the soil, remove the old debris and make room. Whether you are considering a new career direction, or a new direction altogether, it is the same. Slow times are the perfect time to explore your creativity. I spend my slow times writing or updating my blog, something I love to do and rarely have time for anymore. I use them to explore new ideas I have wanted to try, or to visit places I've wanted to go.

There is an ebb and flow to Life and I am a part of it. So are you. We cannot expect the waves to constantly crest; they must first subside and return to the sea. Marianne Williamson says that we are like waves on the ocean, each of us thinking that we are different from other waves and not realizing we are all part of the same ocean.

I agree. And once we realize this truth, we need to accept and allow the nature of waves. Everyone does not "crest" at the same time. We need to honor our seasons and get in touch with the power of stillness in motion. That is when the universal rhythm is felt. That is when we discover who we truly are. You can no more force yourself than you can force a flower to bloom. So don't try. Realize that you are in the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing. And so it is.

The Hazards of Being Technologically Impaired

2010-09-07T18:49:00.000-07:00

Two days ago, I bought my first iPhone. Being slightly resistant to gadgets I don't know how to work, I didn't come by it voluntarily. No. I got it about two months after I left the charger for the old phone in Saugatuck, Michigan during a visit there. Since my "old" phone was so old they don't even make that charger anymore, I limped along using only the car charger until I finally decided enough was enough and bought the iPhone.

Getting it wasn't easy, either. First, I went to the AT & T store, who had none available. My son said to go to the source; the Apple store. There, after waiting in line for some time, I found out they also had none. Everyone who works there has a slight air of superiority, as if the rest of us just weren't quite up to speed on the latest technology (in my case, they're right). When I did speak to a salesperson, she told me about all the cool iPhone cases, crystal covers to protect the glass front and back, Mobile Me, etc. that one can get to make a cool phone even cooler. None of these items are available in the store, however. In fact, it seemed to me that very little was actually available in the store besides demo products. They just wanted the hoi polloi to know they existed.

Apple store employees also, apparently, have no idea when their products will be arriving. There's no day of the week when deliveries come; it's just something you have to call in the morning (early!) to find out. And if by fortunate chance a shipment has come in, you need to hightail it over there immediately to pick yours up. If instead you are sluggish like some of us, and wait until evening, the inventory has been depleted and you are relegated to calling the store the next day to see if another shipment has come in.

It looks like a great gig to me. They're mysterious, hard to get, and a treasure any fool would be lucky to get their hands on. So the buyers come flocking in, hoping for the chance to pay two hundred bucks for a cell phone. There doesn't seem to be any recession going on at the Apple store.

Nevertheless, after my second wasted trip, I decided just to go online and order it myself. (And by "I," I mean my son.) He ordered it, ported my existing number over, and lo and behold, 4 days later, my shiny new iPhone had arrived and was left sitting on my neighbor's porch. (They delivered it to the wrong address.) Still, it was a lot closer than I'd gotten for the last two weeks.

After all this excitement, it was time for my next big move: Figuring out how to turn it on, and use it. My son, in a hopeless attempt to get me to "figure things out for myself" told me to take it to the AT & T store after the phone had sat connected to my computer, allegedly transferring some application for two days. So off I went, and the accommodating staff quickly helped me complete the process of porting my number.

What a thrill! At last, now I can be checking my emails and furiously texting messages in court, as I have seen so many other lawyers do. As I walked out of the store, I decided to call my son just to let him know that I was all set, on my own. Then I noticed that all my "Contacts" were email addresses...no phone numbers. (That must have been the transfer that was taking place on my computer for those 2 days.)

Well, no matter. I'll just type the number in myself. I hit "Contacts," typed in Alex's name, and number. Then I sat in the parking lot, trying to figure out where the "Call" button was. Couldn't find it anywhere.

Being the highly educated professional that I am, I did what I always do when faced with such technological challenges. I got frustrated, and immediately blew my top at what kind of an idiotic device this (expletives deleted) iPhone was, anyway. After angry words and cursing didn't work, I resorted to using my old phone, which was sitting patiently in the car with about 30 seconds of power left. I called my son, asking him how in the heck I was supposed to use this stupid phone that had no call button. He patiently explained that I needed to press the line of text that listed his mobile phone number.

Oh.

Okay, so that went well. I called him back triumphantly...and found that he sounded like he was a million miles away, using a tin can. I turned the volume up to its highest level, told him to speak up; and still, nothing. Again, I was instantly frustrated and mad. By then I was back home, where I could prove to him that it wasn't me, it was this stupid, defective phone. He asked if I had asked them about it at the AT & T store. Of course not, I said. I left there the minute they got my phone working.

He couldn't figure it out, and I felt cheated, for having received such a faulty phone. Still, at his urging I went back to the store and told the clerk my problem. She said, "Take off the plastic." What?? No way could that fix this obvious defect. To humor her, I took it off. Much to my amazement, the volume was fine. After two days of waiting, I could now make a phone call!

To all you show-offs out there who are laughing at me for being in the Dark Ages of phones, I say just wait! Another month or so, and I'll have figured out how to use the calendar. (Okay, it's not quite that bad, but close.) And frankly, I haven't even tried to check my email.

I've heard it said that crossword puzzles, and trying new things, are great ways to keep your mind sharp. Well I don't like crossword puzzles, but it looks to me like I've got a year's worth of opportunities to try new things with my new iPhone alone. And luckily for me, I've got two smart kids for backup, that seem to know all about them.

Look Out, World. Michigan's Coming Back!!

2010-08-11T17:00:00.000-07:00

Dateline 4 August 2010: In a Yahoo! real estate article discussing which housing markets will be the strongest by 2014, Michigan came in third behind top-contender Washington State, and second-place Oregon. Okay, maybe it's not time to open the champagne yet, but according to the article, by the year 2014, housing prices are expected to jump 33.1% in the Detroit-Livonia-Dearborn area.

It's true that, since reaching a peak in 2006, housing prices have plummeted 60.5 percent, so we're really only regaining half of that former value. But who cares? If "no bad news" is the new "good news," then a 30% increase has got to be considered fantastic! All the more reason to revel in our beautiful state.

Remember to Chill

2010-06-26T07:46:00.000-07:00

OK, I will admit it if you will: I have forgotten the names of people while I was talking to them! I have lost my car keys, misplaced my glasses and forgotten why I walked into a room.

How about you? Does it seem like your memory is playing tricks on you as you age? Well, there are reasons for that and very few of these reasons are related to diseases such as dementia and Alzheimer’s.

As a straight-A student back in college, I would pore over my study notes until they were etched into my brain, just before a test. It was almost like cheating. I would study right up until a few hours before the exam, then go in and take the test. The notes were so clear in my head that I could literally go through the pages and find the correct answer. I took that ability for granted, until the end of last year.

In December 2009, I began noticing that I had trouble remembering things. This caused me some alarm, and I began a quest to improve my short term memory. Where else but Google, of course! I found nuritional supplements that allegedly increased oxygen to the brain; a major cause of memory loss, and also discovered a site which proclaimed it was a "Virtual Mental Gymnasium" - My Brain Trainer (http://www.mybraintrainer.com/).

Both were helpful, especially My Brain Trainer. The site offers free exercises that test your brain's age, among other things. I became a huge fan, and would start each day doing the "brain age" exercise until my brain tested at a mere 21 years old. I also took the nutritional supplements religiously.

Nevertheless, there were times when I played the Memory Game on My Brain Trainer and felt despair. The Memory Game has 3 different levels; beginner, intermediate, and advanced. The beginner level, for example, has 16 pictures of animals (8 matches), which it displays for a short period of time. The pictures then disappear, and the goal is to remember where the matches are. Time after time, I was frustrated at the number of tries it took me to get them all. As the pictures disappeared, so did my memory of where they were!

Then at the end of March, I went to visit my friends in Japan. Such wonderful friends they are! They had everything planned for me, and took care of all the arrangements. The only things on my "to do" list were showing up on time for a tour, or deciding where I wanted to shop that day.

But the best thing of all was how loving and accepting my friends were of me! Never mind that Americans are quite a different lot than Japanese, in so many ways. They loved being with me, and I loved being with them. Although in general I lead a very pleasant life, I can remember going to bed at night in Japan, and just feeling pure happiness.

One night in Hong Kong, I played the Memory Game on my laptop, just for the heck of it. To my astonishment, my memory had vastly improved! And that's when I learned the real cause of memory loss - stress.

Stress kills your memory. The stress system is designed to ensure survival. It helps us fight off an attacking dog or flee from a snarling bear. As important as that is, however, we humans do more each day than merely survive. Stress releases cortisol in the brain, and that can lead to a myriad of different problems for us. If we want to have a good, healthy memory, we need to do all we can to reduce the need for fight or flight stress responses.

Not easy in this modern world of increasing challenges, but essential. Interestingly, when I first returned from Japan my memory quiz scores had improved by 30%. But as time marched on and I got caught up in the ups and downs of Life, I saw my scores return to their former levels. I noticed that if I am in the middle of a quiz and hear a distracting noise, my scores drop even further.

We're all in this world together, so I imagine I am not alone in this problem. And unfortunately, we are not always surrounded by loving friends who appreciate us. Instead we often feel surrounded by nothing but problems.

But there are things we can do to chill out in the midst of the maelstrom. Taking a nap in the afternoon while listening to soft music, if you can do it, is a great way to shift gears and leave the tension behind. Watching a comedy is another. So is petting a dog or cat (unconditional love is good for the soul).

The most effective way of all, however, is to remember to stay present. To be in the moment, not regretting the past or worrying about the future, is the best way to eliminate stress. The next time you feel stressed, remember to ask yourself, "What is lacking in this moment?"

Usually, nothing. It's just that our minds have run away with us. Sometimes we are so caught up in our minds that we don't even realize where we are.

As one person, we can't change the world. But we can change the world within. And when we do, we can begin to remember what it feels like to be at peace. We can begin to remember.

Is Less Really More?

2010-06-02T04:58:00.000-07:00

" In 1845, Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862) quit work at his Dad's pencil factory in Concord, Massachusetts and moved to Walden Pond, where he remained for two and a half years, building a small cabin in deep woods and undertaking an experiment in solitary living..." Thoreau's cabin cost him under $30 to build, (today's cost: about $700)

In 1854, he published "Walden," a famous work, considered by some to be practical philosophy, a "how-to" for alternative living, an atheistical guide for the perplexed, or just natural history. Although virtually unnoticed for 60 years, it came in time to be judged the finest example of writing in America, not only at home, but in Europe where it is even more highly regarded.

To some of us, myself included, this seems like a quaint but unrealistic way to live. Yet, as more and more of us are living longer and longer, the trend is clearly toward simplicity. So what's wrong with living simply and not having to buy the latest bling?

Nothing, according to an article, "The Leap to Cheap," I just read in the July/August AARP (yes, that's right. AARP. They have a great magazine.) Written by self-proclaimed cheapskate, Jeff Yeager, the author rode his 30-year-old bicycle across the country to interview people who are living "alternative" lifestyles.

By "alternative," he means, making due with less, anti-consumerism types who wash their own dishes instead of using a dishwasher (to save water and energy), whose children delight in finding their prom dress for $12.50 at the thrift store, and who love to go out shopping...so they can laugh at the foolish things other people spend their money on. In short, people whom I spent most of my life thinking of as weird.

For example, I remember a friend of mine, who loved to go shopping at a place she called "Valu Valage" (i.e., value village). A former judge whose father was a doctor, it wasn't for lack of cash that she bought on the cheap. But I didn't understand that at the time. I went with her once, and cringed as she pored over pre-worn outfits, looking for her daughter's homecoming dress. I was so shocked I ended up giving her a gold-sequinned Oleg Casini dress I'd worn just once, for her daughter to have. Just so she wouldn't buy resale.

But that's the old way of thinking. Now, buying resale is where it's at. To me, such things reminded me of my lower-middle class upbringing, of poverty. Saving pennies, doing without and such, not me! Interestingly, though, when the 2008 stock market crash wreaked havoc on a stalled economy, many of us began to downsize and in the process re-discovered our lives. That is, our family and friends.

In the AARP article, the author interviewed a family of former high rollers, who now revel in the wealth of their family connections. The husband, formerly a high-level executive, quit his corporate job a decade ago and started a home inspection business with his wife. They typically earn $80,000 a year and a few years back moved from their 8,000 square foot house to a home one/third that size.

"Moving made us realize how much we owned that wasn't being used and wasn't necssary," says the wife. When they considered how much most of us Americans have compared to the rest of the world, they were embarassed.

After reading this article, I began to understand and appreciate the trend toward down-sizing and simplicity. It makes a lot of sense. We are all (hopefully!) living longer, healthier lives. If we are going to be around a long time, we need to start living smarter. I mean, simpler, and enjoy the dailly blessings we are surrounded with every day.

American Airlines - Customer Service At Its Worst

2010-05-14T09:12:00.000-07:00

5/4/2010: I’m sitting here on the bed at the Comfort Inn near the Dallas/Fort Worth airport. It’s an okay room, but the problem is that I am supposed to be in Michigan and instead I’m sitting here on the bed at the Comfort Inn in Dallas. No suitcase, no change of clothes, no vitamins, etc. The man at the desk was kind enough to give me contact lens solution and a toothbrush, because I didn’t even have that.

I’ll be getting up at 4 a.m., and riding back to the airport, hopefully to get a “stand by” ticket on the earliest AA flight out. According to American Airlines, I’m lucky I don’t have to pay for the ticket (although I do have to pay for the hotel). I’m here because of a mistake by their employee; however, they don’t care.

This is a pretty lousy ending to what was a very nice trip with friends to Miami. We rented a condo at the Fontainebleau, and had a great long weekend. I was supposed to fly home tonight, and get back to work in the morning. Unlike my trip here, first class and non-stop, this trip was economy, and two flights.

From Miami, I flew to Dallas/Fort Worth, where I was supposed to catch AA Flight 2500 at 7:45 p.m. to Detroit. I landed here at 7:00 p.m. (Florida and Michigan time). I thought that meant I’d be leaving 15 minutes after landing, which was perfect for me.

I went to the appointed gate; D28, and asked one of the two employees standing behind the desk if this was the right gate for the flight to Detroit. “Oh yes,” the man answered, “But you are not boarding in 15 minutes. It’s only 5 o’clock here; we’re on central time.” I said, “You mean I have over two hours to wait?” “Yes,” he said.

I was disappointed. I was wearing heels, carrying a heavy laptop bag, and I was ready to go home. He told me there was a lounge I could sit in upstairs and watch TV. So I did. I went up and sat in the comfortable chairs, watched TV, read my book, had a glass of wine, and then went down to the Pro Shop and got a shirt for a family member.

At 9:00 p.m. on my watch (which meant 7:00 p.m. in Dallas, according to the American Airlines employee), I went back to the gate and sat down. It was pretty quiet, and I wondered why there was no notice about the flight on the sign at the gate.

Finally, at 9:15 p.m. my time, I went to an American Airlines employee at D30 (since there was no one at D28). She said the flight had left an hour earlier, and since it was so late, I’d have to pay for another ticket! I told her I’d been informed by an American Airlines employee that there was a 2 hour time difference between here and Miami, and asked for a supervisor, thinking they would help me out.

The supervisor wasn’t much better. She asked me what the employee looked like, and when I described him, told me she didn’t have any employees like that. She said it was probably someone who came over to push someone in a wheel chair.

What??? I told her there was no one around to push; the gate area was empty. She said, “Yeah, but sometimes they hang around.” I told her he was behind the American Airlines desk at the very gate I was to leave from, and he confirmed that the Detroit flight was scheduled to leave from that gate. Moreover, there was a female employee standing right next to him when he told me that it was only 5 p.m. (when I thought it was 7 p.m.), and she had said nothing when he told me there was a 2 hour time difference from Miami.

“Maybe she wasn’t listening,” she said. “So,” I asked, “You are saying that because I believed an employee behind your desk who wrongly told me there was a 2 hour time difference, and although the woman employee right next to him did not correct him, and therefore I missed my flight, that I am stuck here with no flights out until the morning??”

Yup. That’s what she was telling me. In fact, at first, since my ticket was purchased with rewards points (apparently American Airlines also penalizes you for spending thousands of dollars and thereby earning enough points for a plane ticket), I couldn’t even get the earliest flight out. No, I was stuck there until about noon, thereby killing another day.

On top of that, I had to pay for the hotel room! But not to worry! I would get their “special rate.” (Not to mention that I hadn’t had any dinner, which they also were not going to cover.) I told her I needed to get back to work and asked about the 6 a.m. flight. “Well,” she said disinterestedly, “If you want to come early and try to fly stand-by I guess you can do it.” (Turns out there were 20 empty seats on that earlier flight. But far be it from American Airlines to be accommodating.)

So without my luggage, or any necessary toiletries, I took the shuttle to the Comfort Inn. There, I called American Airlines to see if maybe there was someone at the Airline who did give a care about their customers. Sadly, there wasn’t.

Instead I was transferred to another, equally accommodaating supervisor who told me I could send AA an email if I wanted to, or try to find someone to talk to at the airport in the morning. Thanks a lot.

The bottom line to this story is that I am stuck in Dallas in a hotel I don't want to be in, hoping to “squeeze in” stand-by on a flight with 20 empty seats in the morning. And what does American Airlines propose to do to compensate me for the inconvenience, the aggravation, the wasted time, and additional cost?

Absolutely nothing. They could care less if I ever get out of Dallas. Be forewarned if you ever make the mistake of flying American Airlines. If there are any glitches, whether yours or theirs, you are simply out of luck. They don’t care about you.

Usually I like to write about positive, upbeat things that happen in my life. There are other airlines I've flown who have been absolutely wonderful in their customer service.

For example, once on a United Airllines flight, we were grounded in Chicago for several hours due to high winds at our destination(clearly not their fault). Nevertheless, they gave us all a voucher to compensate us for the inconvenience. We didn’t even have to ask!

And I just returned from a wonderful trip to Japan on Delta, and to Hong Kong on ANA (Asian National Airways). I was served excellent meals, free wine, and was treated with the utmost courtesy in every way. Not to mention, the flights went smoothly and they offered a variety of free movies. This, although they had to communicate every message in at least three different languages! They were up to the challenge, and the airline employees’ communication skills at both airlines reflected excellent training in customer service.

In sharp contrast, American Airlines treated me shabbily, showed me no consideration despite the fact that it was due to the incompetence of their employees that I missed my flight. In fact, when I told the supervisor that I have a fairly popular legal website and I was going to warn the readers of my blog about the bad service I experienced at American, she responded, “You can go ahead and write on your blog if you like.” Nice.

But I’ve learned my lesson, and I hope my experience will save you the trouble of flying the unfriendly skies of American Airlines. At a time when most are still struggling to recover from the global recession, it seems that American Airlines is doing so well they don’t need my business, and therefore don’t have to treat me with courtesy or respect. They don't have to worry. They won't be getting any more business from me.

A Note of Thanks to Some Very Special People

2010-04-24T05:13:00.000-07:00

April 24th: I waited until I had finished all my travel posts to write this letter of thanks to my "host family" in Japan. I wanted to be sure I remembered every wonderful day, while it was still fresh in mind. Thank you letters always seem inadequate to express one's true feelings of appreciation, especially when there is so much for which to say "thank you." Nevertheless, I am going to try.

Mr. and Mrs. Chiba: (Yoshimasa-san and Fumi-san): Ten years ago when Kentaro returned home from staying with my family in the United States, you wrote and told me, "Just get your ticket to come over here and we will take care of the rest." Year after year at Christmas, Fumi-san would send me a beautiful card and gently remind me that you hoped to see me soon. Some years, I would write back and say, "Yes, I"ll be coming this year!" Then Life moved along, time passed, and I didn't come.

As you know, it wasn't until Kentaro wrote me this year and told me it had been ten years since his visit and "high time" I came to Japan, that I decided to just get my ticket and figure the rest out later. I certainly had no expectation that you would do anything, other than be glad to see me. You owed me nothing. Now that I've come, though, I am sorry I waited so long to reconnect with you and your wonderful family.

To my surprise and eternal gratitude, you planned my whole trip based upon your excellent recall of the things I loved about Japanese culture, and your guess of what I might like as a tourist. You made a special effort to get permission for me to see the incredible Imperial Villa at Katsura, and the Imperial Palace. You scheduled me for tours that gave me a good understanding of Japan's culture and history. And you chose a spectrum of hotels for me to stay at, that gave me a glimpse of the modern and ancient Japan. Yoshimasa-san, you even remembered that I was a Bruce Lee fan and suggested I visit Hong Kong while I was there. What a great idea that was.

Every place that you picked for me was perfect! From the Da-Ichi when I first arrived (I had so much fun pressing buttons to control everything in my room from the drapes to the alarm clock, once I figured out how to use them), to Hiiragiya Bekkan (where I awoke throughout the night to pinch myself and realize I was in such a gorgeous, authentic Japanese setting), to the Tokyo Bay Hotel Tokyu, where Kentaro and I watched the Disney fireworks from the Juan Sky Lounge on my last night in Japan, as well as every hotel in between. Perfect.

Had I been given the chance to choose anyone in the whole, wide world to be my hosts for my first visit to Japan, I could not have chosen better hosts, or friends, than you. It is easy to see why your children are such outstanding individuals. They get it from you.

Yoshimasa-san, thank you so much for your kindness and generosity. You have much depth within you, a true intellectual, expressed to me through your various acts of thoughtfulness and courtesy. Thank you for welcoming me with books on how to communicate in Japanese, in both Tokyo and Kyoto. (You knew I would need them!) Thank you for allowing me to share in your birthday celebration, and for accepting me, as a gregarious American who knew very little about Japanese culture, and probably made a million faux paux. Not to mention putting up with my loud yet enthusiastic singing during our family karaoke night, and even making a DVD of it for me! It was such a fun night, and one I will never forget.

As a special surprise the first night I came to the Chiba home for dinner, you showed me a DVD of Fumi-san demonstrating the tea ceremony at my house, ten years ago. Although you made me a copy of that DVD I am sad to say I have not been able to find it in my luggage. Nevertheless, I appreciate your making it for me. I keep hoping I will discover it tucked away in a side pocket.

Fumi-san, there is nobody in this whole world who could meet you and not love you. Your countless thoughtful acts (like that umbrella you gave me for Hong Kong, and making sure my slightest whim was satisfied for shopping, food, or activities) while I was with you, your patience, and obvious good humor created an atmosphere of happiness for all, wherever we went. You are so much fun! Thanks for your energy and your seemingly effortless ability to take in a situation and make sure things go smoothly for everyone. Thank you for caring for me when I felt under the weather, for putting up with my dumb jokes about bugs at the Imperial Palace (obviously I was delusional), and for trying to fill me in on some aspects of Japanese culture (like Geiko and Maiko) that I "might" not have known. Thanks for putting up with my incessant desire for cappuccino, and for allowing me to join your family in celebration of Yoshimasa-san's birthday. Thank you for the wonderful "Bon Voyage" lunch on the day I left, and for waiting to wave goodbye, after I finally got through the metal detector. Thank you for making me feel so loved and at home, halfway across the world from where I live.

I waited to unwrap the parting gifts you gave me until I got home. I love them! Thank you for the green tea (and the special green tea for the tea ceremony), the special wiping papers, the lovely Echizen Urushi box, and the delicate and beautiful chopsticks holder set. The Kyoyki company, who made the chopsticks holders, included a paper that said:

"Kiyomizuyaki is a traditional distinguished handicraft pottery of Japan. It is completely hand-done by the most outstanding artist who works extremely skillful and artistic. It shows their fertilized one thousand years of generation to generation-history and beauty of the dramatic four seasons of Japan. We hope you would love it as one of your treasures with special appreciation." I will love it as a special treasure, Fumi-san. Thank you.

Mari: If Jake Shimabukuro ever got to know you, I am afraid his fiance would be out of luck. He would definitely fall for you! Thanks so much for being there to welcome me the minute I set foot on Japanese soil, and for patiently try to explain your way through my ignorance of the Japanese language. Thanks for your beautiful smile, and bringing your "boyfriend" along, so that I got a chance to hear you play and sing with your sweet voice. I hope that one day I will come back to see you giving a performance. Thanks for laughing at my goofy jokes, and being so kind to me. You are lively and fun, like your Mom. Thanks for the saki (that I never got to try, thanks to the metal detectors), and for making my time in Japan so absolutely wonderful. Thank you for the beautiful scarf, that I wear almost every day. I love it!

(P.S. I looked up to see if it is appropriate to refer to you and Kentaro as "san," or not. It seems like it is okay, but if it is not please forgive me. I mean no offense, and I do have the highest respect for you both. I just think of you "Mari." Must be your Hawaiian roots, lol.)

Kentaro: It was a bright day when Christina Wardell called me up to tell me about my new exchange student (you!). I felt close to you when you were here, and when I saw you ten years later in Japan, it was like I'd just seen you yesterday. Although you said your English was not so good, you talk like a natural! You are a young man, and I know hanging around with your "host Mom" is probably not the coolest thing on your list of ways to have fun. But you made me feel like it was. Thank you for that.

Thank you for picking me up at the airport, where I suddenly realized I was in a country where I didn't know the language, and for taking care of everything. Thanks for taking me to see Dr. Emoto's office, and spending the cold day tramping through the rain and sleet with me. Thanks for showing me Uniqlo, and Evisu, and other cool places you knew I would like, once I opened my mind to them. Thanks for the jokes about the kcals. Thanks for remembering your brother and sis in America, and worrying that Alex would be concerned if I didn't call. Thanks for taking off work to spend time with me. Thank you for your thoughtful parting gifts; the CD's, the Hard Rock Tokyo shirt to add to my collection, the lovely scarf that you and Mari bought me. You know I love you like a son, Kentaro, and you are always welcome here. You are truly the best. Thanks for being so cool.

Tristan: Although we didn't get to spend a lot of time together, I really appreciated your thoughtfulness in worrying that I was sick and sending me medicine, and coming along on the last day to carry my huge suitcase in Kentaro's absence. Thanks for sharing some of your family's illustrious history with me, and your Uncle's book. You were Kentaro's best friend ten years ago and you still are today; it's easy to see why. Thanks for giving me the goodbye gifts, for me and my family, just as I was leaving to catch my plane. The kids really loved them! Alex wanted the sumo wrestler, and Alexis wanted both of the ninja guys (although she super liked the "black ninja"). You are smart and kind and I know you will go far in Life. Just don't go too far! I want to see you again. Peace.

I love you all, and I will never forget the incredible time I spent with you in Japan!

Back to Japan

2010-04-23T04:29:00.001-07:00

April 8th: At 4:30 a.m., I get up to ensure that everything is ready to go for the limousine bus coming at 6:30 a.m. to take me to the airport. I'm headed back to Japan on an ANA (Asian National Airways) flight, and then tomorrow, back home.

By now it seems that I have become one of those people who drone on endlessly about their trips. I don't care. First of all, I've only gotten 3 comments on my travel posts (i.e., every post for the month of April), and all of them came from Asian porn sites. So there's no one to be offended. Second of all, I'm really writing these posts as a record, for me, of the best trip I've ever taken. Also, there are some people I love in Japan who might be reading this, and I want them to know how I experienced the trip they so beautifully planned for me.

On the flight back, I again watch "It's Complicated." It's funny, it's in my age group, and I love Meryl Streep's character. Also, I want to check out the clothes she's wearing so that I can emulate some of the styles. (A bit more laid back than my own.)

When I get off the flight, I spend 45 minutes in the immigration line with my backpack suitcase which is filled to the brim with my clothes, souvenirs, and a "ton" of jade stuff. I'm guessing it weighed 50 pounds, and it was a long wait in line due to the number of people entering the country. This was my first, and last, experience with a backpack. I immediately gave it to my son, Alex, when I got home. My kids grew up with backpacks. They're used to it.

Once I finally emerge from customs and immigration, I survey the crowd, looking for Kentaro. Unfortunately, there is a misunderstanding on my part. I forgot that Kentaro gave me the information about my last hotel, and told me he had to work today and couldn't be at the airport. So I get a chance to discover just how challenging it is to navigate in Japan on my own, without my friends' thoughtful assistance. After repeated requests for help one of the ANA staff members comes and shows me how to use the pay phone (the instructions are all in Japanese, and I don't have the right coins), then lets me use the company phone to call Fumi-san and find out the name of my hotel: Tokyo Bay Hotel Tokyu.

When Kentaro and Mari picked me up on March 28th, he told me that he had booked my last hotel near the Narita Airport, and also that it was near Disney Tokyo. When I tried to find a cab or bus to get to the hotel, a man in a suit with a luggage carrier asked if I needed a cab. I said yes, and he told me the cost to my hotel would be US$170. It seemed a lot for a hotel close by, but by that time I was stressed out and tired from lugging the backpack, so I let him escort me to the ATM, where I took out 20,000 yen. He then took my luggage out to his van and gestured for me to step inside.

We drove for a long time, about an hour. I was just wondering if I'd made a mistake, hopping into an unmarked van with a stranger, when we pulled up to the Tokyo Bay Hotel Tokyu in the Chiba prefecture. Given the distance, I understood why the trip cost so much. Although there were plenty of hotels right next to the airport, Kentaro later told me he felt they weren't good enough, and he didn't want my last night to be in a bad hotel. How thoughtful is that?

The hotel he picked was indeed beautiful. Inside, it looked like a fairyland, with a large structure in the middle resembling a carousel and ponds with stepping stones and other magical edifices inside, all in the Disney theme. I didn't have a camera and have searched on Google unsuccessfully to find pictures of the massive lobby. All I could find is the picture above.

Kentaro soon called my room shortly after I arrived, apologized for the misunderstanding at the airport (which was all my fault), and asked if I felt like having any company tonight. He works in nearby Roppongi. Wikipedia says Roppongi is a district of Minato, Tokyo, famous as home to the rich Roopongi Hills area area and an active night club scene. I remember one of my tour guides mentioning that it costs one million yen per month to rent a home in Roppongi.

Anyway, I told Ken sure I would be happy to see him. He was going to stop in after work at about 7:30 -8:00 p.m. My plane had landed at 3 p.m., and I got to the hotel around 6. I was beat. I had a meal in one of the hotel restaurants, took a quick bath, and was about to grab a nap when I got another call. Ken was there. It's worth missing a nap to see Ken, so I quickly got dressed and met him at the door.

I really appreciated Kentaro coming to see me after working all day. Ken is a salaried employee, which means that he is paid as if working from 9 to 6, regardless of how long he works. If his boss gives him an assignment at 5:30, he works until it's finished, even if that is 9 p.m. There really seems to be an incredible work ethic in Japan.

Ken told me there was a sky lounge in the hotel, and I asked Ken if he wanted to go up there for some champagne. We did, and shared a few splits of Moet while enjoying the view of Disney Tokyo and watching the buses with mouse-shaped windows drive by. At one point, there was an incredible fireworks display, and we had a perfect seat, right by the window.

Although there was a large stage in the Juan sky lounge, the place was empty when we were there. Every picture I've found on Google only shows people on the stage and not, as I had hoped, the lounge itself. We share three splits in total, and then our server came and gave us two gold plastic balls with "Moet" on them. They opened to reveal a little charm that said "Moet" and hooked on your glass. Although, as Ken remarked, the "jewel" on the charm was the "same quality as you could get at Claire's," (the American discount jewelry place for teens), still it was a nice little souvenir of my last evening in Japan.

Kentaro had to work the next day, so I wouldn't get to see him. Before he left, he gave me many gifts from him, Mari, and Fumi-san. Some I opened while he was there, and one of them was a beautiful scarf that he and Mari bought for me. I love it, and have worn it almost every day since coming home.

April 9th: I have my last breakfast in Japan, reading The Japan Times. Soon, Fumi-san, Mari, and Kentaro's friend Tristan come to travel with me to the airport. Again, as is always the case when my friends are around, I cannot so much as pick up a tiny bag. They insist on doing it for me (once the porter has released them to us). It's interesting that, at the Tokyo Bay Hotel Tokyu the porters are all girls, and small ones at that. I can tell you, the young lady who came to retrieve my luggage from the room and take it to the transport bus had her hands full, trying to get that massive blue suitcase on cart! After that, Tristan was the lucky one who got to carry it.

At the airport, we check in and get rid of the heaviest bag. The backpack was tucked safely inside it, awaiting its new owner. Fumi-san, clearly an expert at arranging enjoyable gatherings, surveys the restaurant options and explains the descriptions to me. There are pictures, but all the words are Japanese. We select a beautiful restaurant in the traditional Japanese style (yes! even at the airport), and enjoy a glass of tea while we await our food. As it happens, Fumi-san selected a fresh vegetables salad and delicious sesame soup. After trying it, I add a bowl of soup to my own meal.

Kentaro was texting Mari to ask what we were talking about, etc. Mari gave me two "juice boxes" of a brand of saki she said was very good, and Tristan gave me 3 keychains for myself and my kids. (Which they loved!)

We were all laughing and having a great time at lunch. Suddenly, we looked up and it was time to go! Kentaro called Mari and she put me on the phone just as I was gathering my things up. As soon as I heard Kentaro's voice, it dawned on me that I was leaving these wonderful people and I got choked up with emotion and started crying!

Then, I had to go as the boarding was very soon. Tristan, whose family lives in the Phillipines and calls Narita Airport his "second home," advised me that my gate was very near the metal detectors I was passing through. So I shouldn't have any trouble getting there in time.

At the metal detectors, my two juice boxes of saki and a tube of self-tanning lotion was disallowed, and so I had to leave them behind. This took awhile, to get everything else crammed in my bag, and now time was really running out. Finally, I was released and began hurrying down the hallway, looking for my gate.

I heard a lot of knocking on the glass wall above me, and finally looked up to see Fumi-san, Mari, and Tristan furiously waving at me. I furiously waved back, tried to tell Mari they'd taken my saki, then blew them a kiss and ran to my gate, just in time.

Then I found my aisle seat on the plane and made myself comfortable for the smooth and uneventful 13 hour flight home.

Hong Kong's Jade Market and the Bruce Lee Statue

2010-04-22T05:32:00.000-07:00

April 7th: I began my Google search for the Bruce Lee statue in Hong Kong while eating breakfast. It took about 5 seconds to find out everything I needed. On Wikipedia, I read "Hong Kong gave honour to "Chinese film's brightest star of the century", when it unveiled a statue of the martial artist Bruce Lee."

"The Hong Kong memorial was made possible by fans of the actor, who died on July 20, 1973 at the age of 32. The Hong Kong-based Bruce Lee Club raised the $US100,000 for the statue after pleas to the government to honor the icon failed to produce anything. The 8-foot-2-inch (2.5 metre) bronze statue was erected, along the Avenue of Stars attraction near the waterfront at Tsim Sha Tsui. It shows a classic Lee poise, ready to strike, as in the 1972 hit movie Fist of Fury. "We want people to know about the legend of Bruce Lee." said Hew Kuan-yau, a member of the Bruce Lee club committee. The statue was unveiled by Bruce Lee's brother Robert on November 27, 2005 the 65th anniversary of Lee's birth."

I looked at the shot of that statue, towering over the waterfront on the Avenue of Stars, and determined I would find it before my short Hong Kong visit ended. However, I had some requests for jade from people back home, so I did a search for "cheapest place to buy jade in Hong Kong." Thus I found the famous Jade Market. (Gosh, I love Google. What did we do pre-Google? Suffer, I guess.) The description, by the Hong Kong Tourism Board, read:

"A visit to the Jade Market in Yau Ma Tei will provide an insight into something very important to Chinese people - Jade. The written character for jade means a combination of beauty and purity. The stone, in all its many hues and colours, is associated with long life and good health. It is smooth and cooling to the touch. Many people wear a jade bracelet to ward off all sorts of health hazards. Grandmothers routinely buy a piece of jade for newborns.

Located on Kansu and Battery streets, the Jade Market is a collection of around 400 stalls selling a wide range of jade pendants, rings, bracelets, carvings and ornaments. Open from 10am to 5pm, the market is also the main gathering place for buyers of this fine stone who today still communicate with secret hand signals when making a purchase.Nearby is Jade Street, located on Canton Road between Kansu Street and Jordan Road, where shops operate from every Monday to Saturday from 10am to 4pm. A giant jade stone weighing three tons has been placed at the junction of Canton Road and Jordan Road as a landmark. "

I also read up on what jade was the very best (I saw none of it at the jade market), and decided to go there first, so that I could have the rest of the afternoon to enjoy the grandeur of the Bruce Lee statue. I rode the elevator down to the lobby and asked the desk clerk for another little instruction card to hand the cab driver. I saw that I needn't have worried about finding the best place for jade. It was one of the check boxes on the card.

It was cloudy, windy, and raining as I left the hotel, so I brought the umbrella that Fumi-san had thoughtfully loaned me. I looked out the taxi window at the imposing tree-filled mountains, ringed with heavy clouds, and wondered if it was ever sunny in Hong Kong. Apparently it was, sometimes, since it was sunny in one of the photos of the Bruce Lee statue. But the weather I saw was more like that in Picture 1, above. What happened to the 75 degree temperatures predicted for my stay?

The cab driver dropped me off at the jade market, and I walked in. Except for the items sold, it looked a lot like a flea market I had visited in Florida, U.S. The Jade Market consists of row after row of tiny stalls, manned by the owner of the items offered. I went up to the first stall and began looking at the bracelets, statues, and necklaces he had for sale, to see if they fit the bill. He immediately started packing up everything I showed an interest in or had even picked up to examine. I told him no; I wanted to look at all the stalls before I bought.

He grabbed his calculator and showed me the price. When I said "No, I want to look around," he marked it down. I wondered why he was so intent on getting me to buy from him at that moment, but I soon found out that every one of the over 400 stalls had pretty much the same things for sale. He knew if he didn't grab me the first time, the odds of me making it back to his stall through all the other equally aggressive sellers, was pretty slim.

Nevertheless, I moved on without a purchase, resolved to look at everything before I bought. That lasted four stalls. Each and every seller practically assaults you if they either catch your eye or, god forbid, you show an interest in any item they have for sale. By stall number four I had figured out the way of the Jade Market, and the seller (who was slightly less aggressive than the rest) had some pretty lilac-colored bracelets for sale which she claimed was purple jade. Who knows? Anyway, I got what I think was a good deal on 12 bracelets.

After walking down all the aisles in the market, I noticed there were more across the street. It seems I had gone into the smaller section of the market; across the street there was much, much more. I checked some of them out, even bartered with a few of the dealers. For example, one woman tried to sell me a bracelet, showing me "HK$350" (Hong Kong dollars) on her calculator (about $45 US). I said no, walking away, and she lowered it to HK$260, then HK$100 (or $13 US). So I either did an extraordinary job of negotiating, or everything there is vastly overpriced from the start. I don't know. Anyway, the prices were a lot better than I saw in jewelry or mall souvenir stores, so I was happy.

When I returned home, I wished I had bought more from the Jade Market, as everybody would like a jade bracelet, it seems. However, the aggressive style of the sellers repelled me. I would have bought a lot more if I'd been able to examine the items without the fear that my slightest interest would result in the item being bagged up for sale and a calculator shoved in my face. I do understand that most of the sellers did not speak English, and let's face it: With over 400 stalls, competition is fierce, and price is the only difference. That style just doesn't happen to work for me.

By the time I left I was "jaded out," so I hailed a cab and pointed to the instructions the desk clerk had written down for the Bruce Lee statue. (Can't believe it wasn't a check box on the card.) Turns out the statue, on the Avenue of Stars, was within walking distance of the Hong Kong Cultural Centre which I'd visited the day before.

The driver let me out a ways from the statue, indicating by gestures that from here, I'd have to walk as it was not accessible by car. I headed out on foot in the rain, walking in the direction he'd pointed me, looking out across the water and straining my eyes to see the statue. Surely I should be able to see it from here? But no.

I arrived at the promenade along the beach (aka Avenue of Stars), and saw a familiar sight; Starbucks. Naturally, I stopped for a cappuccino, and asked them for directions. They told me I was about two minutes away. As I enjoyed my drink, and the warmth, I kept looking across the horizon. I imagined the statue of someone so important would be very large. You know, something like the Statue of Liberty. Why couldn't I see it?? I just didn't get it.

The rain and wind continued, blowing my umbrella inside out a number of times. It didn't help that I had packed only clothes for warm weather and was now freezing. Nevertheless, I was reportedly within minutes of seeing the statue built in honor of my hero, and I was not going to stop no matter how physically uncomfortable I was.

The wind whipped across my face and I was concerned that my umbrella was going to poke me in the eyes the next time it flipped inside out. But there is no stopping a true devotee. At last, I saw it. Sure enough, it was a very life-like image. It was also close to life-size. (As I re-read this post, however, I see that selective perception was at work. The description of the statue I found on Google clearly says "8-foot 2-inch." Such mundane details completely escaped me as I read, it seems, and all I saw was the picture of the statue and how tiny the people in it looked by comparison. Plus my own bias that the statue of such a great man would be huge.)

Wake up, Hong Kong! Why wouldn't you spend a million dollars building a staute to commemorate this favorite son who, 40 years after his death, is still viewed on YouTube millions of times? I happen to know there are people willing to travel to Hong Kong for the sole purpose of being close to the home of Bruce Lee.

Bruce Lee was a giant in many ways. Physically, however, he was only 5'7," one of the reasons he became my hero as I struggled with doubts about my own physical capabilities in karate class, fighting men twice my size. Seeing the statue, although a very good likeness, I was disappointed that it wasn't larger. And, not having a camera with me, I couldn't ask a passerby to take a picture of me next to it. Nor was I inclined to, as the inclement weather worsened and the rain began beating down in earnest.

Nevertheless, I'd completed my pilgrimage. I ran to the nearby mall I'd visited yesterday, to see if there was anything else I wanted to get for my daughter or myself at Uniqlo, then hopped in a cab and rode back to the hotel. After my workout, I consoled myself with another hour of reading Bruce Lee Lives! and watching my new DVD on Jeet Kune Do (featuring Bruce with one of his students), then packed to get ready for my departure at 6:30 a.m. the next day.

the 34th International Hong Kong Film Festival

2010-04-19T04:05:00.000-07:00

April 6th: I sleep in a bit, which these days means getting up around 8 a.m. Then I order breakfast in my room (I usually don't, as I think it's overpriced. But the buffet here, from what I can see, is no comparison to the buffet in Japan, so now I'm a snob.) The room service breakfast is perfect, though. A pot of green tea, fresh fruit, apricot yogurt, carrot juice, a basket of 4 different sweet rolls, and a side order of cappuccino, with Splenda. Who could ask for more? (They do include a piece of Brie cheese, and some cold cuts which are pork. I don't eat the meat.)

Side note: In Japan, I couldn't find Splenda to save my life. Most places have either regular sugar or corn syrup. The Japan Starbucks has something called "Sugar Next," which is a very prmitive form of artificial sugar. With fake sugar almost non-existent and everyone using regular sugar, why is almost everyone in Japan slim?

I take my time getting dressed, and my watch is still on Japanese time, so when I think it's 9, it's really 8. That "gives" me an extra hour. I check at the front desk about the location of the Hong Kong Cultural Centre, where the 34th International Hong Kong Film Festival is being held. For tourists like me who don't speak Cantonese, they give you a card that basically says "Driver, please take me to..."and check the appropriate box. Then they escort you to a taxi, hand the driver the card, and you hop in the back, like an obedient child, and ride silently to your destination. Which is just fine with me.

The Hong Kong Cultural Centre is at 10 Salisbury Road, Kowloon, Hong Kong, right on the water. Started in 1984 and completed in 1989, it was founded by the former Urban Council and, after 2000, is administered by the Leisure and Cultural Services Department of Hong Kong Government. It is a place for a wide variety of cultural performances. It also has a very cool, raised platform right on the pier, which affords you a fantastic view of the harbor and the buildings on the other side.

The Concert Hall, with 2,019 seats, is an oval two-tiered auditorium finished with high quality oak, and includes an adjustable acoustic canopy and curtains. It is the home of the Hong Kong Philharmonic Orchestra and houses an 8,000-pipe pipe organ, the largest in Asia. The Grand Theatre, with 1,734 seats in three tiers, was designed for large scale opera, ballet, and musicals. The Hong Kong Film Award presentation ceremony also takes place in there. The Studio Theatre, with 300 to 496 seats depending upon the set-up, can accommodate smaller-scale theatre and performance works. Then, of course, there's the Exhibition Gallery: 4 foyer exhibition areas, 11 rehearsal and practice rooms.

It short, it's very large. I can't figure out which part features the Film Festival, so I ask someone standing in front of the building. Something I've noticed about native speakers, answering questions asked by tourists who don't speak the language. You get an answer, but since they don't really understand you any better than you understand the language, it's rarely an accurate one. (Like when I was at Itoya paper store in the Ginza District in Japan. I was sent to every floor in the nine story building, until I finally happened to find what I was looking for, in the basement.)

It's the same here. The person I asked sent me in the wrong direction, but some fellow tourists who I believe were Australian came over and steered me right. This being the last day, I don't want to miss a minute! My hope is that I will get to watch single every one of the 4 and 1/2 movies that Bruce Lee made. (The last that came out, Game of Death, was finished by a double. To me, except for the scenes where Bruce Lee fights Kareem Abdul Jabbar, Dan Inosanto and others in the Tower of Death, that doesn't count as a Bruce Lee movie. They made his character into someone I am sure Bruce Lee would not have played. But, I digress.)

My hopes were quickly dashed when I found the exhibit, however, as they were no longer showing his movies at the Festival. I had no interest in seeing any other movies, so I spent a couple of wonderful hours looking at the exhibits in minute detail. There was a pair of sunglasses that he wore, the famous yellow suit from Game of Death (copied for Uma Thurman in "Kill Bill"), pictures of Bruce with his wife and children, movie posters (I happen to have two collector's item movie posters from two of my favorite movies of his), clothes he wore, etc.

For me, it was an emotional experience to view even this relatively small collection of Bruce Lee memorabilia generously provided by his family. When I finally finished my scrutiny of every poster, artifact, and writing, I went to do what I love best; buy something to commemorate the event. I saw only one small table where they were selling anything that looked like a souvenir. It turned out to be the book, Bruce Lee Lives! released by his wife and daughter in honor of what would have been his 70th birthday. It's a wonderful book. But I can tell you, whoever planned this exhibition was clearly not an American.

Otherwise, they would have had a plethora of items for sentimental visiters to purchase. One thing we Americans know how to do is sell every item under the sun that is even remotely related to the subject of interest. Like T-shirts, keychains, every one of his training books, DVD's, and so forth. Geez, what a marketing opportunity lost! Everyone who was at the exhibition was having their picture taken in front of the exhibit (except me, of course, since I gave Kentaro back his camera). They were standing in front of the exhibits for long periods of time, just like me, scrutinizing every picture, every word. One would think that the promoters would understand just how intensely devoted Bruce Lee's fans really are. Huge opportunity, missed!! But, so it is.

Well, reading the book at the nearby Starbucks only whetted my appetite for more Bruce Lee stuff. Besides, here I was in Hong Kong, the only place the Hong Kong Legends version of his movies was supposed to be available. So, where was it??

I went back to the exhibition and the very nice young lady at the small table who was selling the Bruce Lee books. I asked her, where can I get Bruce Lee movies? She was kind enough to write out the address, phone number, and a little map of Hong Kong Records at nearby Harbor City Shopping Mall. Luckily, it was close enough to walk and so I did, following her little map and asking instructions along the way at various stores.

I went past Chanel, Hermes, even Coach, as I persisted on my search. I was accosted by Indian tailors who insisted I must need clothes made. But I resisted them all and continued on my mission, finally finding the record store, seemingly dead center of this one of many shopping malls crowded together in the area.

I was pointed in the right direction for Bruce Lee movies (luckily, Bruce Lee is a universal term that doesn't require fluency in Cantonese). I quickly bought the four available DVDs, which were documentaries or home footage of Bruce demonstrating his art of Jeet Kune Do. I even found the Hong Kong Legends version, containing all 5 movies plus extra footage for HK$390 ($50 U.S.).

Before coming to the Orient I had done a little research on Bruce Lee movies. I found out there was a Hong Kong Legends version of all the movies that not only contained additional footage, but also had Bruce Lee speaking instead of the lame British/American voice they have in all my copies of his movies. I know the script well enough that I could handle watching it in Cantonese, and I wanted to hear his voice instead of the substitute. But it said the DVDs required a special type of DVD player not available in the U.S. So I asked the clerk about it, he checked the back, and said yes, it was incompatible with U.S. DVD players. I tried to found out where I could get the appropriate DVD player but the language barrier proved too much.

By then, I'd spent over an hour and a half just finding the DVD's, and I was wondering if I could fit a DVD player in my overstuffed suitcase, even if I did manage to find the store. Then, I thought about the difference in the type of power source (i.e., the outlets needed) in each country, breathed a sigh of disappointment and decided to pass on the Hong Kong Legends package.

As I wound my way out of the mall (which was connected to another mall, and another in a seemingly endless maze), I happened upon Uniqlo, a store Kentaro introduced me to in Japan. A kind of Forever 21 or Wet Seal, it offers stylish clothes for low prices. Since I left my coat in my large suitcase, back in Japan, it was a bit cold walking around Hong Kong without one. It was supposed to be in the high 70's during my visit, but every day was dawning cold, cloudy, and rainy. So I picked up couple of light sweaters with an Oriental flair, then found my way out onto the street, grabbed a cab and headed back to the hotel (using my handy instruction card from the hotel clerk).

I'm always a bit slow to catch on to trends (for example, I didn't become a Bruce Lee fan until the late '90's, long after his death), and when Kentaro repeatedly mentioned Uniqlo to me, I was only mildly interested. There are no logos on the clothes (a must for chic in America!), and there was so much to see there I was overwhelmed. Now that I'm back home, I'm wishing I'd bought more, and there is currently only one Uniqlo in America: In Soho, New York.

Anyway, back at the hotel I went and worked out for an hour prior to poring over my new Bruce Lee book. After all, I am a disciplined individual and a grown-up, right? The minute I finished, however, I went back to the room, changed, and went two floors down to the Tin Tin Lounge for a glass of champagne and a chance to savor my treasure.

As it turned out, it was 2 for 1 time at the Tin Tin, so one glass of champagne developed into two glasses. I was already moist eyed, reading over essays about the man I admire so much. The champagne only enhanced my sentimentality, I am sure. But for me, it was a magic couple of hours I spent there before dinner. Lost in my own little world of Bruce Lee, reading different essays about him (half the book is English, the other I believe is Cantonese, but I'm not sure). In Hong Kong, however, Bruce Lee is one of the most universally admired men in the world. So everyone there understood my devotion, and in fact turned up the light over my little table in the dimly lit room, making sure I wouldn't miss an exciting word.

To many (me included), going to a bar or lounge and having a drink is something done with friends and usually means lots of talking, laughing, and dancing. But my memory of that late afternoon on 6 April 2010 at the Tin Tin Lounge in Hong Kong, doing nothing but silently reading a book, is an exquisite one that I will always treasure. Simple things really are the best.

Hong Kong Adventure

2010-04-17T08:04:00.000-07:00

April 5th: I'm on the ANA (Asian National Airways) plane to Hong Kong, a 4 hour flight. Unable to sleep, I take advantage of the extensive movie selection and watch "It's Complicated," a great 50-something movie starring Meryl Streep, Alec Baldwin, and Steve Martin. Upon landing, I stop at the Hyatt Regency help desk at the airport and am taken to the taxi stand. They tell the driver where to take me; the Hyatt Regency Sha Tin Hotel in the New Territories, and off I go.

Upon checking in, I can see that I've picked a great spot. This is the sole hotel I've arranged for on my own (the rest having been completely taken care of by Kentaro and his wonderful family), and I must say I've made a great choice. My room 526, happens to be on the same floor as the Melo Spa. So on the spur of the moment I stop in the spa and schedule a 1 1/2 hour facial, and a 1 hour foot massage.

Then I head for the fitness center, since I haven't done any weight training for a whole week. Kentaro offered to let me take their camera with me, but I declined. Wish I hadn't! The fitness center itself is pretty typical, though large and well-equipped. It's the view I wish I had a shot of. The long glass outer wall gives you a breathtaking view of a large mountain with a waterfall flowing from its side in one spot. Below this, you can see the gorgeous deep blue of the Hyatt pool, the sea-green contrast of a large round fish pond next to it, and off to the back, steam from the bubbling hot tub. After a one hour workout, I go back to the room and clean up, then take the elevator down to the dinner buffet and a glass of Vueve.

I don't know if this is a trend I've missed in the U.S., but the modern hotels in Asia all seem to require that you put your key card up to a reader to use the elevator. Probably a safety feature. Anyway, it can get a bit cumbersome, as you need to pull the key out and press it against the reader any time you want to go up or down. Otherwise, you're going nowhere!

Feeling totally relaxed after my workout and dinner, I go back up to the fifth floor for my appointments at the Melo Spa. It's pretty neat. You get your own private spa room for your treatment, complete with hot tub and a terrace to go out and enjoy the great view (the same one you get to see in the fitness center). After this, a blissful fatigue sets in and I return to my room for a rest.

As you can see from the pictures (1 above, and left), I have a beautiful room. It overlooks Victoria Harbour and, due to the glass wall between the bathing and sleeping area, looks very large, spacious, and modern. In Asia the custom is to first take a shower, then soak luxuriously in a large, deep tub. Usually the two are separate, as in my room. I've booked three nights here, to return to Japan on the 8th at about 6 a.m. So I really don't have much time in Hong Kong. But that is okay. I only came here for one reason. Bruce Lee.

Yes, that's right. Bruce Lee. The man who has been my hero since my karate days back in the late '90's. I discovered him as I tried to come to grips with my feelings about having to fight every person in the club (including burly high school football players and other men). Bruised and fearful, I needed a hero who could convince me that small did not mean a lack of power. And, in Bruce Lee, I found him! 5'7" and only 135 pounds, he was the most perfect physical specimen I ever saw, with the fastest reflexes and incredible ("real world") power. Not to mention being extraordinarily good-looking.

I remember when I still used to practice criminal law, I would go down to Recorder's Court in Detroit and pull out Bruce Lee's book, The Tao of Jeet Kune Do. I'd sit and read it in the courtroom while waiting for my case to be called. From this book I discovered that there was much more to Bruce Lee than a "merely" being the best martial artist who ever lived. He was also a deep and intelligent zen philosopher.

In fact, I credit Lee with being the catalyst for the start of my own spiritual journey. I remember feeling an inexplicable thrill of inner comprehension the first time I read his words, such as "Wisdom does not consist of trying to wrest the good from the evil, but rather in learning to "ride" them, as a cork adapts itself to the crests and troughs of the waves." Or, "The perfect way is only difficult for those who pick and choose. Do not like, do not dislike. All will then be clear."

Wow. For someone who came from a Christian background, such words were completely beyond my ken. Since my early Bruce Lee days, when I sat in my gazebo, reading his training books and practicing finger jabs on paper targets, or punching a small ball on a string to train my response reflexes, I have been unabashedly a devoted fan. My former husband used to say, "You're in love with Bruce Lee." He was right. And I still am.

Kentaro's Father remembered this from their trip to America ten years ago. (When I first met Kentaro, I had hoped he could tell me more about the way of Zen. However, he was more interested in Western ways during his time in the U.S., and said he didn't know much about Zen.) But his Father did, and sent me books about it. And when I planned my trip to Japan this spring, Yoshimasa-san remembered, and suggested I include a trip to Hong Kong, since I was in the neighborhood.

Now I was here. And with only two full days in Hong Kong to see what I could see about Bruce Lee, there was no time to loose. Thank God for Google! You can become an expert about an area very quickly. For example, I learned that Bruce Lee's former home in Hong Kong was now an "hourly love motel." (Decided not to go there.)

And, I learned that the first Bruce Lee Exhibition had just been unveiled on 21 March 2010 by his wife, Linda, and daughter, Shannon Lee, at the 34th Hong Kong International Film Festival (see picture above). As luck would have it, the very last day for that event was April 6th, my first full day in Hong Kong. I decided that would be my first destination in the morning. And before I left, I would make sure to see the famous Bruce Lee statue overlooking the harbor.

Nara: The Greatest Buddha, Sacred Deer, a Shinto Shrine then on to Osaka!

2010-04-15T01:48:00.000-07:00

April 4th: The Chiba family wanted me to have a taste, not only of the different hotels in Japan, but something of the history as well. Thus they planned, not only the tour of the Imperial Villa at Katsura (which I did know something about), but also tours of past and present capitals, famous landmarks and ceremonies of Japan (of which I knew nothing).

On Sunday morning, we took our time checking out of our hotel (with me buying yet more souvenirs in the hotel gift shop and taking time to enjoy the hotel's delicious cappuccino, while I gazed at its exuberant waterfall). I met up with the rest of the group right at checkout time, whereupon our bags were loaded into a limousine bus destined for another hotel, the drop-off point for our next and final tour - of Nara (Japan's first permanent capital, established in the year 710 at Heijo, the city now known as Nara).

In Nara, we were to visit the Todaiji Temple, home of the world's largest Buddha statue, located in Nara Park, where approximately 1200 deer wander around getting fed by tourists, and the Shinto shrine. Also, there are pagodas.

Kofukuji Temple in Nara: In the Nara period, the pagoda was the most important structure in the Kofukuji temple complex, as it held the relics (such as a bone or tooth) of the Buddha. There are two pagodas in the Kofukuji complex. They are located on either side of the site of the Great Southern Gate; the Three Storied Pagoda to the west and the Five Storied Pagoda to the east. Our tour did not stop here, but saw it as we drove past on our way to the Todaiji Temple, Nara Park, and the Kasuga Taisha (Shinto) shrine.

Todaiji Temple: Todaiji (Great Eastern Temple) is one of Japan's most famous temples and a landmark of Nara. Located in Nara Park, in central Nara, Todaiji was constructed in 752 as the head temple of all provincial Buddhist temples of Japan. Todaiji derives its name from its location east of Nara, which was the capital of Japan when it was built. Today, the temple serves as the Japanese headquarters of the Kegon school of Buddhism.

The monastery-temple Todaiji was founded by Emperor Shomu (r.724-749) when Nara was the capital of Japan. It was the head temple of the network of provincial monasteries throughout Japan. Immense in scale (significantly larger than the temple that stands today), Todaiji represented the culmination of imperial Buddhist architecture. Todaiji is a temple of the Kegon sect of Buddhism, which reveres the Buddha Vairocana (Birushana in Japanese) as the cosmic, central Buddha. The principal image of the temple is a bronze statue of Vairocana, colossal in scale.

According to legend, nearly 2,600,000 people helped construct the Buddha — but as that would amount to nearly the half of the people in Japan at the time, the figure is probably exaggerated. Nevertheless, by the time the Buddha was completed in 751, it had consumed most of Japan's bronze production for several years and left the country almost bankrupt. The Great Buddha was finally dedicated in 752 with great pomp and ceremony. The emperor and his family were present for the occasion, as were hundreds of local monks and ambassadors from China, India and more distant places.

The statue was dedicated by "opening his eyes" — an Indian priest stood on a specially built platform and painted in the eyes using a gigantic brush. The guests brought a dazzling assortment of gifts, many of which have been preserved in the Shoso-in treasury, along with the original paintbrush. The Great Buddha statue has been damaged, especially due to earthquakes, and recast several times. The current statue dates from 1692.

Pictures: (1) Pindola statue at Todaiji (legend has it that if you pray and touch the body part on the statue that hurts on your own body, then touch your own hurting body part, it will heal); (2-4) Cherry blossoms at Todaiji Temple (notice the classic white cherry blossoms and the pinker, "weeping" cherry blossoms); (5) Lighting incense in front of the temple.

Also of interest in the Daibutsuden (Great Buddha Hall) are the rear support pillars, which have holes through the bottom. Popular belief has it that if one is successful in squeezing through one of these "healing pillars," he or she is guaranteed a place in Heaven. If true, that means there are only skinny people in Heaven!

Nara Park: For a city park, Nara Koen (Park) is enormous. The park covers 525 hectares (1297 acres) of woodland and is the largest municipal park in Japan. It became a park in 1888 after 2 years of work, until that time the area had deteriorated until it was little more than a wasteland. Today the park is designated as one of Japan's top scenic spots.

Located just east of Nara's modern commercial center, the park also includes the grounds of not only the Todaiji Temple, but also the Kasuga Taisha (Shinto) Shrine. Large numbers of "semi-wild" deer roam the parklands. These are not tame deer, but they are fed so often by so many tourists that wild isn't an appropriate description. The deer are usually associated with a sacred white deer - one of the legends of the Kasuga Taisha Shrine. They are of course protected animals. The park has wonderful flora including sakura (cherry blossoms), andromeda, and many other flowers. Spring is one of the best times to visit as the park is at its most colorful, however it is crowded! Birdwatching is also popular here.

Kasuga Taisha: Kasuga Taisha is Nara's most celebrated shrine. It was established at the same time as the capital and is dedicated to the deity responsible for the protection of the city. Kasuga Taisha was also the tutelary shrine of the Fujiwara, Japan's most powerful family clan during most of the Nara and Heian Periods.

Kasuga Taisha is famous for its lanterns, which have been donated by worshipers. Hundreds of bronze lanterns can be found hanging from the buildings, while as many stone lanterns line the approaches to the shrine. The lanterns are lit twice a year on the occasion of the Lantern Festivals in early February and mid August.

The shrine grounds also contain a Treasure House near the main complex which displays the shrine's relics. These include two sets of large ornate drums. Additionally, the Kasuga Primeval Forest, a sacred old-growth forest belonging to the shrine, covers the mountain behind Kasuga, however, it is closed to the public.

More Pictures from Nara Park and the Kasua Taisha Shrine:

Pictures: A strange-looking symbol of Nara Park (nice horns); Nara Park's "sacred" deer, and what I believe is a lot of barrels of saki at the Shrine (I may be wrong about this, though).

April 4th - Osaka: After the tour was done, we grabbed our luggage (which had been stored at the train station) and took the train to Osaka, which was Fumi-san's birthplace. She still had relatives there, and Mari hoped to be able to play her guitar for her uncle during our short stay.

Mari suggested that, for dinner, I might like to try a rotating sushi restaurant. That is, the restaurant doesn't rotate, but the sushi does! On some kind of conveyor belt, the plates parade in front of you so that you can check out which delicacies you would like to try. The food is placed on various size and color plates, based upon the price. When you are done eating, the clerk comes around with a scanner of some kind, and totals up the damage.

Sounds great, in theory. But here is where my "yankee" roots steered me wrong! I was thinking, "Sushi = California rolls, cucumber rolls, etc." In short, all the Americanized versions of sushi that I've come to know and love. Not so when you are getting the "real deal." Instead, the choice was, octopus, squid innards, and some other unmentionables that for me didn't look appetizing at all! That is why, despite the fact that the entire Chiba family is slim and I am known to have a healthy appetite, there is so few plates in front of me as opposed to everyone else.

After dinner, Kentaro suggested I get a new, smaller suitcase to take to Hong Kong (where I was headed in the morning), instead of lugging my huge blue suitcase around. (It had fallen to him to do the lugging while I was in Japan, and he wasn't going to be there in Hong Kong.) We picked out a cool Samsonite backpack style, the first I've ever carried, for my adventures in the morning. Then we said good night.

April 5th: Early the next morning, we loaded our bags in a limousine bus headed for the airport. Mari was going to take the train back home (she didn't get to play for her uncle in the very short time we were in Osaka, unfortunately), and she stood outside the bus and waved to us until it drove away. Kentaro and his parents accompanied me to the airport, and helped me figure things out so the check-in went smoothly. Then they bid me good-bye until Thursday, April 8th.

Personality of Kyoto, and Karaoke

2010-04-14T23:39:00.000-07:00

(Yoshimasa-san, Mari, and me, at the French restaurant where Fumi-san had planned his surprise birthday celebration.)

April 3rd: Ever since my trip to Itoya in the Ginza district of Tokyo, I've been hankering to visit some Japanese stationery shops to purchase the beautiful stationery that I know can be found in Japan. (I'm a bit of a fanatic about beautiful stationery.) Since I feel so much better when I awaken today than I did the night before, I convince Kentaro that I don't need to go to a clinic. Instead, I could be spending my time more wisely, getting to know Kyoto and buying souvenirs!

So after breakfast, we leave our second traditional hotel and drop our bags at our next hotel, a modern beauty with a joyful waterfall inside. Kentaro remarks, "My Dad picked this one out. When he does, it always turns out this way." (Great taste!) Then we all set out; Fumi-san, Mari, Kentaro, and I, to visit the delightful little stores that I love. Fumi-san as always knows exactly where to go, and soon we find ourselves in a charming little area where beautiful stationery abounds.

In addition, I realize that this is my chance to get rice paper to repair some of the shoji screens and lamps that were injured by some of the cats who have lived with me through the years (back when they were kittens). I had called the store where I bought the shojis, and was told all I could do was put clear nail polish over it and hope for the best. Not good enough for me! Now is my chance to get the real thing!

(Little did I know, until later, that this hotel itself had a large gift shop containing almost every single thing I went out looking for. But, the walking was great.)

We stop in store after store, and in each I find some stationery slightly different than the last. Also, the rice paper. Soon my bag is full. As we walk along we find a cappuccino shop, so we stop for the Italian coffee and a Japanese pastry (they are the best! So light and tasty, not heavy and dripping with grease as pastries in America often are. Although I do not ask what the "kcals" are on these delicacies, I assume by their taste that it's within my acceptable range.)

We also walk down a street where, according to Fumi-san, there is the school where young girls begin training to be Geisha. At this stage, the girls are called "Maiko" which literally translated means "dancing child" (mai = dance, ko = child). I believe the age at which they start is about 12, and thereafter train in the arts of geisha for 5 years. It is very strict and intensive, and many girls do not stick it out. Those that do, go on to learn to be Geisha (or "Geiko" as they are known in Kyoto). I am by no means an expert on this, and in fact Mari had to correct me that Geisha are not courtesans or "high class" prostitutes, as I mistakenly believed. For more on Geiko and Maiko, this site, http://www.immortalgeisha.com/faq_geisha.php#faq05, has much information.

Whereas Geiko wears a wig and shoes that are much lower to the ground, Maiko must wear their high, elaborate hairstyle for a week at a time. I know from my own experience how uncomfortable trying to preserve a hairstyle can make one's sleeping, so I can only imagine what Maiko must go through. Also, Maiko wears a very high version of the traditional shoes. These are a couple of the differences (we learned these fascinating facts from the guide for our tour of Nara, an earlier capital of Japan, on April 4th).

Back to Kyoto. After a fun-filled (for me, anyway) day of souvenir hunting, which included a shop selling equisite pieces made from bamboo, I decide I want to get my hair done. Having voiced this wish earlier, Kentaro had scoped out a place, so we walk back. He and Mari find out the cost for what I want, then leave me at the salon. My stylist does an incredible job of washing my hair (I know that may sound funny, but anyone who gets their hair styled at a salon understands that there is a big difference in stylists' approach to the hair washing portion of the service. He has strong hands, and when he is done I know my hair has never been cleaner.

Then, although I said no haircut, he cut my bangs and styled my hair in the way that is popular in Japan: bangs across the forehead, and hair straight and flat around the head, curving slightly at the bottom. I protest that I want more "poofiness," so he takes out hot rollers, which really is not an improvement on his original idea. I should have left well enough alone! Oh well, at least I know my hair is clean.

Kentaro showed me a shop called "Evisu" from which, he says, Beyonce once bought jeans and wore on a Destiny's Child album cover. We go in to check it out, and I end up buying my son a very expensive T-shirt with 7 Japanese gods on it (not sure from what religion, but it's a cool shirt), and myself, a scarf.

I love the style of dress in Japan! There are so many beautiful girls and they have the coolest style: lycra style leggings, very short skirts, and heels. They all seem to have gorgeous black hair arranged generally in the style described above (or if longer, like Mari they twist it and pin it up in back so that it flops around), and scarves. The scarves may have been due to the cold weather, but it was a cool look, nonetheless.

I also got some crazy socks from a place called "Tutuanna" including some with pom-poms, and one with toes (like foot gloves). This isn't so crazy in Japan, where socks are worn with sandals.

We get back to the hotel just in time to welcome Yoshimasa-san, who has just arrived to join the festivities. Fumi-san explained that it was his birthday the day before, and she has made a reservation at a beautiful French restaurant (Fumi-san knows the places that serve the most exquisite food, how? I do not know). The first thing I said when I saw Yoshimasa-san was "Happy birthday!" then realized I might have blown the surprise. Graciously, Fumi-san said no, I did not.

It's very close to the hotel, so we all walk over there and enjoy a sumptuous meal. At the end, they bring out a special desert for Yoshimasa-san, and he seems to enjoy it very much.

It's Saturday night, and unbelievably Kentaro announces that he is going to visit his friend in Kyoto. I'm astonished that a young man in his twenties would rather hang out with his buddies than the fam, but I understand. The rest of us decide to try some karaoke. I love singing, not because I have any talent but just because I love to sing. Mari, who brought her guitar along on the trip, used to play drums in a band and sing, and she is a real "pro" at the music scene. She knows just where to go.

I've done karaoke before, in a bar and on board a cruise ship. But I've never done it this way, where you rent a private room and look at a TV screen, which displays the words to your selected tune while you sing along (2 microphones are included). Kentaro is the most fluent in English in his family, and I know only about 5 phrases in Japanese. So one might think that the language barrier would be a problem. Not with this group! In fact, we started out renting one hour and expanded it to 2, such fun we were having. At one point, Mari sang a beautiful Japanese (or Korean?) folk song, playing guitar and singing a sweet soprano.

Like most, there are so many songs in this karaoke book that it's a bit overwhelming. But just as I was floundering for what to sing next, Yoshimasa-san came up with an international favorite: The Carpenters! Luckily, we all knew them and sang our hearts out with song after song made famous by Karen. Finally, the fun-filled night had to end and once again Yoshimasa-san came up with a winner: We Are The World by Michael Jackson. I will always remember the wonderful time we had that night at karaoke. I returned to my hotel room with my heart full of happiness and joy.

Of course, much as I loved the music, what really made it so special was my hosts. If I could have picked anyone in all Japan to show me around, I could not have picked anyone more gracious, generous, and perfect than Kentaro and his family. I have never felt so welcomed and catered to in all my life. I hope they have even the smallest idea of how much their hospitality meant to me.

Pictures: (1) Restaurant menu; (2) Fumi-san at the table (3 and 4) Vegetable appetizer (5) Soup (6 and 7) Meat entrees (8, 9, 10, 11) Desert! (12) Us, standing outside the restaurant.

More on Tokyo and secrets of Japan

2010-04-12T19:40:00.000-07:00

Pictures: (1-3) Sign at the second traditional hotel where we stayed; (4-6) View from/in the room; (7,8) The Japanese "Denny's"; (9,10) Saturday morning wake-up; (11) Our hosts bid us good-bye.

April 2nd (cont.): Before leaving to visit the Imperial Villa at Katsura on April 2nd, Fumi-san, Mari (who joined us that morning), Kentaro, and I had our bags dropped off at the second traditional hotel in Kyoto we would be spending the night at, that evening. The hotel's business card was all in Japanese, so I don't know the name. But the trademark for the hotel was an ancient Japanese lady's mask, pictured on their card. Mari patiently tried to explain the history of it to me, but I didn't get it, so I scanned a copy of their business card and posted it, the second image above.

Like our last hotel, this one also had the sliding shoji screens, traditional robe, and a futon to sleep on at night. However, instead of a scenic zen garden outside our window there was a river, along which people walked their dogs or jogged, on a narrow strip between the river itself and a tiny canal that ran alongside it. Later that evening, after the day's activities, Mari took her guitar (which she laughingly called her "boyfriend" as she lugged it around on her back all day) and gave a little concert for passers-by. Mari is a musician with a beautiful voice, and I am sorry to say that I conked out before she went to sing. So sadly, I missed it.

Anyway, after dropping our things off at the unnamed hotel, we went to see the Imperial Palace. Here, the tour was completely in Japanese and there was no handy translator box for foreigners like me, so my research was confined to reading the brochure.

I learned that Kyoto was the capital of Japan for over 1,000 years, having been moved from Nara in 784. The Imperial Palace served as a political and cultural center, and from the outside (we weren't allowed to traipse through the inside), it was very beautiful, indeed. Although a bit more ostentatious than Katsura and certainly larger, it contained similar strolling gardens which were spectacular. I don't believe anyone can top the Japanese for knowing how to create the perfect garden scene.

Here's the odd thing: (quoting the brochure) "The Imperial Palace, called the dairi, was situated in a fixed place...which was rebuilt every time it was destroyed by fire. While the Imperial Palace was being rebuilt, it was customary for the Emperor to move temporarily to the residences of members of the aristocracy." This happened so often, it seems, that the temporary residences came to be known as the de facto Imperial Palace, or satodairi. According to the brochure, the dairi was destroyed time after time by fire. It eventually fell into ruin, never to be rebuilt again.

In fact, the showy buildings that we saw were actually the homes of the aristocrats where the Emperor lived while the original Palace was being rebuilt, tme and again. What in the world, I wondered aloud, could have caused so many fires in the original Palace?? My guess was that outside enemies attacked it as Japan's center of power. Kentaro thought it was warring factions within Japan itself. However, it turns out we were both wrong. We were thinking too big. Kentaro asked the guide what was the cause of these many fires, and do you know what it turned out to be?

Bugs.

Yes, that's right. Apparently, the groundskeepers were trying to kill the pesky varmints, and kept burning the place down. For some reason (I was a bit under the weather at this point and may have been delirious), I found this hilarious. Talk about using a cannon to kill a fly! One would think that, whatever the bug problem was, it couldn't have warranted burning down these massively expensive edifices. Or, that they would have figured out after the first few disasters that maybe they should try another way. But, there you are. Human blunder flying in the face of art. Luckily, my hosts have a sense of humor, and joined in my merriment, although probably they were just laughing because I was chortling uncontrollably and it was contagious. Still, it does make one wonder about the competence of those groundskeepers.

Anyway, I managed to keep my mirth mostly under control after that, as I went on a quest to find a trash can to throw out my kleenex. And while visiting the Palace souvenir shop in my search, I did find a very cute kitty cat charm for my daughter, which was modeled after the symbol for Princess Aiko, the granddaughter of the current Emperor.

A sad note about trash cans in Japan: At first, when I noticed that there was not a trash can to be found anywhere (even in the lobbies of large hotels), I concluded that the Japanese must just be extremely neat. To be sure, it's rare to see any litter on the streets or anywhere else in Japan. At least not that I saw. But since I had a bit of a cold, I was always looking for a place to throw out my kleenex, unsuccessfully. So I asked what the deal was with no trash cans, and Kentaro told me that about 10 years ago, there was a disaster in a train station where someone put poison gas in a trash can, killing 3000 people. As a result, no trash cans. Anywhere. Sad to think that such a heinous act still affects innocent people after all that time.

And strange to think that in America, land of the ubiquitous trash can, there is so much litter everywhere.

But, I digress. We finished our visit to the Imperial Palace, and I was feeling worse and worse. The weather was cold, intermittently cloudy mixed with rain. To be considerate to my cappuccino addiction my hosts took me to a local Starbucks, then we ate in a restaurant that Ken said was "like a Denny's"; except that you checked your shoes at the door, wore slippers, and were each served on charming trays full of tiny portions of different foods (mostly vegetables and low calorie), along with a pot of tea. (See picture 7 above.) And of course, the wonderful modern Japanese toilets.

After that, we returned to our hotel, where I passed out on a futon after reassuring my hosts that I was "fine." I slept several few hours and was awakened by their return. They had brought me some wonderful fresh strawberries and edamame (aka baby soybeans still in the pod). It was the perfect meal for my challenged system, and I ate it with pleasure.

Kentaro also gave me two cups of dry soup (add water). As I always do, I checked for the "cals" (calories) on the package, and saw "170 kcals."

I'd seen the "kcals" notation on packages before on my trip, since I obsessively check the caloric content of every packaged food item I buy. I just assumed it was a different way of saying the same thing we say in America for calories.

So I asked Ken, what's up with the kcals? What does that mean? Is it the same as "calories"? Ken (who is slim as a reed and I am sure never thinks about calories), studied the package, and said, "Well, K stands for 1000. So maybe it means one thousand." This was too much for my weakened system to ignore (apparently being sick lowers my threshold for humor) and I started laughing uproariously, saying "Do you mean this tiny cup of soup is 170,000 calories??? That would mean I'd be fat as a house if I ate it! In fact, you're the only one who could handle that kind of overload!"

From there I collapsed into hysterical laughter, which Kentaro and the fam joined in. After all, laughter is the best medicine isn't it, no matter what the source? I think so. Kentaro wanted me to go to the clinic in the morning, but after the simple yet perfect repast (I passed on the soup), a good night's sleep, and the apparently enormous healing qualities of a good guffaw, I awoke the next morning feeling much better. (See the last two pictures, above.) And for the next week I would crack myself up, whenever I thought of that soup. (Okay, I still do.)

I've included some pictures below of the Imperial Palace, or at least of the back-up Imperial Palace. And please, no laughing. Bugs are a serious matter.

Pictures: A sampling of the Imperial Palace. Shots 2 and 3 depict two of three waiting rooms, where visiting dignitaries were escorted while waiting to see the Emperor. Which room they were sent to depended upon their importance. I think the White Tiger room was for the most important. Note also the beautiful cherry blossom tree in full bloom, picture 4.

The Imperial Villa at Katsura

2010-04-12T04:21:00.000-07:00

April 2nd: We awakened to our beautiful quarters, and enjoyed the breakfasts pictured two posts back. In Japan, the custom is to shower first, and then soak in the tub, for relaxation only. At Hiiragiya Bekkan, this was taken to an even more luxurious level. Once entering the bath area and taking the traditional shower, I saw that the tub was a deep, stone hot tub, bubbling away for my sole pleasure.

This was a big day for me. The Chibas had obtained permission from the Imperial Household Agency to visit the Imperial Villa at Katsura, the place I studied with such rapt attention almost thirty years ago, in college. Built by Kobori Enshu in 1620, it is still universally acknowledged as one of the most architecturally perfect sites in existence, almost 400 years later. On a much smaller scale, my love for the beauty of this place has been reflected in my choice of furnishings for own my home throughout the years. My love for this type of setting has only continued to grow.

It was a chilly day when we arrived, and as we walked up the graveled driveway, a groundskeeper swept the leaves out of the gravel with a broom. This is the level of meticulous care given to every aspect of this phenomenal place. The tour was in Japanese, but I was able to wear a small audio box with an earphone which translated the essentials for me into English. Luckily, I had reviewed my book on Katsura before coming and was familiar with the history.

Many pictures are offered online of the indescribable vision that is Katsura, and most are far better than the ones I took. Therefore I will only offer a few here, and hope that you will become interested enough to check it out more on your own. (P.S. By "a few," I mean a lot! I tried, but just keep finding pictures I want to share of this beautiful place.)

There is nothing that was overlooked at Katsura. Every stone, every tree, every pebble, every bush, not to mention the layout and design of the dwellings, was placed with intention and care. Open air tea pavillions are strategically placed in areas designed to provide the participants with breathtaking views of the gardens. At one point on the site, where one could have surveyed the entire garden from that spot, a pine tree was planted to prevent it, so the visitors would be compelled to stroll the grounds and individually enjoy each aspect of the superbly planted grounds. Stone lanterns are placed at certain points along the edge of the pond to allow nighttime boaters (back in "the day") to see their way back.

Katsura was everything I thought it would be, and more. Due to concern for the age of the buildings, made entirely of natural materials, we were not allow to enter them. But we did get to sit in some of the outdoor pavillions, and walk the garden way that Japanese royalty walked, so many years ago.

Cherry blossoms at midnight in the Buddhist Temple

2010-04-11T18:13:00.000-07:00

Nighttime in Kyoto: After we checked into Hiiragiya Bekkan on April 1st, Fumi-san took Kentaro and I via cab to the local Buddhist temple. Fumi-san has a very lovable, outgoing personality. She just naturally brings out the best in everyone. Because of this, every single cab driver we had in Kyoto became a tour guide for us. Fumi-san would strike up a conversation and they would be inspired to show us all of the best spots to see in town as they chatted away.

One cab driver dropped us off us near the local Buddhist temple. From there, we walked up the long, narrow hill to view the incredible grounds, covered with cherry blossom trees in full bloom, and highlighted by spectacular lighting. This is "good drama" at its finest. That is what all of the pictures above show, albeit imperfectly.

In one part of the temple, there was a fountain with water which was said to bring you long life and good health. There were two metals cups there on long wands, used to dip into the water and drink. Kentaro and I tried it, but Fumi-san was not so sure about the water's cleanliness, flowing out in the open as it was.

On a completely different topic, another wonderful thing about Japan, which I cannot believe I've failed to mention until now, is that there is no tipping. Can you believe it? People actually do a good job for reasons other than a tip at the end of their service, and in fact it is insulting to leave a tip. This means saving probably a hundred dollars a week, not tipping cab drivers, food servers, bellhops, porters, room service, and the like. Beyond the savings, however, it's nice to know that there is a higher ideal of service that motivates people here. Although usually a generous tipper, I sometimes feel that the whole "tip" mentality creates a sense of entitlement which determines whether or not people are going to give you what should be the customary service, based upon your giving them that extra payment.

I really got to like this no-tipping custom, and decided to carry it on in Hong Kong. Unfortunately, in Hong Kong they very much do believe in tipping, and it was difficult to ignore the fact (especially if I planned to return to the same restaurant!) But it was nice while it lasted.

Anyway, I hope that you enjoy these pics. Some are not so clear, but the dreamy look of the cherry blossoms against the temple lighting is too impressive not to share. Thanks to Kentaro, I arrived in Japan at exactly the right time, during the ten days when the cherry blossoms are in bloom. The landscape, as a result, was breathtaking. In the third from last photo, you can just make out the full moon in between the trees.

More...on Hiiragiya Bekkan? Yes!

2010-04-11T05:02:00.000-07:00

I've already raved over the Hiiragiya Bekkan enough, so all I will do here is include the pics that Kentaro and Fumi-san took at this hotel from another place and time. Oh, one thing: the last two pictures are of a traditional Japanese breakfast, and a "traditional" American breakfast (plus nato beans, which I developed a liking for while in Tokyo).

Hiiragiya Bekkan

2010-04-11T04:05:00.001-07:00

Pictures: 1-6: Hallways in my room. 7-15: Detail of the main chamber. (Note: picture 14 shows the make-up area) 16-22: Some pictures of my garden.

April 1, continued: Now my story moves into slow mo. (For any readers who already feel I've been moving in slow mo, too bad. Some of these blog posts...just for me.) Kentaro, Fumi-san, and I have just arrived in Kyoto and landed at the most beautiful hotel I've ever seen; the Hiiragiya Bekkan.

I was so enthralled that I left a few lights on when I slept, and woke up off and on, all night long just to exclaim "This is really my room!" I felt like Japanese royalty. We even had our own caretaker (I hesitate to call her a "maid," as she wore a kimono and was far more versed in the art of service than a simple maid).

Within my little apartment, there was a hallway, outside of which was a breathtaking garden. The hallway was L-shaped, with a small sitting area on one side, as well as a sink and at the end, the toilet area with the traditional toilet slippers. Only the toilet in this setting was modern, with the heated seat and many buttons I have grown to love.

In the main chamber, covered in tatami mats (which have the most wonderful smell), there was a low table with a cushion and one wooden arm rest. There was an area of beauty, containing a flower arrangement and a scroll, which used to be traditional in Japanese households but due to space considerations, no longer is. I forget the name of this area, but perhaps my friends will email me and help me out with that.

Everything such as closet and bedding area was hidden behind ornate doors decorated with beautiful, hand-carved wood (or maybe God did the carving, it's hard to say). And everywhere, shoji screens created the air of traditional Japanese serenity. These were the kinds of screens I wanted for my home office. They slid back and forth to create, or not, walls. Given the constraints of American homes, however, I had to settle for a stationary six-panel shoji screen.

The garden was meticulously arranged for beauty, complete with stepping stones, ancient lanterns, and carved frogs and turtles to complement the exquisite landscaping. I believe the pictures will really tell the story better than I.

With this post I am including pictures of my rooms. I notice that "somebody" went a little crazy with the picture-taking here. I was going to add some pics my friends had taken, but given that the ones I've already uploaded are printing in a vertical, single-file fashion, I will add the others in my next post along with Fumi-san's pictures of our lovely, nine-course meal. She is far better equipped to talk about the food, and hopefully one day she will. I was content merely to eat, and enjoy. Nevertheless, the presentation was beautiful, so I think you will enjoy seeing it.

On the road again...to Kyoto

2010-04-11T02:41:00.000-07:00

Riding the bullet train to Kyoto with Kentaro and Fumi-san

April 1: I check out of my room and sit in the lobby to wait for Kentaro and his Mom. I've been listening to the audio version of The Power of Now nonstop since I got here, and I motionlessly practice being in my body while I wait. I am sure that the entire staff is impressed with my zen-ness. Probably, however, they just think I am a bit weird. Nevertheless, I enjoyed it.

The plan is for Kentaro, Fumi-san, and I to hop on the train to Kyoto and stay in a traditional Japanese hotel tonight. Tomorrow, sister Mari will join us, and on April 3rd Yoshimasa-san will complete the group. This leg of the journey turns out to be the very best part of the most wonderful trip of my life. Saying this, I am sure you can imagine it means lots of photos and you would be absolutely right!

For one thing, our main purpose in going to Kyoto was to visit the Imperial Villa at Katsura. Kentaro's family remembered that in my college days I had studied, and loved, this architectural wonder deemed by experts the world over to be the most architecturally perfect dwelling ever created. I shared this when they visited my home ten years ago, and explained how my choice of furniture reflected my taste for the beautiful style of Katsura. Remembering this, ten years later, the Chiba family applied to the government lottery for permission to visit Katsura...and obtained it!

When I told them I was finally going to make it to Japan, they asked if I wanted to stay in a traditional or "regular" hotel. I said traditional, or whatever they thought, since I really didn't know what that entailed. They came up with a remarkable variety for me to enjoy. (They were a little concerned that I couldn't handle sleeping on the traditional futon, instead of a regular bed.)

But honestly, at our first traditional hotel in Kyoto, the Hiiragiya Bekkan (loosely translated as the Holly Tree Hotel), I realied that I had just arrived in Heaven.

Kentaro and his Mom had one apartment (you couldn't just call it a "room"), and I had my own. Since I am going to go completely overboard and show a ton of pictures on this incredible place, I'll save my further comments about this place. Except to say that, upon arrival at Hiiragiya Bekken, I was sure I was living in my very own Katsura (albeit on a slightly smaller scale).

Before that magic moment, however, I had great fun at the Shinkansen ("bullet") train station. The Shinkansen is a high-speed train, nicknamed bullet for its speed. The train station, to me, was a delightful place. I got to go with Ken and pick out my meal at a myriad of small restaurants in the station. (What the Japanese refer to as "fast food" is a tantalizing tray filled with small boxes, each containing different types of vegetables and/or seafood.) When we landed, Ken took me to the souvenir shop in the station, where I could easily have spent an hour buying little treasures for the folks at home. Everything in Japan is treated with such respect! I bought little washcloths, or handkerchiefs, meant for wiping one's brow but clearly too beautiful to actually do so, small incense burners and incense, adorable charms for the cell phone (or, in my case, purse), and so forth.

For each and every one, they included a small paper gift bag with a sticker to close it up once the gift had been wrapped. I don't know if other people use this, but I can tell you that when I returned home, I wrapped up each and every souvenir in its own little bag, and carefully closed it up with the sticker. It makes the tiny gift that much more special.

Except for the keychains I'd promised Perez from Tokyo, this began my souvenir buying. I got so much pleasure out of purchasing these lovely items, and each night I would take them out and look at them, imagining how happy the lucky recipient would be to receive them.

I told you I was a bit weird.

Dynamic Tokyo!

2010-04-07T07:00:00.000-07:00

(PICTURES: 1-3: Our tour bus and view from the Tokyo Tower. 4-6: My finger appearing at the Happo-en Garden, other Garden pictures. 7-9: Traditional wedding and other beauties, all at the Four Seasons Tokyo Hotel at Chinzan-so. 10-12: Imperial Palace - Nijubashi Double Bridge, Security Post and Watchtower. 13-15: Senso-ji Buddhist Temple, fortune boxes, and incense pot. 16: Enchante, French Restaurant at the Da-Ichi Hotel

March 30: Ken and his family hooked me up with an 8 hour tour, to places I never knew about but would have wanted to see. It really gives a newbie like me a first-class look at Tokyo's main sightseeng spots. First, there's Tokyo Tower, which the guide says symbolizes Japan's recovery after the war, for many of its citizens. At night it lights up like a 333 meter high Christmas tree, and from the literature there is quite the popular hot spot for dancing. At the top-most floor, there is a glass tile in the floor that enables you to look all the way down. For people like me, standing on it for a quarter of a second gives you the hair-raising feeling that you are going to plummet to your death on the ground far, far below.

Next, and more to my interest, we go to the magnificent Happo-en garden to experience a traditional Japanese tea ceremony. I learn that this beautiful garden was once part of a daimyo's mansion (daimyos were the heads of powerful clans who controlled domains and provinces in medieval Japan) during the Edo period (1603-1867). I was already treated to a similar tea ceremony by Fumi-san, ten years ago when they came to visit Kentaro at my home, so I was familiar with the delicious deep green tea and the ritual of turning the bowl so that the decoration faces away from you as you drink. Before we left the gardens I got the chance to see a young couple in beautiful wedding dress, posing for pictures (the photographer waved me out of the way as I was blocking the background, but I got a couple shots), and also had a chance to view the interior of one of the incredible dining halls.

For lunch, where else but the incredible Four Seasons Hotel in Tokyo? I went to a Four Seasons once before, in San Diego for Berry Gordy's wedding in 1993. The Tokyo hotel kept up the fine tradition of knock-your-socks off ambience, in true Japanese style. After a delicious lunch prepared at our table (Japanese-style barbecue on a stone grill created from molten lava from none other than Mount Fuji), I got the chance to walk along the river, which was flush with cherry blossoms (sakura) in full bloom and lovely pink Japanese lanterns. Tokyo is a busy, bustling city, like New York. I would never have dreamed there was such a scenic garden spot in the middle of this city of over 12 million people!

After lunch, we headed for the Imperial Palace Nijubashi Bridge (we didn't go inside the palace because, as the tour guide explained, the Emperor hadn't invited us today). Again, right in the middle of big city Tokyo, is a huge estate surrounded by a moat, no less, where the Emperor lives. Outside, where we plebians were required to remain, there was Merry-Go-Round Park. I was on the prowl for a suitable souvenir keychain for a certain court clerk I know (and you know who you are, Perez!) who collects them. I couldn't get her just any one, so I was delighted to find one with a little wooden Japanese girl doll (there is a name for them but I forget) at a stand in view of the Gate of the Emperor's incredible estate.

After a quick stop at the moat, we drove past the Ginza shopping district, where I recognized local landmarks that I was familiar with (such as Gucci, Coach, and Hermes) on our way to the Imperial (Kaminarimon) Gate. Here, our tour guide advised us we would be able to get souvenirs galore. I was still on the lookout for a traditional Japanese kitty cat (aka Maneki Neko) keychain for Perez, so this was good news for me! Also, the guide recommended using the restrooms here as they were what she called "Western" style (little does she know that we Westerners don't really have the cool toilets with all the buttons, but those are the ones she meant). Traditional Japanese toilets are more primitive, of the "squat and aim" variety.

She also advised us how to ask where something was: For example, "Toilet do-ko?"

After a brief walk along the river, where the guide pointed out Sakura parties in progress (apparently during cherry blossom season, locals get saki and snacks and party down under the blooming cherry trees), the group split up to visit the 90 shops in the arcade leading up to the Imperial Gate and the Buddhist temple Senso-ji.

The shops were a bit much for me. I wasn't used to hundreds of people crammed together and bumping into each other, leaving only inches for each one to move. Besides, since I drink water constantly I have to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes. So after I had secured a Maneki Neko keychain for Perez, I tried to find the highly recommended Western style bathrooms.

Unfortunately, I didn't correctly remember the word for "Where." I thought our guide said "Do-koo?" (Which, I later learned, means "poison.") So I suppose I can't fault the owners of the coffee shop I ran into and urgently requested "Restroom, do-koo?" They gave me a puzzled look and said "Coffee?" I received similar responses to my inquiry from other shop owners. First, (I later learned) they have no idea a "restroom" is, and coupled with "poison" they probably just figured I was nuts.

In desperation I resorted to my map, and finally I was at least able to locate the traditional Japanese toilets. Which will work in a pinch.

It was nearing 5 and I was wearing out by this time, but determined not to quit until I saw it all. I trudged on to the Senso-ji temple. In front of the impressive edifice, I saw a lot of people burning incense, sticking it into a large pot and fanning the smoke towards themselves. Figuring it couldn't hurt, I joined them.

Inside the temple, there was a place where you could buy a fortune (not massive wealth; but a little paper telling you your future). By then I had found my original group, just in time to hear the tour guide explain that you could buy the fortune and if it was good, keep it. If it was bad, you tied it onto a series of wires and thereby avoided the bad luck. I noticed the massive amount of little papers tied to the wires, and decided not to buy a fortune. If I could get out of a bad one just by tying it to a wire and buying a new one until I got one that I liked, how providential could it be? Besides, I was wiped out and just wanted to get back to my hotel.

Some of us (including me) were dropped off in Ginza, to walk home from there. I would have liked to have taken the train, and just stood mindlessly until my stop. But without my host son Kentaro to read the signs for me, I was afraid I'd end up in Timbukto with no idea how to get back. I was too tired for such adventure, and a little sick as well.

Usually, being dropped off in the shopping district would be good news for someone like me, who enjoys stopping by the Coach store now and again. Fortunately, I did remember the way very well just from the familiar landmarks: There's the Kabuki Theater. There's Gucci, and Hermes, and there's Coach.

Being on holiday and thinking I might find something distinctly Japanese for myself or my daughter, I did stop at the Coach store (I might be tired but I'm still a woman!). But I was too exhausted to even look, let alone handle the over-zealous clerk who was determined to sell me something at all costs. So I explained I was under the weather and walked on to my hotel. Luckily, Kentaro and I had taken this way yesterday and I remembered the Peninsula Building he pointed out, my signpost for where I had to turn left to walk down the alley. Alleys in general are much safer to walk down in Japan, and I had a fairly long but unevent walk home, whereupon I collapsed in my room.

March 31: A free day for me, so I slept in, went back to the Ginza district to check out what I'd missed the day before. I asked Kentaro for a good Japanese stationery store, and he pointed me to Itoya, a very elegant, tiny-but-tall store in Ginze that was 9 stories high. No one understood what I meant by "stationery" so I was sent to almost every floor. Result - I got to see all the cool stuff they had, and finally even found stationery! In the evening, it was dinner and a glass of champagne at a nice French restaurant in the hotel. The restaurant was beautiful, and what was best for me is that it was blissfully empty, save two other tables. I sat in a dreamy daze, listening to Chopin and enjoying the peace.

More about Japanese hotels...

2010-04-06T17:48:00.000-07:00

Okay, now that I've gone to the nitty-gritty about Japanese toilets, I want to share my thoughts on Japanese hotels.

They are better than American hotels.

Why? Because they are simple, and efficient. For example, every Japanese hotel I've been in, without exception, has slippers there for you. They also have a preheated pot of hot water and a tea set with plenty of green tea. Clearly they understand that these things are necessities, and something any civilized person needs the minute they come into the room.

As if that weren't enough, they have button panels that are easily understood (even by someone like me, who doesn't speak the language), which enable you to turn on and off the lights, or in some cases even open and close the drapes, at the touch of a button. Apparently like all hotels in Asia (I say this because it is also true in Hong Kong) you have to place your hotel key in a holder near the door to activate the lights. This is a great way to avoid wasting energy.

But wait! I've saved the best for the last. The real reason Japanese hotels are superior to American hotels, is because they have alarm clocks that you can actually figure out how to use. I'm not kidding. I can't tell you how many American hotels I've been in that have a gizmo (clock, alarm, radio, CD player, noise machine, etc. etc.) that is completely incomprehensible when it comes to setting the alarm. "Yes," you may say, "but that is because you are technologically impaired." And, I would have to admit, that is true. But there have been times (in was actually at a Marriott hotel in Canada) when I called the guest services for someone to come up and show me how to work it...and they couldn't figure it out either!

Now, what is the point of that? It means you have to rely on a wake-up call. And people forget. Not often, but one missed wake-up call is all you need to miss your flight.

In Japan, the alarm clock section has three buttons. One turns it on, or off. One moves the wake-up time up, and one button moves it back. That's it. Why does any clock need more than that?

When I travel, I don't want to spend half an hour just before I go to bed, trying to figure out the alarm clock and feeling like I deserve an award of some kind when I finally do. I just want to go to bed, and make sure I will get up at the right time.

In Japan, whether modern or traditional (complete with futon for sleeping and shoji screens), they understand this. And for that I thank them, from the bottom of my heart. (By the way, the picture above is still of my first hotel in Japan. The finger on the left hand side is mine. I guess you could call it my trademark.)

Da-Ichi Hotel, Dr. Masuro Emoto, and more...

2010-04-06T09:59:00.000-07:00

1-2: More pics of the Da-Ichi main hotel. 3: Family pic with Kentaro's friend, Tristan 4: Me, looking disheveled at the Udon restaurant in Tokyo prior to going to Dr. Emoto's office.

March 29: Yes, I really am going to talk about each day of my trip. Thanks to Kentaro and his family, every day was filled with something different. They knew what interested me, they thought of places I didn't even know about that would probably interest me, and reserved it all for me. At left is a picture of the lobby at the Da-Ichi Hotel. Kentaro and I had talked via email about going to the big electronics store in Tokyo to buy a digital camera when I arrived. After we did, however, I decided not to get it as the instructions would all be in Japanese. I have enough trouble trying to decipher instructions on electronic doodads in English, so I thought it best to leave well enough alone.

Instead, Kentaro loaned me one of their spare digitals, and with it I took a few pics. The 29th in Tokyo dawned cold and rainy, changing at one point to sleet as Kentaro and I roamed the city looking for a likely place to have lunch. We found a tiny Udon (noodle) restaurant, and slipped inside to escape a small hailstorm which had suddenly taken the cold up a notch. I discovered in my soup a species of tiny mushrooms which grew in a bunch, and seemed to lodge themselves between my teeth. A bit disconcerting.

At 3 p.m., Ken had made an appointment for us to visit the main office of Dr. Masuro Emoto, a scientist and author of The Hidden Messages in Water. His work was featured in the movie, What the Bleep Do We Know? and I had been interested in it ever since. Since Dr. Emoto is Japanese, I asked Ken via email prior to my visit if he had ever heard of him. He hadn't, but looked him up and found out his main office was in Tokyo. Ken arranged for us to visit and we rode the trains that day to his neck of the city.

Ken gave me a card that I could use in the scanners, to ride subways or trains in the city. Both are a pretty amazing experience for someone who is used to riding alone in her Lexus. Packed with far more people than seats, the sardine experience was a new one for me-but not for Ken! While I clung to the poles or the straps to stay upright, he stood perfectly balanced in the middle of the aisle without holding onto anything, like it was the most normal thing in the world. Apparently he rides them every day to work, so it's nothing new for him. (Later, I even noticed people standing up with their heads resting on their chest, asleep!) Although Kentaro said I could use the card to ride the subways or trains on my own, I doubted my ability to figure out the directions in the bustling, crowded stations and decided instead to stick with cabs. I didn't want to end up in a distant city without a working cell phone or knowledge of the language.

Dr. Emoto was in Italy when we visited his office, but his assistant showed us around the laboratory and offered to answer any questions I had. Kentaro patiently translated for me, and I got the chance to ask some questions I had about Dr. Emoto's research. It was interesting, though not the highlight of the trip. I really enjoyed Dr. Emoto's book, however, and I believe respect for water is something greatly needed in this world.

After our visit, Kentaro said his mother had planned for us all to have dinner together at their home. I was feeling a bit under the weather and asked Ken if he'd mind my taking a nap before going to his home. I was concerned that he would have nothing to do for an hour while I slept (since it was a 40 minute multi-train ride to his house, it would have been silly for him to go home for just one hour and return). I needn't have worried though! Ken found plenty to do to keep busy while I slept, and one hour later he returned to my hotel with two envelopes full of information and my itinerary for the next day.

That night, I got to see Ken's parents, Fumi and Yoshimasa Chiba, again. They had visited Kentaro when he was living at my home, so we knew each other. His Mom had even performed a classical Japanese tea ceremony for me, since she knew I was interested in such things. Fumi-san has a sparkling and cheerful personality, coupled with kindness and good humor. In addition, she is very outgoing and just plain fun to be around. Yoshimasa-san is more reserved but equally kind, with a wonderful smile that lets you know his feelings. It was so good to see them both, and to enjoy the delicious feast that Fumi-san had prepared!

Kentaro's friend Tristan from the Phillipines also came to join the fun, and after dinner they had a big surprise: Ken's father had filmed the tea ceremony at my house in 2000, and suddenly there we all were on the screen! It was pretty cool to see us all from 'way back then, and it brought back lots of good memories. Yoshimasa-san also gave me a copy of the DVD to take home and share.

It may sound funny, but I want to digress for a moment here and talk about something that is usually "taboo" and that is...toilets. In Japan, people are very clean and neat. And efficient. Their toilets are nothing short of amazing. Not only are the seats heated, but they have an "arm" alongside the seat with buttons, that give you a variety of options. One is the bidet option. Another is the option shown by a button with a simple cartoon of a "butt" with water squirting on it. (You get the idea.) Then, of course, there is a "stop" button, so that you can end the washing actions. Some have a "super deodorizer" button, to keep life smelling beautiful. And last but not least, for those of us who value our privacy in the restroom, there is a button with an artificial flushing sound to cover up "other" noises.

I'll admit, when I first checked into my hotel room I couldn't even figure out how to flush this toilet! I had to remember my son Alex's constant admonition to me, to try and figure things out for myself instead of immediately calling for help. And, once I did get the hang of it, I was amazed that we primitive Americans could settle for a simple, cold-seated toilet on a daily basis. Think of the cleanliness we are missing out on! I am hopeful that someone will come along and revolutionize the American toilet industry by introducing these wonderful seats in the good old U.S. of A.

Wow, did I just wax enthusiastic about a toilet?? I'd better "end" here.

Next Stop: Tokyo!

2010-04-06T09:15:00.000-07:00

March 27: I'm excited to be leaving for my trip to Japan and Hong Kong. It's my first trip in 6 years that will last more than 4 days. My son Alex takes me and my huge blue suitcase, and small leopard carry- on case, to the airport.

March 28: 13 hours later, I arrive at Narita Airport in Tokyo. I never thought of myself as The Ugly American, but foolishly I expected that everyone would speak English when I arrived. Wrong! I stand in the midst of hundreds (thousands?) of people, all of whom are speaking Japanese and have no idea what I'm trying to say. Most just ignore my feeble efforts to communicate. Luckily, through the crowd I spot my friend Kentaro Chiba, the handsome young man who as an exchange student lived with my family in the states for his junior year in high school. Kentaro doesn't look like he's changed a bit from the last time I saw him. He is the reason I came to Japan, when he wrote and advised me that it had been ten years since he came to America and it was "high time" I came to Japan.

With him is his beautiful sister Mari, whom I've never met but is friendly and kind from the first moment. (Note: I am equally as good at taking pics as I am at speaking Japanese, which is why I have no pictures of Kentaro or Mari until two days later, when we are having dinner with the family and someone else brings out a camera.) Luckily Kentaro is fluent in English and navigates me through my ignorance of the language and smoothly out of the airport. Mari trained at the university to be an English teacher herself, so I couldn't be in better hands. I'm a bit dazed from the long trip and happy to follow them meekly to the car.

It's no surprise that Kentaro and Mari are so great. Their parents, Yoshimasa and Fumi Chiba, are two of the finest people I've ever met. After Kentaro finished his year abroad and returned home, they wrote and told me to come to Japan . They said all I had to do was get there, and they would take care of the rest. They meant it, too! Ten years later, I show up in Tokyo and they have my whole trip planned. Every hotel is hand-picked by them, and every day planned. Thank God, as I would have been lost trying to figure out where to stay and how to enjoy this beautiful country to the fullest without their assistance.

Top 6 Signs of Impending Divorce

2010-03-20T08:50:00.001-07:00

http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/signsyourmarriageisover/tp/signsofdivorce.htm

Interesting article on signs that your marriage is over. If you have some or all of these in your marriage then run don't walk to the marriage counselor, or contact us immediately. We can't heal your marriage, but if it's over we can help you end it in a respectful, cost-effective way.

Simple Solutions

2010-03-13T09:03:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a red letter date for me: I moved the cat food dish.

What? you ask. Is that a sentence from a child’s reader? Maybe. It’s also a simple solution to a large problem that has plagued me for quite some time.

Everybody who reads this column knows I have cats; three darling little “angels of cuteness,” as I call them. I keep their food and water in a place in the kitchen that is part of the main traffic pattern in the house. As a result, visitors often come and kick the dishes over, spilling their contents across the floor.

Time after time, I have cleaned up the mess after someone, (and you people know who you are), has walked right into what is in plain view. I have never uttered a word of complaint? Why? ‘Cuz I’m nice, that’s why. And I don’t like conflict. So I just swallowed my feelings, and I bought a kiosk that held the two dishes in place. “At last, I thought, this will keep the klutzes from smashing into the cat dishes!”

No such luck. The klutzes kick the kiosk, knocking both the food and water out at once. Again, and again, and again and again.

They are always sorry. They always do it again.

Klutziness has ruled my life, and I just realized that I have had a low grade “mad” going about it for, like, two years! Isn’t that dumb?

I thought so. And then, yesterday, I had a brainstorm: I decided to move the kiosk to a location that is off the beaten path, still available to the angels of cuteness, but not accessible to the clueless denizens who assault it every day. (Heaven bless them). So many times, I have cleaned up after some guileless (mindless)… person, who had no idea he had done something to offend me. And now to find out that the clueless person, was actually… me!

What amazing benefits come to us when we decide to bless ourselves with personal action!

As soon as I moved the kiosk, I noticed how much easier it was to reach the cappuccino in the cupboard above it, without stepping around the dishes. I observed how quickly I could access the cling wrap in the drawer behind, without squeezing in to get there. In short, as soon as I eliminated the problem with this simple change, life got much, much better on a variety of fronts.

Is there a cat dish in your life? Some pet peeve you harbor that you are actually creating yourself? Think about it. Although it’s simple, it may not be obvious (until after you make the change, of course). On a conscious level we may seem to be the innocent “victim” of others’ behavior. But in truth, we are totally responsible for everything that happens in our lives.

Have you ever been in a rush to get somewhere, and then been frustrated at the slow drivers who keep you from getting where you need to go, on time? I have. The real problem, of course, is leaving without enough time to allow for slowdowns, traffic jams, and the like. If we did that, we would just sit back and enjoy the ride.

Everything in our lives serves some purpose. For me, the cat food dish may have been my subconscious way of weeding out the “unacceptable” people (“If you can’t even notice a dish that’s right in your way, you can’t be that sharp.”); or maybe it let me feel superior to those without this minimal awareness of their surroundings.

None of this was obvious to me on a conscious level, of course. It was just a source of great annoyance, as I wondered how anyone (who claimed to be worthy of my company) could fail to see such a large dish, time and again. But now that I’ve eliminated the problem, I have to wonder how I could have failed to see such a simple solution, until now.

In fact, the cat dish saga is becoming a major epiphany for me. I have begun to see more and more circumstances in which I feel anger or frustration, which I created myself, without even realizing it. I “set myself up.” In these exciting and challenging times, it’s important to eliminate areas of needless frustration so we that can focus our energies on things like the global reinvention that is happening all around us.

If you find yourself in a particular situation that seems to occur again and again in your life, which causes you upset, it’s time to start looking for the “cat dish” solution. Don’t criticize yourself. You are not a victim, and you are not a fool. You created this problem for a reason. The Universe will reveal it to you, and then, suddenly, the solution will be obvious. You will derive the benefit of your problem, and then free yourself up from needless aggravation to move on to bigger and better things.

For me, guess what? The person that always walked into the cat dish is not here anymore. As it turns out, he was unconscious of a great number of things that were simply too important to overlook. Do you see? As you take control of your life, the people that serve your highest good either adjust, or they move on. The key is to respect the fact that you are the creator of your own challenges, for your own reasons. Once you grasp that truth, and take action, you will instantly come into your power.

Rich Dad's Annual Forum a Blast!

2010-02-21T17:29:00.000-08:00

21 February 2010, Orlando, FL: I'm here at the Disney Hilton with my son and investment partner at the Annual Rich Dad Forum.

First of all, I just want to get this off my chest. I'm a huge Robert Kiyosaki fan, ever since I discovered his book, "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" back around 2000. It completely changed the way I think about money. One of the reasons it was user friendly for me, was that it was not the typical "financial book." Hard, cold financials never appealed to me. His was a human interest story, and one I could relate to. I never thought a financial book could make me cry! But any one that does, gets my vote. That's what I loved about Kiyosaki's books. Robert was very honest about his own lack of self-confidence, and his mistakes. And when he talked about the "toxic secrets" that families keep around money, that really hit home for me. It made me realize that lying about your financial condition does nothing but make things worse. Tough as it is, it is far more productive to take an honest look at where you are, so that you can determine where you need to go.

Anyway, while at the Forum this year, I took an hour off to go and work out in the deserted workout room at the Hilton. Who should walk in, but Robert Kiyosaki himself!

I didn't want to disturb his workout time, but I did go up and shake his hand and tell him how much his books had changed my life. We talked for a few minutes about the Michigan economy and then he said, "Give me a hug." My son was there, and he saw me get teary-eyed. That was such a thrill for me!

I have three major heroes: Bruce Lee, Louise Hay, and Robert Kiyosaki. Meeting Robert on a one-on-one basis, and seeing how truly gracious and friendly he is, is something I will always remember.

The Forum was my first chance to hear Kim Kiyosaki speak, and it is easy to see why these two are such a power couple. She talked about the divorce rate, which as almost everyone knows is more than 50%. But she revealed something I didn't know: That after divorce, most women's financial status goes down 45%, while most men's improve by 15%!

If that isn't a wake-up call, ladies, I don't know what is. These statistics underscore the need for financial intelligence, and the absolute necessity of creating our own income stream. Becoming our own financial powerhouse enables women to fulfill that most romantic idea of all; marrying just for love.

Given that financial problems are the number one cause of divorce (followed by infidelity), if we each are financially independent when we enter into a romantic relationship, it has a much better chance of success.

And don't think that our current sluggish economy has eliminated all opportunities for financial growth. It hasn't! In some ways, it has created more. You just need to know where to look.

We found many opportunities at the Rich Dad Forum. We'll be pursuing them this year. If anyone is interested, just drop me a line and I'll be glad to share some ideas.

Remember: The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. But it's the biggest one you'll ever take.

Divorce Bailout Package-A Modern Answer to an Old Problem

2010-02-15T14:02:00.000-08:00

Timely Solutions In A Challenging Economy

At the start of 2009, President Obama offered his Economic Stimulus Package. At LADY4JUSTICE®, we are doing our part to help Michigan move toward economic recovery by providing cost-effective solutions that work. Like the Divorce Bailout Package.

The Divorce Bailout Package is an all-inclusive, flat fee package that gives couples peace of mind. Since it is a flat fee, there is no hourly billing. And no legal bill in the mail at the end of every month. This unique offering provides mediation services to help couples resolve all issues before filing, then assists them in the preparation, service, and filing of most court documents needed for the divorce. A one-time court appearance to help the parties put their judgment on the record before the court is also part of the package.

So far, the response to our Divorce Bailout Package has been overwhelmingly positive. People tell us "It's a godsend!" If you have tried the Divorce Bailout Package and want to comment on your experience for the benefit of others who may be in a similar situation, we invite you to write us and share your thoughts!

Lady4Justice also offers traditional mediation services on an hourly basis.

Speechless

2010-01-22T18:53:00.000-08:00

Ten years ago, my son (in ninth grade) signed us up to sponsor a foreign exchange student, because the girl who came to talk to his class about it was cute. He forgot to mention that he had signed me up, and I was blissfully ignorant of the whole thing until the lady from AUSA called me up to ask when I wanted my exchange student to move in.

I had no idea what she was talking about, of course, and as a newly single parent wasn't thrilled with the idea of having another mouth to feed (sponsoring families support the exchange student like one of their own). She was persistent, however, and mentioned that there was a young man from Japan who had come to America, and his sponsor family had fallen through. At the current time, he was sleeping in her basement.

Still unsure of my ability to manage the whole thing, I agreed to welcome Kentaro into my home.

After all, I thought. I am a big martial arts fan, and I'm sure this young man could tell me a lot about the martial arts. And Zen. And computers. When Ken arrived, however, he informed me that he did not know anything about the martial arts, or Zen, or computers. "What do you know about?" I asked. He responded, "Mariah Carey." (As it turns out, he also did know a little something about Zen.)

And so Kentaro joined our family, becoming Alex and Alexis's big brother. He was eager to learn about everything American. He asked me to dye his hair blond. We took him to the mall so he could get piercings. "Good grief," I thought. "His parents are going to be furious!"

But as it turned out, his parents actually came to visit him while he was here, and they were as wonderful as he. They brought us marvelous artifacts from Japan. His mother learned from Kentaro that I had studied the Imperial Villas at Katsura, and the tea ceremonies, in college. She brought me a tea bowl with a whisk, measuring spoon, and tea powder. She performed a tea ceremony for me. She also brought wonderful Japanese incense (the best incense in all the world!) because Ken had shared that I also loved incense. Ken's father brought me books on Zen, beautiful Japanese stamps, and yen.

We had so much fun with Ken. Back then, I used to make each of the kids responsible for dinner one night a week. I still remember the all-seaweed dinner Kentaro made for us; every dish, including desert, made of seaweed! I loved it. He joined us on a trip to Florida, and on his own made all the arrangements to attend the high school prom with classmates, in a big Jeep stretch limo. He left no stone unturned in trying things American. He taught me things I didn't know about my own home! (Like the fact that we have terrible mass transit, due to our being "Motown" and the car companies wanting to "encourage" us to buy cars instead of riding a subway like the bullet train in Japan.) On my birthday, Kentaro made me three tiny, beautiful origami sculptures that I have kept on my dresser ever since.

When Ken returned home at the end of the year, his parents wrote and invited my entire family to Japan. They said, "All you have to do is get here. We will take care of the rest." I thanked them, planned to come, and never did. Having Kentaro stay with us was a wonderful experience in itself, and one for which I needed no repayment.

However, this Christmas, instead of only his Mom sending a card, I got one from Ken himself. He said, "I am 27 years old now. It's been 10 years since I was in America and it's high time you came to Japan." Wow. Ten years! How time has flown.

I agreed with Ken: it is high time I came to Japan. I made my reservations for late March, when Ken said the cherry blossoms were in bloom, and planned to stay for two weeks.

That's all Ken and his family needed to hear. While I was pondering which hotel I should book, it seems they immediately went into action to plan the whole itinerary for my entire stay. Ken scheduled a whole week off work to spend time with me, and he asked me what things I wanted to see. He and his father, remembering what a huge Bruce Lee fan I am, suggested I might want to fly to Hong Kong while I am there. What a great idea! After all, when will I be in Japan again?

And tonight, I got an email from Ken. He said they were trying to get a reservation for me at the Imperial Villa, and needed my date of birth. I wrote back with the information, saying "I have no idea what the Imperial Villa is, but thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of your efforts." Then I googled the Imperial Villa. (See picture above.)

Oh yes. The Imperial Villa at Katsura, the one I studied in college way back in the '80's. The one I always admired so much that I chose furniture for my home that mirrored the beauty of its natural wood and bamboo style. It brought tears to my eyes to think of this kind and loving family living across the world from me, ten years after they ever set eyes on me...remembering the things I love. I am so blessed to live in this wonderful world. Thank you, Kentaro, Fumi, Mari, and Yoshimasa. Words cannot express how good you make me feel.

Help For Haiti

2010-01-17T17:09:00.001-08:00

I am in New Jersey this weekend, attending a business seminar. As usual when I am out of town, I got up early to work out in the fitness room. As I pulled the handles of the eliptical machine and checked my heart rate, I listened to the news about Haiti, and learned a lot I hadn't known before.

It seems that Haiti is a very young country, with the average age there being 25. I don't know whether that is because life is so hard there most people don't make it much past that age or not, but that's what the newscaster said. They also showed a Google Earth picture of Port au Prince, before and after the 7.0 earthquake. One minute you could see it, and the next...gone.

Secretary of State Clinton was there, talking about the need for a plan to rebuild Haiti. She said the structures there really weren't so great before, and plans for rebuilding should include more than just trying to patch up the old buildings. Rather, a complete rennovation is needed.

Military helicopters are bringing in supplies to the earthquake victims, but their large size is stirring up all the rubble in the areas where it is clear enough to land, making it a very dangerous situation for both pilots and those on the ground waiting for help. It seems smaller helicopters wouldn't stir up the air as much, but they simply can't carry the massive amount of supplies that are needed.

Here in New Jersey, I read about school children holding fundraisers in order to send money to help the earthquake victims. In fact, everywhere I look, I see people concerned about the Haitian plight. It makes me realize just how small our planet really is, and how interconnected we all are.

Recently, I have grieved the loss of several family members. I tried to imagine what it must be like for the Haitians, with the massive devastation everywhere, but I couldn't. It's just too much. Amazingly though, the newscasters said that people there are praising, not blaming, God. That is incomprehensible to me. They must have very loving souls.

In this day and age, there is no room for remaining separate from the rest of the world, and that's a good thing. The more love we give, the more we have to give, and the more we will receive. Life isn't about win-lose anymore. Now is the time for win-win. Or it will be lose-lose for all of us.

As I listened to the sheer numbers of what is needed (supplies, medical assistance, and so forth), I really wondered what one person could possibly do to make a difference. Then I thought of the schoolchildren in Jersey (and elsewhere, no doubt), having a bake sale to earn money to send to people they've never met. If we all do something, it will be enough.

There are many places taking donations for the people in Haiti, so I won't list them here. You can find them just as easily yourself. But please take the time to help, in whatever way works for you. Life is too short to spend it thinking only of ourselves.

At long last...love!

2010-01-10T19:55:00.000-08:00

Yes, I'm in love. With a new website I've found, called My Brain Trainer (http://www.mybraintrainer.com/). Finally, a site that lets us 50-somethings give our brains a good workout! Called the World's First Virtual Mental Gymnasium, My Brain Trainer lets you see how old your brain is (not trying to brag, but mine's 21), and for a very minimal fee allows you to embark on a 21-day brain improvement program. Well, actually 90 days of access to a multitude of brain improvement tools for a measly $9.95.

I learned of this wonderful site from my friend, Karen Serenity. She passed on an email that told about different things people were trying to stay sharp as they moved into their power years. I checked them out (everything from vitamins, to CD's designed to synchronize the brain's hemispheres) and saw that this site, My Brain Trainer, was one of the ways that really worked.

And it doesn't just work for the more mature among us! Someone in the 30-39 bracket wrote in to say they were now a systems engineer despite "never finding time" to finish their research paper, after signing on to My Brain Trainer and learning to better concentrate.

On this site, you can either do the 21 day training program (my choice), or select a specific area, such as memory, executive function, or inspection time. There are LSAT exercise groups on the site, among others. For me, my morning is not complete without my brain quiz to find out how old my brain is today.

The site boasts that not only has it been found to improve memory and concentration, it also helps to relieve anxiety and reduce feelings of stress. Frankly, I quite agree. What more can you ask of a new love than to stimulate you, support you, improve your mental capacity, and help you lose the blues? Try it; you'll like it!

It's Complicated

2010-01-06T19:00:00.000-08:00

Today my daughter Alexis told me about a new movie she had just seen, called "It's Complicated." It was about a couple who had gotten divorced ten years earlier, who fell back in love with each other. She said that the grown children, at the end, began bawling because they were so upset that their parents had re-united. They said, "We're still trying to get over the last breakup." Sounds complicated, all right. The good thing in my opinion, is that the movie addressed a real life situation. In my experience as a divorce lawyer, spouses sometimes do get back together once they have moved on, tried someone else, and realized it's not all it's cracked up to be. And children are always upset when their parents split up, no matter how old they are.

Over the holiday I watched "Four Christmases" with Reese Witherspoon and Vince Bond. It was about a couple who diligently avoids marriage...and their divorced parents over the holiday. When bad weather grounds them from their usual holiday get-away, their families learn that they are in town. Then the couple is "stuck" visiting four groups (each one's parents and significant others). The movie was funny, but what I liked best about it was that it reflected what is reality for most people in America.

The days of Ozzie and Harriet are gone, and more often then not, divorced and blended families (two divorced people who marry each other and try to "blend" their existing families) are the reality. It's great to see current entertainment reflecting this, helping us learn how to cope with the way things are now.

Tiger Woods - A Textbook Case of Why Not to Text

2009-12-20T17:16:00.000-08:00

Posted on 11 December 2009 on Texas Divorce Lawyer Ashley Russell's blog:

Recent media coverage of the Tiger Woods scandal illustrates the speed with which a text message can go from a seemingly “private” communication, for the intended recipient’s eyes only, to Wednesday’s Access Hollywood, David Letterman's Top 10 Tiger Woods Texts List on Thursday , and just about every celebrity gossip website and magazine out there. While Woods’ extramarital affairs would no doubt be at the center of a media frenzy regardless, the text messages provided by Woods’ lovers provides concrete evidence supporting what might otherwise just be speculation. With the text messages circulating the web, delving into the depths of what Woods mistakenly believed to be private communications can be as easy as typing “Tiger Woods text messages” into Google. Various verbatim exchanges between Woods and his alleged paramours are open to the public to read and analyze at their leisure. Unfortunately for Woods, text message exchanges with the subjects of his extramarital affairs are also accessible to his wife, and to the attorney she hires in the event of a divorce.

While it might not make the late night talk shows or celebrity gossip sites, texting frequently leads to big trouble for people who are not Tiger Woods. A text message with a paramour can reveal an extramarital affair to the unsuspecting spouse who accidently comes across it, or confirm the suspicions of a suspecting spouse who looks through their cheating spouse’s phone. After a divorce is filed, text messages provide powerful and often embarrassing evidence of infidelity by the cheating spouse during the marriage.

In today’s world it is easy to be seduced by the ease and immediacy of text messaging. Texting can be particularly appealing to those involved in extramarital affairs due to the illusion of privacy this method of communication offers. People text things that they may not feel comfortable saying in person or over the phone (for example, “sexting”). But they often don’t realize the extent to which text messages are accessible by people other than the intended recipient. Texting, like e-mail, credit cards, and phone bills, leaves a trail. Telephone companies keep records that can be subpoenaed and used as evidence of infidelity in a divorce proceeding. Also, there is nothing to prevent a scorned or opportunistic lover from saving the messages, sending them to the cheating spouse’s husband or wife, or in Wood’s case, leaking them to popular media outlets for publication.

For the cheating spouse, the moral of Wood’s texting indiscretions is that texting can spell big trouble for you, in your marriage and in your divorce. For the spouse who is cheated on and his or her attorney, use the cheater’s texting troubles to your advantage as great evidence for your adultery claim.

Expect the Unexpected: A Divorce Scenario for Men

2009-12-11T16:30:00.000-08:00

Okay men, let me talk to you this time. The scenario is the same, you have fallen out-of-love over time and there may or may not be an external factor, such as a new woman in your life. You have become “The unhappily married man” that you always said you would never be.

She was the love of your life at one time, which is why you asked her to marry you and also the reason you two had a family together, but things have changed over the years including your feelings for her. Maybe you feel like she takes you for granted, that she doesn’t appreciate the great provider that you have been to the family; maybe you don’t feel like she has been supportive enough of your profession or job because she has been focusing on her own; maybe you feel rejected because she seldom wants to have sex ~ and your relationship is, well, not really much of a relationship anymore. There are many reasons why you could have fallen out of love and you just can’t live this way anymore. You need to feel needed; you are a man, and it is truly your nature to feel this way, and you can’t remember the last time that she really needed you. So, with great thought and some internal emotional struggles about your family and finances, you have decided you are going to ask her for a divorce.

At this point, you need to be fully aware that although you think you know your wife better than anyone in the world, and that you have seen the worst and the best sides of her, you may not have seen it all. Although you have witnessed her throw titanic fits and you have seen her go through emotions that you, to this very day still do not understand, and you think that you are prepared to have this “discussion” with her ~ listen carefully: NO YOU ARE NOT!

Now, let’s break this down and give it some life.

You begin by telling her that you love her, that you always have and that you always will.

Stop right there: Before you finish this sentence, maybe even before you even asked her to come and talk with you, she knew something was up ~ remember that old saying about a woman’s intuition…it is very true most of the time.

You continue to speak as she sits there nervously waiting on your next words (you need to know, that she has a good idea of what you are going to say next and her emotions are building quickly). Then you say it, “I’m not happy.” This is where your carefully thought-out plan to break the news to her ends ~ so do not be surprised…be prepared.

Here is a good scenario. Immediately, she becomes enraged and demands to know who the “other” woman is. When you tell her there is no other woman, you instantly become a lying, no-good, cheating bastard.

Men, try to remember to remain calm, as hard as that may be; she is trying to process what you have just said to her and she is searching for a reason that makes sense of it all. The best thing you can do is listen to her, let her vent, assure her there is no other woman and bite your tongue when you want to lash back out at her. This is a critical moment. It is the beginning of the end, so focus and try very hard to remain a level head in the situation. This moment will set the tone for the way the rest of the end will play out.

Her anger will eventually calm and turn into sadness and hurt, and I am sure you will see many tears fall: From here, it’s anyone’s guess what will happen next. This is where it really depends on the two people, the type of relationship that you have had, the maturity level of you both and the way that she processes confusion, hurt, anger, fear and sadness (by the way, even though this was your idea, and you might not think so right now, you too will likely experience all of this yourself). All of these emotions will be felt by her, almost simultaneously. It is truly comparable to losing someone to death and people tend to deal with it the same way initially. Think about it: the person that you love is making the choice to move on in life without you. That is a hard, hard thing to deal with.

You must be prepared and not be naïve thinking she is going to understand and this will be an easy process. Losing your life, your husband, everything you have known is terrifying and the initial shock of it all is more than anyone can process at one time. Expect to hear hurtful, ego deflating things and don’t take it to heart; put some oil on your feathers and let it roll off like water. She is hurt and you are the direct cause of her pain so naturally she is going to want to hurt you, too.

She is also going to look for reasons why you don’t love her anymore, and you may even do some soul searching yourself. Many times we don’t understand why our feelings have changed.

Understanding the emotional impact on her will help you get through this time. Think about how she is going to feel. Put yourself on the receiving end of this unexpected news: Doing this will help you to empathize with her and hopefully give you the strength you will need as you go through this process.

Divorce does not have to be the end of a relationship, it can be a transformation. Having a good family law attorney is crucial and will increase the odds of having a happy ending as opposed to a nightmare. An attorney who is trained in mediation has the tools needed to help you through the struggles you will most certainly encounter. So be judicious in your choice ~ this choice is the rest of your life.

Good Luck.

What Did You Expect, Roses? A Divorce Scenario for Women

2009-12-09T18:48:00.000-08:00

It's been an okay marriage, but you're just not happy. You love him. He is after all the Father of your children, and has been your best friend for many years. You just don't want to be with him anymore. Why? Maybe you think you are missing out on something in the world. Maybe your life has become stagnant and you want a change, something new and exciting. It could just be that the romance is gone and you really want to feel loved again. He doesn't look at you like he once did, his kisses aren't passionate anymore, the lovemaking is dull and predictable (if it even exists at all), and the excitement you once felt when he grabbed you and held you tight is all but gone...so you decide you want a divorce.

You're sure that he will understand. After all, he must be as unhappy as you are. Day in and day out you do the same things, go through the same routine, and you both need a change. You have given this a lot of thought, and you are sure that it will be a simple, uncontested, mutual parting of the ways. And in the end you will remain great friends and be wonderful parents, probably even better than you are now, because you will both be happier. Caution: Road block ahead!

Let's look at this scenario from his point of view.

You tell him that you are unhappy (he sees fire), that you are bored (he is offended), that you miss the romance (he thinks there is another man), and that you love him but just don't want to be married to him anymore (his world has just crumbled in less than 60 seconds).

Ladies, he is not going to give you roses at this point. In fact, in the very immediate future, he is very likely to hurt you with harsh, angry words. Even if you were right in your analysis that your marriage has become nothing more than a co-habitation of convenience, the fact is that the two of you built a world together, and now it is ending. Going your separate ways means that someone is going to become a part-time parent, and have to find a new place to live ~ and he knows it is usually the man.

Be prepared. He is going to become defensive, accusing, and quick to point out every flaw and shortcoming that you have ever had, and believe me, he knows them all (men keep a mental list too; they just don't pull it out as often). Not only will he name them all, but he will magnify and intensify them. Even though it hurts, try to develop a thick skin and don't react to his anger. The most important person in his world has just rejected him. He's not going to take that in stride. Hurt feelings need time to heal.

Allow him to vent and be angry~he has that right. It is only fair, as you have just told him that he is not the person he believed himself to be all these years. In a sense, his identity has been stolen and he has to figure out why, where, when, and what to do now. Not to mention that you have just bruised his ego in a big way.

This is where a good attorney comes in. You are right; a divorce can be civilized and should be, especially when children are involved. In a case such as this, where one party just is not happy anymore, a civil parting of the ways is certainly possible and infinitely more desirable. In this situation, a good family law attorney can serve you well and respect both of your needs as one-time-lovers transitioning into divorced parents and friends. That's why our motto is, "It started with love, why not end it the same way?"

Tiger Woods - The Controversy Continues

2009-12-08T11:38:00.000-08:00

For an interesting take on the Tiger Woods controversy, read this story: http://glennsacks.com/blog/?p=4443

What a Night!

2009-11-22T17:59:00.001-08:00

There are many benefits to ending your marriage peacefully. One big benefit for the entire family is a productive co-parenting relationship. Another, if you happen to have been married to someone who was Berry Gordy's childhood friend, is that you get to attend cool events like the Gala for Motown's 50th Anniversary on November 21st, as Berry's guest.

Technically, I was the guest of a guest because it's my former husband, Bud, whom Berry invites. Either way, it was a lucky day for me as I got to sit and talk with luminairies who were either Motown recording artists (like Stevie Wonder) or friends and supporters (such as Judge Greg Mathis, the Reverend Jesse Jackson, and the Honorable Damon Keith).

The setting was sumptuous, of course, and filled with beautiful dresses and beautiful people at the Detroit Marriott in the RenCen. When we were escorted to the dining hall, 750 people were treated to a lovely dinner amidst the dynamic entertainment of the "new" Temptations, Aretha Franklin, Stevie Wonder, and Kid Rock. (Even the warm up band was good!) There was also a short film honoring former members of the Motown family who have recently passed away (like Levy Stubbs of the Four Tops and of course, the biggest entertainer of them all, Michael Jackson). Sinbad as Master of Cermonies was a riot.

Bud and I were accompanied by our son, Alex, and his daughter Toi. Much to Alex's consternation (he thinks mothers should be wearing a shawl and knitting) I got up and danced to the old tunes I loved and grew up to. When I hear good music, I can't sit down! No one else seemed to mind, as they were having just as much fun as I was.

The Detroit Marriott is pretty amazing. I had never been in this part of it before, and was thrilled to see old posters of all my early favorites (the Supremes, Temptations, and of course the Jackson 5) flawlessly superimposed over the elevator doors so that you are entertained with the history of Motown as you walk to the large halls. I never realized what a beautiful job had been done at the downtown Marriott, or how much Motown is a major theme. It's well worth a visit, just to see it.

Berry Gordy comes from a large and very close-knit family, and any time I am around him I can feel the magic of this web of love that surrounds him. I saw his long-time photographer, Mario, who has accompanied him throughout the years to every event I've ever attended. The Gala was handled with the superb attention to detail I've always seen at any event Berry or his family organized. Everyone was there to have a good time, and when the evening was officially ended we got up and joined Berry and his family at Seldom Blues.

This was a big deal for me, and I am so thankful to Bud, whom I will always love, for allowing me to share it. Just because a marriage ends does not mean there is a villain and a victim. Many times, as with Bud and me, people find that they are able to rediscover what it was they liked about each other in the first place. And to me, that is the kind of love that lasts.

(By the way, the photos above seemed to post in no particular order. They are, me with Stevie Wonder, my son Alex with Sinbad, me with Kid Rock, Kid Rock and Stevie Wonder, the Temptations, and me with Judge Greg Mathis.)

Time to be Tender

2009-11-07T18:43:00.000-08:00

“Divorces don’t wreck children’s lives – people do!”
~Vicky Lansky

Do you know someone who is getting a divorce or a separation? With more than half of first marriages, 60% of second, and 90% of third marriages ending in divorce, who doesn’t? If you are one of these, there is something that is important to remember: the children. That is, we need to be mindful of how our behavior affects our children, and take care not to sacrifice their long-term wellbeing for our own short-term emotional release.

Going through a divorce is tough on the parties. But it’s even tougher on the kids. Suddenly thrown into a situation they had no hand in creating, kids find themselves in rough waters. The waves are howling; the wind blows, and they look up to see their parents--the captains of the ship—fighting at the helm! It’s very unsettling.

Parents are people, just like everyone else. But to their children, parents are like gods who shape the very structure of their world. Children learn what they live. Most of us are wise enough to see this as we try to raise our children. But in a divorce, it’s easy to forget what the children are seeing, hearing, and learning from our behavior. The fact that parents begin to live in two different homes can be seen as a tragedy – the “disintegration of the family”- or as abundance: now you have two peaceful homes instead of one conflict riven dwelling. It’s all in how we choose to paint the picture.

I am a divorce lawyer. My goal is guide my clients through the process of dissolving their marriage so as to minimize the impact on their children, and set them up for continued success as parents, during and after the divorce is finalized. Just because Mom and Dad no longer want to live together is no reason for the kids not to love them both. Helping parents see that is the most important challenge divorce lawyers face.

The parent-child relationship is different from the husband-wife relationship. Yet so often when parents split up, they bring the children into the conflict, with disastrous results. The children are encouraged to take sides, to see one parent as the “bad” parent and the other parent as the “victim.” This does not serve our children.

Unlike marriage, most divorces last forever. This can be a good thing. So often people choose to stay together “for the sake of the children,” but is it a service to our children to stay in relationships which have dissolved into rancor, screaming, or worse? We all tend to recreate as adults what we knew as home when we were kids. If our childhood home was a war zone, then we will recreate the same environment in our homes as adults. Is that what we want to wish on our kids? Of course not! That’s why parties in divorce need to make a commitment to each other to speak well of one another as much as possible. Children need to know that their parents’ breakup was not their fault; that both parents still love them and will always be there for them. The best way to establish these principles in the childrens’ minds is for them to hear it from their parents. Promising not to use the children as weapons is nothing hard. It’s just something to decide and do.

It’s easy to say, “I love you”, when the wedding bells are sounding and hopes are high. It’s hard to show love to our spouse when the marriage has failed and the pain starts getting spread around. Divorce gives us a chance to send our children a message that, even if the spousal relationship did not work out, we as parents can still respect and honor each other. This is using our parental power wisely. The alternative serves no one.

A friend of mine is going through the latter situation. Both parents are well-intentioned people, but the parents have not been careful to keep the children out of the conflict. As a result, they have been made privy to private details of the parents’ lives, and the parent-child relationship has suffered. The kids have identified with one of the parents and made the other their enemy. This is crushing to the ostracized parent, and he talks of nothing else. Although his pain is deep, his children’s pain is worse.

We need to recognize our power in helping our children adjust to a family breakup. Divorce is generally viewed as a negative event in families, and rightly so; because children who experience it are often more susceptible to developing emotional and behavioral difficulties than children who do not experience divorce. But a new study by sociologists Paul Amato of the University of Nebraska and Alan Booth of Pennsylvania State University shows that one of the worst situations for children is actually high-conflict marriages that last.

Research shows that three quarters of children and adults who go through divorce do not experience long-term emotional problems. In many instances, divorce even leads to an improved life. Simply by becoming aware of the ways divorce can impact children, parents can decrease, and even prevent, some of the negative consequences of divorce.

It has been established that educational programs can help parents communicate with their children about issues related to divorce. One such program is Parents Forever, an educational program for families in transition. This program was designed to help parents stop fighting in front of their children, to keep the children out of parent issues, to provide access to both parents, and to put the best interests of the children first. (For more information, visit www.joe.com.)

In truth, divorce can be the catalyst for an extraordinary life. That’s why the best educational programs for divorce issues emphasize the positive impact of the process in helping families turn a page. Whatever the purported grounds, the truth in divorce is that there is no villain and there is no victim. There are just two people who tried, and didn’t make it. Accepting this reality frees us to learn the lessons we need to learn and move on. If we remain stuck in the “blame game” we are doomed to repeat the same mistakes.

Children of divorce admittedly do experience trauma. Yet nearly 80 percent of these children don't suffer long-term damage. The key? If the parents recover quickly from the emotional blows of divorce and resume their roles as parents, the kids will do fine.
"Can you get up in the morning and make breakfast?” asks Robert Hughes, psychologist and professor of human development at the University of Missouri, “"Can you go to work? If you can recover quickly, get back on your feet and become parents again, the kids will be OK," Hughes says.

It’s been said that circumstances don’t make a man, they reveal him to himself. Divorce is an opportunity for us to start anew, not a call to slander our partner. Remember; the door that you close on this relationship is the same door that opens to the rest of your life. Make yours a door of love and healing, for all concerned.

Group of 50 Mental Health Experts Pushing to Add Parental Alienation to DSM

2009-11-03T15:09:00.000-08:00

Read the story here: http://www.fathersandfamilies.org/?p=5156

Your Power Years

2009-11-01T09:15:00.001-08:00

“The old gray mare, she ain’t what she used to be, many long years ago.” (Song from childhood)

My daughter Alexis and I have started a habit of power walking several times a week. It’s a fun way to get some great exercise. We walk and talk with gusto --at least we do until she brings up a subject on which I feel I have experience to share.

Then the lively conversation stalls, as she informs me with exasperation that she doesn’t need my opinion because she’s already looked it up on the internet! At this point I often decide not to waste my breath. But sometimes I foolishly persist, trying to help her with my unwanted advice. Of course, she is totally unappreciative of my pearls of wisdom.

Why is youth wasted on the young??

It’s all right though, because we don’t want it. People in my generation are really where the action is. Baby Boomers rock!

A New Stage of Life

Just ask Ken Dychtwald. Ken Dychtwald is a psychologist-gerontologist-yoga-practitioner turned author-speaker-consultant-demographer-futurist-entrepreneur-self-help guru, who speaks to major corporations across the country about what he calls “middlescence.” Middlescence is a whole new multi-decade stage of life, between 50 and 70, that offers rich opportunities for reinvention and exploration.

If you think he is artificially creating this stage of life, keep in mind that the term “adolescence,” a word we now take for granted, didn’t exist a century ago. People went from being a child to an adult overnight.

Unlike our counterparts in “adolescence,” however, those of us in middlescence have the benefit of experience and hard-earned wisdom. As a result, we can make better choices, and we already know what we don’t want. Not to mention that, as the Boomer generation, there are a lot more of us around than the 20 and 30-somethings. So we definitely carry weight.

At 55, Dychtwald refers to aging as a “blast” and says that the longevity revolution will have a bigger impact on people’s lives, on their family, their money, and their work than either the industrial or technological revolutions of previous centuries.

Boomers Rule

Did you know that two-thirds of all the people who have lived past 65 are alive today? Moreover, according to Dychtwald, the 50-plus generation has 70% of all the wealth, 80% of all the money in savings and loans, and invests 66% of every dollar in the equity markets. So, he asks, tongue-in-cheek, how come they’re getting all the discounts?

I love his approach of seeing Baby Boomers as a rich natural resource, and I see the trend myself in my practice. I have women clients in their 50’s and 60’s who are gorgeous. They take care of themselves; mind, body, and spirit; and it shows. (Women, by the way, will control 60% of the wealth in America by 2010.) I have men clients who are equally fit, active, and healthy, into their 50’s and beyond. We are definitely a different generation from the past, when alcohol and cigarettes were a mainstay of daily life.

When I was pregnant with my twins, some 20 years ago, I refused to accept the then-prevailing wisdom that having children caused you to “lose your figure.” I worked out throughout my pregnancy, and discovered a line of clothing (called “Woman’s Work”) that featured attractive business suits for pregnant women rather than simply the tent-like top that said “Baby in the Oven.” I wasn’t the only one who believed there was life after childbirth, and today many of my friends and clients are in great shape, despite having had children.

The Boomers are also the first to reject what Dychtwald calls a linear view of life: Get born, go to school, go to work, rest, then die. The traditional view of retirement as consisting of golf and rocking on your front porch is gone, and in fact even the average age for retirement has increased to 73 according to Fortune magazine. We are now choosing a cyclic approach to life, in which some of us return to school in midlife, try a brand new career, travel, and then repeat the process in a different field. Some of us are constantly learning and growing through seminars, workshops, and individual study. We are dynamic!

We are always at the perfect age, and it is so gratifying to see that this wisdom is being recognized by an entire generation. Even though advertising still focuses on youth, increasingly we are seeing mature models and more “real” people in ads. We have the power to change the advertising industry by making our preferences known.

Our Inner World Creates Our Outer World

I believe that my generation’s awareness of spirituality and being part of the greater whole is a big factor in our awareness of who we are, and our confidence about expressing it. I feel blessed to be a part of the Boomer generation, and excited about moving into my “power years,” as Dychtwald calls them in his book, The Power Years. The book offers advice on the many aspects of the silver years, including relationship advice based on his 22-year marriage to his wife and business partner, Maddy.

I was fascinated to learn that the pair have been married 22 times, once each year, in a different ceremony. Ranging from traditional to Buddhist to a Mayan ceremony atop the Chichén Itzá pyramid, a Hopi wedding in Sedona, Arizona, and in the nude in a Tai Chi ritual at Esalen, it’s clear that with these two the honeymoon is never over! What a refreshing and vibrant way to look at marriage.

The universal wisdom remains true: What we send out comes back, and what we believe about ourselves becomes true for us. As we Baby Boomers move into the next level of life, we have decided that we want to change the world for the better. We are determined that our lives will continue to be a rich, exciting adventure. As a group, the Boomers are loving and powerful. And whether the 20-somethings realize it or not, we rule! And so it is.

Zen and the Art of Automobile Maintenance

2009-10-18T13:12:00.000-07:00

"The whole moon and the whole sky Are reflected in one dewdrop on the grass."

~Dogen Zenji

He seemed nice enough. Attentive, articulate, and definitely interested. Then I got into his car, and gulped. Papers everywhere. Junk in the back. And he drove it like he was on the last leg of his final journey: right into the ground, without the slightest thought of maintenance or care. Soon thereafter, it died an untimely death.

If you’re dating someone new and are trying to predict your future together, take a look at how they treat their car. You may wonder, “What does how he treats a hunk of metal have to do with how he will treat me, a human being?” A lot, actually.

T. Harv Eker, author of Secrets of the Millionaire Mind, sums it up this way: “How you do anything is how you do everything.” And thousands of years before Eker wrote his book, an even more famous Book quoted Jesus as saying, “He who is faithful in small things will be faithful in large things.”

Do you know someone who cheats on their taxes? You can bet they are cheating elsewhere, too. Do they sweep dirt under the carpet at their house? They are sweeping dirt under the carpet in their life. And if they are spic and span in their homes, then their life is clean and orderly as well.

The man whose car I described above? He seemed caring and kind enough. Yet when I looked at his past, I saw that it was strewn with the wreckage of people devastated by their contact with him. He didn’t mean them any harm. He just treated the people in his life the same way he treated his car.

This insight cuts both ways. Yes, there are people who abuse their vehicles until they literally fall apart. And then there are people who are so picky about their cars that you wonder if they aren’t perhaps a bit over the top. That’s the side I weigh in on. My car is usually polished to a fine, swirl-free radiance. The inside is immaculate, and so is the engine compartment and trunk. To say I am a nit-picker is a bit of an understatement. While this is great for my car, it also suggests that I tend to subject everything in my life to extremely high standards. “Perhaps” impossibly high.

For true happiness, I suggest looking for someone near the middle of the spectrum of automobile maintenance. You know, someone who doesn’t run the white glove test on the hood of their car before taking off. And definitely someone who doesn’t wait until the pistons lock up before getting the oil changed.

This whole subject reminds me of the first “Look Who’s Talking?” movie, starring John Travolta, Kirstie Ally, and the voice of Bruce Willis. Mikey’s single mom (Alley) is dating different men, and mentally trying them on as Mikey’s prospective father. One, an aerobics instructor, was nit-picking the silverware in the restaurant at dinner, and complaining that he saw something floating in the water. Alley visualized him as Mikey’s father, going through his sock drawer and criticizing him for not color-coding his socks.

The next candidate took her to dinner, and began berating the waitress for not attending to them promptly enough. Alley visualized him as Mikey’s father, saying “How many times did we go over and over these algorithms? What are you, an idiot??”

It’s easy to see that car care is not the only way to get a glimpse of your future with a potential mate. Yet it is a quick and easy one. You don’t even have to go on a date!

All kidding aside, in the final analysis it all boils down to love. Whether it’s learning to love ourselves enough to lighten up on ourselves, or learning to love ourselves enough to treat the people and things in our life with care, it’s all about love. We are in the energy field (which is love) at all times. It’s just that we forget. As we awaken to love and begin to realize that we are love, we begin to be truly alive. And then it is reflected in everything we do.

However, the only one we can ever change is ourselves. And that means there will be people who come into our lives that we must bless with love and release in order to be true to ourselves. We can’t change them. We can only observe how they take care of their car, and act accordingly.

So as you drive down the highway of life and you see that cute guy, take a look at his car. If it’s a mess, do yourself a favor and keep on driving!

7 Simple Tips To Save You Thousands of Dollars in Your Divorce

2009-10-12T17:34:00.000-07:00

(Read this before going to see any lawyer.)

Let’s face it; no matter how amicable you try to be, divorce is rough. It’s a sad and uncertain time of your life when everything is turning upside down. The last thing you need are massive legal bills, and more stress.
The following tips will help you get the most effective service from your lawyer, at the lowest cost. Read these before you meet with any lawyer. I guarantee that they will save you thousands of dollars in legal fees:

1. Begin With The End In Mind: Whether you are filing for divorce yourself, or were just served with a divorce complaint, take a moment to ask yourself what is your best case scenario. What do you want from the divorce? It may be primary custody of the children. It may be that you want to stay in the marital home. It may be that you want to punish your spouse for what he did to you. Gather your thoughts, and make a list before you go to see a lawyer.

Whatever it is, make sure that you know what you want. If you don’t, you are liable to meet with some lawyer who says, “We’ll make him pay for cheating on you!” or, “We take your wife’s deposition, and every one of the girls she went out with on Fridays to find out what she did.” These kinds of ideas are built-in money makers for the lawyer, but they could be a natural disaster for you. Unless their suggestions are something that you want, don’t go for it! If you really want to punish your spouse and are willing to pay the price, go ahead. Just make sure it’s your idea, not your attorney’s.

(Tomorrow: Tip No. 2)

Study Looks at Why Abused Men Don't Leave Their Wives

2009-10-07T19:43:00.000-07:00

...more good information from Glenn Sacks, http://www.fathersandfamilies.org/?p=3962

What's the Impact of the Recession on Dads Paying Child Support?

2009-10-07T19:38:00.001-07:00

Read this shocking article from Fathers and Families, http://www.fathersandfamilies.org/?p=4499

Mackinac Island Memories

2009-09-30T20:39:00.000-07:00

Eleven thousand years ago in prehistoric times, not long after the retreat of the last glacier, aboriginal natives stood on the mainland shore, looked out over the Straits between two newly formed great lakes and saw an island with unusually high bluffs. They thought it resembled a large reptile and called it mish-la-mack-in-naw or big turtle. When they explored it, they marveled at its unusual natural limestone formations and buried their dead in the Island's caves. Last weekend (September 25 and 26), I tramped up to Arch Rock on Mackinac Island at dawn with 13 other women, to watch the sun rise on the water.

Although at first I struggled to leave my warm bed, I was glad I made the trip as we stood on the lookout deck (top right in the photo) and our weekend host, Darlene Sowa, struck Tibetan sound bells together and called out to the four winds. It was a moving experience, but not the only one I was to enjoy that weekend!

Before I left for the trip, my stylist Daniel Zavala at Azenza Salon opined that Mackinac was nice to visit every 10 years or so, "But I can only eat so much fudge." I myself griped about the drive, trying to figure out an alternative to the 4 and 1/2 hour road trip. Little did I know that the drive itself would be a delight! Listening to crunchy tunes on the radio, I cruised along and marveled at the changing colors all along the tree-lined highway. It reminded me of something a friend said was his favorite pasttime--chasing leaves (i.e., following the changing fall colors as the Michigan landscape transforms before your eyes).

I haven't been to Mackinac since I was a kid, when we rented a bicycle built for two and pedaled around the island, arriving back just in time to catch the boat to the mainland. I had no idea what to expect. I signed up for Darlene's weekend adventure after seeing it promoted in the Body, Mind, Spirit Guide, but by the time it arrived, I remembered it as being a "listening workshop"!

I did do a lot of listening, but a lot of talking too as we explored the woods of Mackinac, and visited Sugar Loaf "Mountain," a relatively small but quite tall piece of limestone with nooks, crannies, and caves in it. This was an area where the local indian tribe commended the spirits of their dead, and it is a very special place.

We walked The Labyrinth at the Grand Hotel, had a pampering night with foot rubs, shoulder massages, and Reiki. And lots of laughter. Though few of us knew any of the other participants, by the end of the weekend we became fast friends with promises to stay in touch and to join together, spiritually and in person, to promote peace and well-being for our beloved Mother Earth and all of her inhabitants.

At the B & B Chateau Lorraine where we stayed, there was a piano with a plaque which proudly proclaimed it to be the one used in the movie "Somewhere in Time." Next to the plaque on top of the piano was the photograph of a gorgeous women in period dress. I thought it was the first owner of Chateau Lorraine, but in fact it was Jane Seymour! Gosh, she is beautiful.

Together the 14 of us explored the woods as well as the town. All weekend long we heard the clip-clop of horses hooves (the only transportation on the island is horse and carriage, horseback, or bicycle). Some of us were going through traumatic times, others were there just for a little R & R. Yet each one of us seemed to get just what we needed from the adventure.

For women going through divorce, I highly recommend this kind of getaway. You will return renewed, refreshed, and all the wiser from the insights you've gained on the trip, at a surprisingly affordable price.

2009 Home Buyer Credit Extension and Related Divorce Issues

2009-09-23T18:33:00.000-07:00

Update on that new home buyer credit, set to expire on December 1, 2009. http://www.lancasterlawblog.com/2009/09/articles/real-estate/2009-home-buyer-credit-extension-and-related-divorce-issues/

More cool stuff: India vs US Economies - A visual comparison. See how we measure up. http://www.mint.com/blog/trends/india-vs-the-us-a-visual-comparison/